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To put on my knight's outfit and attack my DM with a sword because she said 4 is old enough to wipe my own bottom?

(78 Posts)
BoffinMum Sun 01-Dec-13 11:45:15

I have a good arrangement with my DM, DF, DSis, DBs and indeed any other random people in the locality. I do a poo, they wipe me very nicely while I do a perfectly executed downward dog yoga position in the bathroom as my helpful contribution to the process. So far this has worked well as a hygiene strategy.

Only today things changed.

My DM offered instruction in how to rip off loo paper, how to fold loo paper, and how to reach my arm behind so I can wipe my own bottom. Then she told me to get on with it.

I was disgusted.

Poo is smelly and stinky, I told her, so this should be her job. My arms are too short.

She just laughed and told me to get on with it again.

I was not having that, so I put my entire foam knight's outfit on, got on my hobbyhorse and went into the sitting room armed with my foam sword to teach her a lesson. I was very cross. I rubbed my sword on her neck quite hard.

She just laughed and told me my bottom slaves were not going to do this for me any more. Sword or no sword.

Any amount of crying and protesting failed to work. I am concerned this neglect will continue. WWYD? WIBU?

BoffinMum Sun 01-Dec-13 11:46:11

I am BoffinBabe by the way. I have hacked into her account.

iliketea Sun 01-Dec-13 11:49:00

if you asked babytea - YADefNU. and never mind just poos, she needs to help you for all toileting matters, especially pulling pants up.

And if the knight costume doesn't get the message through, try roaring like a lion and declaring "you are not my best friend" to see if that helps things.

BoffinMum Sun 01-Dec-13 11:49:55

That is a very good idea. Do you think my pirate outfit might have an impact as well?

Valdeeves Sun 01-Dec-13 11:52:34

Ha ha ha ha - this made me laugh - the strategy adopted in this house is "I'll wipe my own pee pee so you can do my bum" all said in a tone like its doing me a favour!

SPsWouldCatFishNev Sun 01-Dec-13 11:53:16

YANBU But I am now worried as I turned 4 on Friday so maybe my mum will try tell me this!

I already tried the short arms thing but they don't accept it. Its not fair.

Tell her you are no longer her friend and you are leaving home.

I like to stand up to wee so I less all over the seat and floor as I don't look or concentrate on what I am doing. Mum expects me to watch but why would I when I want to sing and dance while having a stand up wee?

They just don't understand

BoffinMum Sun 01-Dec-13 11:53:47

It's as bad as people who make you eat cutted up pear when you ask for it.

BoffinMum Sun 01-Dec-13 11:54:27

You can wee standing up?? <thoughtful>

ChristmasJumperWearer Sun 01-Dec-13 11:54:47

Hi, it's LittleWearer here. YANBU and I admire your approach, but have found the following to be effective:

1) don't wipe at all and enjoy the expression of disgust hours later when they discover what you have done

2) just stay sitting on the toilet until they relent and return to wipe you. I can stay sitting on the toilet for aaaaaages (it may help if you take a book in with you to avoid boredom).

Good luck!

BoffinMum Sun 01-Dec-13 11:55:45

Littlewearer, you are inspired.

FudgefaceMcZ Sun 01-Dec-13 11:55:57

See what normally works in this house, at least for a while, is using about half a toilet roll all as one continuous thread to wipe on about one bit in every 5, then shoving it all down the toilet so someone else has to try and unclog it or pick out the paper (ugh).

If that fails, saying "Mummy you are making me very sad, I won't play with you ever again" can help.

BoffinMum Sun 01-Dec-13 11:56:55

I think threats are the only language these DMs understand, tbh. You have to stand your ground.

Weknowwhoyouare Sun 01-Dec-13 11:57:39

I'm reading in horror at this. I'm 3 and my DM has just removed my potty and expects me to go upstairs to the toilet everytime I need a wee as she says my brother will play in the potty. I thought this was bad enough.

She's told me that when I go to school I will have to wipe my own bum but I thought it was a jokeshock


BoffinMum Sun 01-Dec-13 11:57:54

Do you think if I go out the front door and stand on the driveway fiercely she will relent?

Vicki1972 Sun 01-Dec-13 11:58:34

I suggest uninviting DM from your birthday party.

Minivic xx

stubbornstains Sun 01-Dec-13 11:59:44

Civil disobedience is the key here boffinbaby.

Appear to acquiesce calmly to these demands. Lull the forces of oppression into a sense of false security. Wipe your bum perfectly for several days until you're left alone to perform the act. Then, stuff an entire roll's worth of paper into the loo, flush it, watch the toilet overflow all over the floor, stroll upstairs and inform The Woman of your act of sabotage, blaming it on your imaginary friend.

That'll show 'em. HTH. Junior Stains, aged 3 and three quarters.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sun 01-Dec-13 12:00:07

Hello from LittleLoveMyDog. I find a good approach is to leave it unflushed in the loo for a while until they work out what the smell is. You might find they are reluctant to let you go on your own for a while after that.

I also like to exact revenge some time later, so as not to be directly associated with the loo protest. Something like drawing on the wall, or tipping your dinner behind the dresser to be found later when the flies start hovering.

noblegiraffe Sun 01-Dec-13 12:01:52

I have a couple of suggestions

Sit on the toilet and say 'mummy, when I count to three, you have to come and wipe my bottom. 1....2....THREE mummy where are you???' And repeat

Say that wiping your bottom is too boring and therefore mummy should do it instead because you don't like boring things.

DownstairsMixUp Sun 01-Dec-13 12:01:57

She is being unreasonable. Simply refuse to comply as happens in my house and enjoy the looks of disgust when this is discovered upon bathtime. grin

stubbornstains Sun 01-Dec-13 12:02:36

If that fails, try dropping a pencil sharpener into her cup of tea. Or regurgitating unwanted bits of fish finger on the rug in pellet form, a la some particularly unsavoury kind of seabird, somewhere she will tread on with her bare feet.

SPsWouldCatFishNev Sun 01-Dec-13 12:03:54

I've been caught weeing in the bath while stood on my step. Mum wasn't pleased but I told her I would wash it out! These mothers of ours are never happy

AChristmassyJerseySpud Sun 01-Dec-13 12:07:26

I am 6 now nearly 7 and just wanted to tell you it gets worse. When you start school you are expected to nit only wipe your own bum but also dress yourself and the teachers won't do anything for you!

Ps I haven't told dsis yet as she's only 2 and still in nappies as she likes them

Princess hello kitty elder spud

KatyaRachmanova Sun 01-Dec-13 12:16:36

DM has started this, and I'm only three!

I tried telling her she wasn't my best friend anymore but she just said Auntie Sarah was anyway. hmm Lies, obviously.

So now, I have found just sitting there calling 'muuuum, muuuum, MUUUUUM' continuously does the trick. There's also a certain pitch about 'whine level ' that sets off a twitch in her eye. grin

Love LittleRachmanova

Helenagrace Sun 01-Dec-13 12:20:49

We am here from the future to tell you that things will get worse. Much MUCH worse.

We are now required to not only take our school lunch boxes into the kitchen but also to empty them AND put them in the dishwasher machine. Boy grace child tried non compliance and was forced to take mum's pink lunchbox to school after ignoring his lunchbox all weekend.

We have now been told that we have to put clean washing in drawers ALL BY OURSELVES.

Poo cleaning is the top of the iceberg!

Mini Graces (aged 12 and nearly 8)

lougle Sun 01-Dec-13 12:21:00

You need to learn to twerk - your arms can reach a whole extra 2-3 inches that way.

Squat and twerk - you'll amaze your mum!

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