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Aibu to want this boy excluded from school.

(224 Posts)
dementedmumof6 Sat 30-Nov-13 20:15:49

There is a boy in my highschool aged dd year at school, that is currently on police bail for threatening to rape a younger girl he knows. Who has sent inappropriate sexual texts to my daughter and who told one of her friends that as soon as he gets the chance he was going to rape her and that she would enjoy it.

For the last month he has been in seclusion, enters school after everyone else , is taught on his own and leaves early,

However the friend that he threatened to rape has been told that as of Monday he will be back in class as normal until it goes to court and that to keep her safe she is to make sure that she doesn't go anywhere in the school without someone with her at all times , when she asked them to clarify was told that she was to have one of her friends with her (so not even an adult ) even to go to the toilet,so that he can't approach her.

So the question is would I be unreasonable to go into school and insist that this isn't appropriate that if they are worried about the boys behaviour he should either have a teacher with him at all times or be excluded , and he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near any of the girls in the school.

polgar Sat 30-Nov-13 20:17:17


Only1scoop Sat 30-Nov-13 20:18:31

Yanbu horrific hmm

phantomnamechanger Sat 30-Nov-13 20:18:50

Bloody hell! So being accompanied by a friend in the loo would protect her would it!


hercules1 Sat 30-Nov-13 20:18:57

I would talk to the police tbh.

Ruffcat Sat 30-Nov-13 20:20:43

Are the police involved with the threat made to you dd?

Only1scoop Sat 30-Nov-13 20:20:56

Have you not contacted police?

MmeLindor Sat 30-Nov-13 20:20:57

Gosh, I was ready to say that no parent should demand another child be excluded, but this is horrific.

How old are the children?

YAdefinitelyNBU. I would be having a very strong word with the school. They have a responsibility to protect the children in their care, and that includes the girl being able to move freely around the school without fear.

Morgause Sat 30-Nov-13 20:21:08

YANBU but it won't happen. Heads are no longer in charge of such things, sadly.

friday16 Sat 30-Nov-13 20:21:18

and that to keep her safe she is to make sure that she doesn't go anywhere in the school without someone with her at all times ,

Ah, potential victim blaming. Presumably, were something bad to happen, it would be her fault for being out at night without a man not following these suggestions, and he would be the poor misunderstood victim a slut simply leading him on.

I wonder how many of the female staff would accept the argument that they should stay indoor after dark, and if they don't it's their own fault if they get raped? You might like to ask them.

Either he's safe to have in the school, in which case the school should say so and accept responsibility for anything that goes wrong, or he isn't.

You and the other girl's parents should also go to the police and state that you have reason to believe that your children are at risk of being raped, and that the school is failing to protect them. As usual, the school are terribly excited about how liberal and understanding they are of the poor misunderstood potential rapist (how exciting! we can write about it in the Guardian about how we support and protect young men with issues) and couldn't give a shit about the safety of their prospective victims.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 30-Nov-13 20:21:36


But I'm not sure what the school could do because if they get anything wrong they will lose the chance to exclude him.

(I realise that that statement doesn't help with the safety of the pupil and that is what should be of paramount importance)

LucyLasticKnickers Sat 30-Nov-13 20:21:58

you wouldnt be unable to keep your dd at home

gorionine Sat 30-Nov-13 20:23:12

School's response is totally inadequate! Do they really think it is ok to give the responsibility of a threatened girl to one of her friends, REALLY? I would take advice from the police too.

LucyLasticKnickers Sat 30-Nov-13 20:23:53

sorry - you wouldnt be unreasonable to keep your DD at home, though but you are not unreasonable to go to school, police, NSPCC, somewhere with your concerns

Nanny0gg Sat 30-Nov-13 20:23:58

I'm not entirely sure how letting him back to school follows their Safeguarding policies with regards to the other children.

Be very sure of your facts and then speak to the HT and police.

Tee2072 Sat 30-Nov-13 20:25:19

So they are blaming her and she has to watch herself? FFS

What do the police say?

I'd be pulling my daughter out of school until he's excluded.

Debs75 Sat 30-Nov-13 20:26:14

So he has threatened children, is on police bail and yet the school are asking his potential victim to make sure she isn't going to be the next victim?
What next telling her to dress more conservatively?

HE is the problem here. HE has made inappropriate sexual threats and HE has been arrested. HE is in control of himself and HE should be the one being punished.

Ring the police and tell them your concerns. Also ring the school and governers. It is the governers who will meet and decide if this boy should be excluded. They have probably already been involved so they need updating with any concerns you have.

phantomnamechanger Sat 30-Nov-13 20:26:15

I definitely think the onus should be on controlling the potential rapist, not the potential victim/s

so if he is to be in school, he is shadowed 1:1 by a teacher, has NO freedom to hang out at breaks or roam freely/mix with female pupils, and is accompanied to the loo

why should the girl feel like she is the one in prison/no freedom?

LucyLasticKnickers Sat 30-Nov-13 20:26:41

go to child protection team?

mrstigs Sat 30-Nov-13 20:26:44

Thats horrific! I cant imagine the stress the girls involved are under (or to a lesser degree every girl in that school right now). I have no idea what the school could do but they should be able to do something surely. I would certainly go in and see them. YANBU.

dementedmumof6 Sat 30-Nov-13 20:28:14

My dd is 14 as is the boy,

The police are questioning every girl in her year and the one below. They know about the comments made to my dd, but because they were more along the lines of bet you look hot naked do you want to have sex, the police won't include them in the charges as they were not threatening, just not appropriate,

The police were up at the school last week taking witness statements and it was after they left that the other pupil was told he was returning to normal classes, but was to stay away from the victims.

headlesslambrini Sat 30-Nov-13 20:28:56

half of me is saying what about innocent until proven guilty, the boy has not yet been to court but the school does have an obligation to keep students safe. The boy should stay in isolation until his trial.

The teachers will keep a very close eye on him and will be looking for any opportunity to put him back in isolation. It will be an easier situation for them to manage.

BrianButterfield Sat 30-Nov-13 20:29:23

YANBU - I have known students who couldn't be trusted have 1-1 accompaniment from a TA or similar at all times including break and lunch, so it can be done. It is appalling that the onus is on the victim to keep away from him.

trashcanjunkie Sat 30-Nov-13 20:29:39

appalling! is the boy in question going to be chaperoned at all times to prevent him repeating his actions? I bloody well hope so. Cannot BELIEVE the school are putting the responsibility upon the girls to keep themselves 'safe'. I'd get in touch with the relevant agencies about this op. Governors/NSPCC/Womens aid, the blummin' lot. angry

soul2000 Sat 30-Nov-13 20:30:54



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