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to think this is ridiculous advice....

(63 Posts)
BigRedDragon Sun 01-Dec-13 20:35:18

Been festering about this, not massively, just niggling but annoyed at health visitor and her unsolicited advice. I went to get dc2 weighed in the week. He is a big baby at nearly 28lbs at 6mths. She asked how often he fed overnight and I replied every 3 hours ish but as we co-sleep it wasn't a huge problem. She then went onto tell me she saw me feeding him whilst waiting and I shouldn't make so much eye contact or stroke his cheek whilst feeding him as I'm teaching him feeding is more than nourishment, he'll then feed to get attention. I reassured her that he got plenty of interaction and attention regardless of feeding and left.
Just been niggling me, I couldn't help but picture a mother taking this advice and ignoring her baby. I firstly found this annoying as I didn't ask for advice, I feed on demand happily, but I really found it the most ridiculous advice going, and sad in so many ways!

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout Sun 01-Dec-13 20:37:52

Yes and I would complain in a heartbeat.

WaffilyVersatile Sun 01-Dec-13 20:38:49

HA! tell her to fuck right off.. #1 thing I miss about my dc being babies was that time feeding and stroking their cheek while looking at their big blue eyes...

I feel sad that someone might take her nonsense as gospel. YANBU

RevoltingPeasant Sun 01-Dec-13 20:38:51

sad complain

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout Sun 01-Dec-13 20:41:09

It's not just ridiculous, it's BAD advice.

Can't help but think she has 'issues' to actually say that crap.

OvaryAction Sun 01-Dec-13 20:41:15

It is more than nourishment though!

What a stupid person, I'd complain.

Mogz Sun 01-Dec-13 20:41:28

What a strange thing for her to say, feeding your baby is the perfect time for such bonding.

Angria Sun 01-Dec-13 20:43:59

Why complain?

Some advice was given, the OP said she thought ridiculous, so she can ignore it.

puntasticusername Sun 01-Dec-13 20:45:39

Bloody hell.

Agree. Complain. Unless there was a lot more to your conversation than you've told us, I can't easily see a good justification for her saying that.

rootypig Sun 01-Dec-13 20:48:15

Complain because this is fucking negligent advice from a person whose JOB it is to advise and support parents! She's not saying this from a supermarket check out, ffs. OP of course YANBU.

Honestly, after my own experiences and what I read here, I can't help but wonder what training HVs get. They can be frankly terrifying.

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout Sun 01-Dec-13 20:51:14

Don't act the ignorant fool angria - it's obvious why OP should complain.

BigRedDragon Sun 01-Dec-13 20:51:58

Nope we had a conversation about the fact he was a big baby, I said I was not worried as he followed exact growth chart of his brother. Briefly discussed weaning, then she asked about night time feeds. I just think feeding, breast or bottle, is a massively important process for bonding, emotional connection etc, I found this advice rather clinical and really sad if any one actually follows it.

Hassled Sun 01-Dec-13 20:53:20

That's absolutely barking mad. By the time I got to DC4, feeding time felt like the only available bonding time and was really important to me.

hiddenhome Sun 01-Dec-13 20:53:51

HV's are a bit like annoying, interfering relatives. Just nod and smile, then ignore and make your own choices.

BigRedDragon Sun 01-Dec-13 20:54:35

I have mentioned it to a few people about how shocked I was but have been surprised that a number of people thought it was reasonable advice to get ds to go longer between feeds, so I don't think this hv was the only one to think like this....

MammaTJ Sun 01-Dec-13 20:55:33

It is ridiculous advice!!

Angria Sun 01-Dec-13 20:55:54

I didn't say it was great advice. The OP didn't mention complaining about the HV, other posters have said that.

Don't see how that makes me an ignorant fool.

ThoughtsPlease Sun 01-Dec-13 20:58:14

So does he feed 3 hourly through the night?

Shallistopnow Sun 01-Dec-13 20:58:32

Please complain. And tell Unicef too. Its outrageous that she had the cheek to say that when you didn't even want advice. She's probably been on a training course run by Nestle.

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Sun 01-Dec-13 20:59:02

My interpretation of that is that she was speaking in regards to night try and encourage lo to sleep longer/feed less at night?

Obviously it's up to the parent, but if that's what she was talking about then I think it's sensible advice, and by no means uncommon or 'out there'.

It's along the lines of 'teaching' a baby about the differences between day and night, surely? That during the day there is attention, play, night is quiet time, necessary feeds take place in a dimly lit room and there's nothing 'exciting' that goes on at that time iyswim?

It's what I did with both of mine. From the beginning, night feeds would take place in the dimly lit bedroom. Past the first couple of weeks, I never left the bedroom or took them downstairs after bedtime and there was minimal interaction during feeds at night. It worked IMO.

tunnocksteacake Sun 01-Dec-13 20:59:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cogitosum Sun 01-Dec-13 20:59:26

The advice from some (not by any means all) HVs is shocking. I was told my 6 week old baby was too attached and I should leave him alone in a dark room for daytime naps!

I think you should complain because whilst you have the confidence to ignore her not all new mums would.

ThoughtsPlease Sun 01-Dec-13 20:59:48

Sorry, I clearly didn't read the OP properly, yes I see that he does, was the HV just trying to offer a advice to reduce the night feeds?

Which seems reasonable?

TurnOffTheTv Sun 01-Dec-13 20:59:54

Yes she was shit. But can I just ask, 28lb really?? My two year old is only 22lb, is your baby really long?

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout Sun 01-Dec-13 21:00:00

So you think that hv's giving out bad advice shouldn't be complained about and should just be left to carry on giving out that same bad advice to others?

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