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would this be unreasonable

(49 Posts)
freaaak233 Sun 01-Dec-13 21:50:03

if there was a couple who had a 10 month old ds, dad works and mum is a stahm. the mum sits on laptop all day or xbox, stays up too all hours.
the dad starts work at diff times each day but gets up with baby every morning and then will have baby until his leaving the door whether that be 9.. 10 .. 11 and then wake the mum up.
on his days off he gets up and she lays in until she wakes up.
he does the food shopping and 80 percent of the housework which sometimes then is slacking which caused them to get in to trouble with ss which was sorted.
the baby during the day spends a lot of time in the walker etc and then when dad gets in he puts him down too bed, cooks dinner. on his days offs he takes the boy , out this is the only time baby leaves the house.

now he wont leave her because .... he doesn't want to leave his son was I wrong to tell him to kick her out and stay in the flat with his son.

MrsSteptoe Sun 01-Dec-13 21:55:29

There isn't a middle ground between where they are and kicking her out? Like maybe, I don't know, talking? Where do you fit into this, OP?

EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 01-Dec-13 21:57:16

Is there a chance the mum is depressed? Possibly PND? There are a few things that jump out at me in your post that suggest this could be the case?

WorraLiberty Sun 01-Dec-13 21:58:11

She sounds depressed to be honest.

And the housework must have been more than 'slacking' for SS to get involved.

LTB was easy for you to say, but do you know why she acts like that?

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 01-Dec-13 21:58:18

Yeah you were wrong. Maybe she has PND

freaaak233 Sun 01-Dec-13 21:59:28

there is no talking, he has tried . when the police called ss on them when they saw the state of the house. but his warn out she is pretty defensive about the whole thing and he has many times tried to sort it out and he says his only staying for his son.

KepekCrumbs Sun 01-Dec-13 22:01:21

What were police doing there?

freaaak233 Sun 01-Dec-13 22:01:24

can I just point out before I come across as a bit of a bi tch .. I am a relative and trust me we went down the PND route and all off that , the thing is she was like this before they got pregnant as in lazy etc ... I suppose we thought she would change. we have all tried helping.

trashcanjunkie Sun 01-Dec-13 22:01:32

walk a mile in her shoes I think. She sounds as though she's got some mh issues - depression maybe. Fwiw I don't think you 'get into trouble' with ss. In fact, I know you don't, they are not big brother...

bluecheeseforbreakfast Sun 01-Dec-13 22:01:48

Sounds like a sad situation for the baby sad I don't think giving the advice to leave his dp was the right thing to do, was she a generally "together" sort of person before she had a baby?

Your friend sounds like a great dad.

LittleBairn Sun 01-Dec-13 22:01:56

She's a SAHM there is no way the courts would allow him to do this he could end up jeopardising his own contact with the child for this behaviour.

freaaak233 Sun 01-Dec-13 22:02:15

kepek they were called because the housing officer went round and no 1 answered but she could hear the boy she called them.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 01-Dec-13 22:02:28

The son is only 10 months. A lot would depend on what the relationship was like before he was born. Why haven't you stated what your relationship is to this situation?

LittleBairn Sun 01-Dec-13 22:02:54

So if she was like it before then tough luck to him he new wat he was getting into.

gordyslovesheep Sun 01-Dec-13 22:03:43

I suspect your interfering isn't help them - she may be defensive because people keep poking their noses in

he can take HIS child with him - if she's as awful as you say he may well get custody - although she's okay to have him every day while he works so he can't be that concerned

why where the police involved?

MajesticWhine Sun 01-Dec-13 22:03:44

She does not sound well equipped to look after a baby. But perhaps she needs some help. Not sure that "kicking her out" is either legal or the best way forward.

gordyslovesheep Sun 01-Dec-13 22:04:36

cross posts - she honestly sounds depressed - has she been seen by any professionals?

Quoteunquote Sun 01-Dec-13 22:06:09

They sound like they need support, and she sounds depressed.

WorraLiberty Sun 01-Dec-13 22:08:00

I suspect you might be a little bit biased here OP

You're making him out to be some sort of super father/saint...but how did he also allow the home to get into such a mess?

And don't say it was because he was too busy working/caring for the baby, because single parents manage that everyday.

EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 01-Dec-13 22:08:32

So has she always been like this since he has known her?

Depression could still be a possibility, a lot of what you've said really does sound like she is depressed. Has she been to see a GP or anything like that? The fact she is defensive suggests that maybe she is aware she is depressed and possibly ashamed to be the way she is?

I do not think your friend should leave her, mainly for the fact of their son. Can you or he suggest she sees a GP? Does she leave the house at all?

freaaak233 Sun 01-Dec-13 22:09:19

the reason I told him to kick her out was because he can't cope anymore with her and to be honest I don't blame him, he said he would go back to his mums but then what would happen to the baby and why is it that it would be wrong to tell her to leave , if it was the other way round and he treated her like the way she does him I would say the same thing.

no 1 is poking there noses in as such, but tbf it was everyone else including myself who she or him ring when it all goes wrong.

freaaak233 Sun 01-Dec-13 22:11:39

I am not biast and I haven't stated I am his friend. I have had it out with him about the state of the house as they called me when ss left to help clean it up. all I am worried about is what would actually happened if he did leave.
the only reason why I stay involved is for the lil man.

EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 01-Dec-13 22:12:01

I just wanted to point out, I'm not saying depression is anything to be ashamed of. Ive suffered from both depression and PND myself and that's how I felt some of the time. Just wanted to clarify that, as I just read my post back and it reads wrong.

WorraLiberty Sun 01-Dec-13 22:14:09

But what makes you so sure she's not depressed?

OK so she might have been lazy before pregnancy, but lazy people can get PND too.

And this sounds like way more than simple laziness.

freaaak233 Sun 01-Dec-13 22:14:12

eric it didn't come across wrong. the thing is we cant help her we have tried and trust me if I could I would. when they had a rough patch a couple of months ago I went and collected the lil one and took him to mine and then had her at mine to for 4 days.

we cant help her why it is this situation.

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