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To not buy my mother this present?

(46 Posts)
Mosschops30 Sat 30-Nov-13 22:49:24

She does this a lot, particularly Mother's Day where she texts me 'you can buy me Chanel body lotion for mothers day'

Now this Xmas she has said 'you can buy me one of those for Xmas' after spying my Thomas Sabo bracelet.
She's coming to stay Xmas week, I have bought her a small gift but certainly didn't expect to spend another £60
I'm not expecting a pressie from her, and if I did it would be something little

AIBU to suggest she gets this for herself for Xmas and buys me nothing?

Madmammy83 Mon 02-Dec-13 11:32:46

Mosschops I hear ya! My mother won't even have my eldest unless I give her money!! I've always been envious of people who have the type of parents who step in and help with the grandchildren, mine has made it quite clear that she will not babysit unless it's on her terms and she is being reimbursed in some way.

Please don't buy the bracelet. Please!

Mosschops30 Sun 01-Dec-13 20:38:25

No she won't contribute, she will buy the odd takeaway.
She will buy wine because she can't go 2 days without a drink
When I visit her she gets me to cook a meal whilst I'm there.
She is terribly lazy.

However she is very good at having dcs, will come and stay and 'look after' them. Although this involves her watching tv of her choice whilst the dcs play

Lilacroses Sun 01-Dec-13 20:32:04

That is so cheeky and selfish of her. It would get right up my nose and there is no way I would acquiese to that sort of demand.

paxtecum Sun 01-Dec-13 20:28:51

Moss: Does she contribute any money towards food when she stays at Xmas?

DontmindifIdo Sun 01-Dec-13 20:26:19

Whatever you do, don't buy it now! On Christmas when she's said something say with you biggest smile "oh, the bracelet you suggested? I'd already bought your gift."

Don't get it, and everytime from now on she asks for something, you instantly reply "oh, I've already bought you your gift."

Stop buying gifts when you go away - "It wasn't the sort of holiday when you go shopping."

Stop rewarding her shitty behaviour. It's shitty behaviour, you just are used to it so you put up with it.

Dawndonnaagain Sun 01-Dec-13 20:17:24

She will be very unamused if I don't get it and will feel no shame in saying 'oh I'm disappointed you didn't buy me the bracelet I wanted'

Would you put up with this from a friend? If not, there is no reason why you should put up with it from anyone else, that includes the mother you didn't choose!

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Sun 01-Dec-13 19:16:03

Stick with the gift you've got, if she says anything on Christmas Day, just snort and say 'oh I didn't think you were actually being serious'

My mum always say's 'Baubles don't get me nuffin, I want fer nowt' (double negative aside, she genuinely doesn't want me to get her anything but I do anyway)

Mosschops30 Sun 01-Dec-13 19:15:43

Oh dear madmammy they sound very similar.
My mother 'treated' me to a break in Ireland only to get me to pay the bill on my card and then promptly forgot about it.

Madmammy83 Sun 01-Dec-13 19:10:06

She sounds like she has an enormous sense of entitlement, I would NOT entertain that. If you've bought her a gift, give it to her. If she "Oh but I said I wanted a bracelet" say "I had already bought you this, I can not afford a bracelet." End of. Fuck her.

I speak as the daughter of someone who has asked how much we "made" on our wedding day and then went on about a bill, who turned up for another family occasion at a hotel and pretended she had booked a room but hadn't, then pretended she'd forgotten her credit card so I had to pay, and someone who turns up on family allowance day and complains about her lack of petrol.

ZillionChocolate Sun 01-Dec-13 10:56:06

If you were insistent on spending more on her, I'd see if you could get a similar bracelet for less on eBay. She wants yours because it looks nice, not because if the brand/price surely?

Mosschops30 Sun 01-Dec-13 10:54:22

What I mean is at my age I'm not that bothered about presents, if I want something I usually buy it.
It's nice to recieve something special or something that's been bought with some thought, but it has nothing to do with price or demanding.
One of the best gifts I've received this year was a £1 diamond ring from Claire's accessories off a friend to remind me that I can shine smile

ZillionChocolate Sun 01-Dec-13 10:54:03

If £60 is nothing then she can buy her own bracelet.

If she says she's disappointed, I'd suggest that you stop giving each other gifts and she can save the money she would have spent on you buying whatever she'd most like. The fact that she wants more than she's giving is her own problem.

yegodsandlittlefishes Sun 01-Dec-13 10:51:54

Cross posted there. She does seem pretty rude about it. If she complains about the small Christmas gift you have chosen for her this year, you could say that perhaps it would be best if you stopped buying her gifts as she hasn't given you anything for years, and it might make meeting up happier occasions if the focus was on enjoying each other's company. (And you thought the pleasure of your company, your cooking and a visit to your home would be a gift in itself.)

Bunbaker Sun 01-Dec-13 10:50:25

"I'm nearly 40 I don't expect presents from my mum!"

What has age got to do with it? OH and SIL are in their sixties. MIL still buys presents for them, and me (I'm 55). It is more to do with the type of person they are rather than age I'm afraid.

I am sorry your mum sounds so grabby. I agree with the idea of buying a gift voucher at your price range, for the shop where she wants something from.

Mosschops30 Sun 01-Dec-13 10:48:14

Strictly speaking my financial situation is ok and I think she imagines £60 is nothing.
But I'm on my own with 3 dcs, need a new tumble and new dishwasher not to waste £60 on my mother.
£60 on dcs yes but u can't imagine spending this on another adult unless it was a friends special birthday

expatinscotland Sun 01-Dec-13 10:44:40

Oh, seriously, mossy, fuck her! When she tells you she is disappointed, tell her you are disappointed she fails to understand your tight financial situation.

yegodsandlittlefishes Sun 01-Dec-13 10:43:17

Your area of control is what you get for your Mum and you are not unreasonable to give her a small gift (or nothing, if you're not expecting something from her).

Where you're being unreasonable is to interpret hwr comment as an advanced directive. Maybe it was a joke. Or she was teasing you? Try teaaing her back and say 'Yes, I'd love to. In an ideal world I'd get gifts like that for you and all my friends. Maybe when I'm the boss of my own empire!'

WhoNickedMyName Sun 01-Dec-13 10:42:55

And I would reply "we'll I'm disappointed you've never put any thought into buying me a gift in xx years, but hey ho life's a bitch and we don't always get what we want".

Or the mumsnet classic "wow, did you mean to be so fucking rude --you old bat--".

Mosschops30 Sun 01-Dec-13 10:40:03

She will be very unamused if I don't get it and will feel no shame in saying 'oh I'm disappointed you didn't buy me the bracelet I wanted'

Every year when I go on holiday I always buy her a small gift and every year without fail she exclaims that she would've preferred one of the other gifts. This year I bought her a bracelet and a key ring, I bought myself a wooden Buddha and after seeing mine she said 'oh I would've liked that' despite having made her preference for jewellery before I left

WhoNickedMyName Sun 01-Dec-13 10:34:08

You've already bought her a small gift.

I don't see the problem here?

Don't buy her anything else, don't mention anything about the bracelet, just give her the gift you've already bought her.

AuditAngel Sun 01-Dec-13 10:30:22

It's really hard when people have unrealistic expectations and demands.

If you have already bought a gift, don't get her anything else. If her presence is enough, you taking her to the shop for her to buy the bracelet herself seems very fair to me.

Take a deep breath, and if she sulks or tantrums, give her the same treatment your DC would receive.

expatinscotland Sun 01-Dec-13 10:20:52

Tell her! Mum, I can't afford to spend £60 on that.'

ZillionChocolate Sun 01-Dec-13 10:14:52

You've already bought her a gift. Did you intend to get her another? If not, then don't!

diaimchlo Sun 01-Dec-13 10:02:53

YADNBU.... People who tell you what to buy them for presents are actually presuming that you think that they deserve one and reading your posts I don't think your um does TBH.

Mosschops30 Sun 01-Dec-13 09:58:06

Am only child so secret Santa no good.
I think I'm going to get a gift card for the shop for about £20.
Although she goes home on 27th and won't be amused if I can't get her to the shop

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