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To think my best friend is CRAZY!

(37 Posts)
cantheyseeme Sat 30-Nov-13 08:08:13

My best friend is drop dead gorgeous, today she is going for her first lot of lip fillers and botox because she feels old.... anyone care to guess her ripe old age hmm

PacificDogwood Sat 30-Nov-13 16:59:41

I don't think it is trivial either.
Yes, each to their own, but there is such an overwhelming trend towards everything being judged on appearance alone that I find quite pernicious.

I have never thought about whether my eye brows are lower than they used to be - in fact, you got me thinking and I am sure they are <shrugs>

It is a clear sign of my middleagedness that I expect to be taken for who and what I am including my visage. I have earned my face and I like it so I am not likely to mess with it beyond plucking my eyebrows for special occasions grin.

But yes, one person's eye brow shaping is another one's botox.
I genuinely fail to understand why though??

perfectstorm Sat 30-Nov-13 16:21:34

But it isn't that it's trivial. It's that it makes aging itself unacceptable - and that is very far from being trivial, IMO. It's a worry that we are so obsessed by externals and so unwilling to allow people to be, well - human. And there is a difference between wanting to look pretty, and wanting to look young. The first is not age-dependent.

I should add I also have no time for people who negatively judge those who do groom religiously. I have friends who do and while it's not my thing, and we never really discuss that side to their lives, they have stacks of things that do make them really interesting to me. To assume someone is stupid or boring because they care hugely how they look is as facile as the reverse position, on an individual basis. It's still judging someone on appearance, and is still shallow.

It worries me if it becomes obligatory, rather than chosen. And it does seem to be heading that way, when even actors and models are photoshopped into impossibility. Because nobody should have to have procedures to be considered aesthetically acceptable - in South Korea apparently one in five women have surgery, which surely means something is awry.

I'm lucky, in being married to someone who genuinely doesn't give a toss if I even bother to shave my legs, and has always fancied me whatever state I'm in! We've been together so long now that it's very much about who we are and not anything else - and he's always found me most attractive because of what's between my ears. It's easy to feel that way about yourself when your closest person feels that themselves. And it does seem rarer in men than women, that assessment of attraction. It breeds confidence. But I also think that was modeled for me by my own mother - that certainty that what I have to offer is valid.

Birdsgottafly Sat 30-Nov-13 16:18:19

"There is nothing wrong with aging. It's normal and there are more important things in life - vastly more important - than appearance."

There are more important things to worry about than the topic of practically every thread on here, but people do concern themselves with trivia.

I can manage everything that is important and be concerned with what bothers me, enough to change it, with my appearance. It isn't an "either/or" choice.

Birdsgottafly Sat 30-Nov-13 16:03:27

", many purveyors of botox or fillers have no licence. The whole business is the Wild West if you ask me."

The Prescribers of the treatments should be though and that is how regulations can be better imposed. The woman I use for treatments, is a working qualified Nurse, she does your consultation, then has what she needs prescribed.

I couldn't get my fillers that I wanted because my bastard washing machine broke. I get my peels via her.

What you all seen to have experience if, is badly done Botox, I have only had this once, I prefers fillers.

I do think that we should do more to stop the Aurbrushing etc so that young women and girls can see what real people look like. I didn't grow up with potentially the messages my DD's would of, if I hadn't of worked against them.

If tanning injections worked and were safe, I would have them, I prefer to be brown.

There is a sensible middle ground when it comes to any treatments/therapies.

If you aren't interested, fair enough, but not assume the readins why some people (I know men who have treatments) are interested in how the look.

It is cheaper for me to have fillers than go for facials. The fillers are lasting longer and improving all the time.

I struggle with the use of them, being Vegan. As for what I put in my body, I don't get why you would put known carcinogenic substances in yourself, in any firm, food, drink etc, or eat animals that you are genetically related to (if at all), each to their own.

SugarHut Sat 30-Nov-13 15:48:23

Good post. Well expressed. I disagree with the vast majority of it, but do understand your views.

perfectstorm Sat 30-Nov-13 15:43:35

Sugar, having medical procedures, which inevitably involve risk, for vanity reasons is sad IMO. There is nothing wrong with aging. It's normal and there are more important things in life - vastly more important - than appearance.

My mother modeled in the 1960s as a way to make some money on the side. She was and is exquisitely beautiful (I look more like my dad, thus proving Murphy's law!). She rarely wears makeup and has never sought to hide aging. She's never even dyed her hair. She is still and always has been lovely looking, but there isn't actually much she values less. She has more interesting things to occupy herself with, and it wasn't until I was early teens that I even realised people thought she was beautiful.

I think the plastic dolly porn star look is unfortunate, to be honest, and the idea someone would undergo major surgery to alter their boob shape for no real reason bewilders me. I don't know, I just don't think how you look should be such a huge deal it overides all else. It smacks of insecurity to me. I'm okay looking, I think. I'm also happy with who I am, with my life, and what happens in it. I don't really think about it that much - hardly ever even look in the mirror. And I hope my daughter has a similar approach, because my mother's (that her appearance is less significant than her character and not worth losing sleep over) is a healthy one. I'm grateful to her for it. I don't like the message we're sending our daughters, that aging is something terrifying and that normal ranges of body types are unacceptable. It's applying airbrushing to real people and it's disturbing, to my mind.

ErrorError Sat 30-Nov-13 14:09:00

Sugar I don't mean it is an obsession for everyone. I'm very supportive of my friend, who thinks having one will increase her self confidence. But I was just pointing it out as one of the many (invasive and non-invasive) procedures she wants done to change herself, as I'm certain her motives run a lot deeper than just wanting to look nicer in strappy tops.

SugarHut Sat 30-Nov-13 14:01:33

Error. .. Why is having a boob job an obsession with changing your appearance?

ErrorError Sat 30-Nov-13 13:48:13

Oh dear, at 22?! Has she got self esteem problems, possibly body dysmorphia? I'm only asking because I suspect this of a friend of mine. I started a thread about it in chat but go no replies. She was looking into getting those tanning injections and I was trying to ask MNers if there was any point in trying to dissuade her. My friend is 27 though, and also considering a boob job. But I know she's had a really rough time in the last few years so I wondered if her obsession with changing her appearance was more to do with trying to 'escape' her old life.

It's your friend's body and so if her mind is set there may not be much you can do to talk her out of it, but try to be supportive if she has it done and don't tell her it looks terrible because that might make her more self conscious and intent on altering other parts of herself.

mrsjay Sat 30-Nov-13 13:24:40

I think your poor friend has a serious problem which is a shame she feels she needs to fill her face and body full of rubbish I feel sorry for her,

SugarHut Sat 30-Nov-13 13:16:28

For all you know she may look better afterwards. Give the girl a break!!! I have lip fillers, a teeny tiny amount on one side of my upper lip, as without it my lips are not perfectly symmetrical. It's the tiniest change, no one would know I even had it done, but when I do, everyone says how refreshed I look, am I wearing new make up, what have you changed, you look really nice today...that kind of thing.

I hate this nonsense that lip fillers mean some tragic Lola Ferrari look to people who have had no experience of it themselves. And botox done "right" can make you look miles better too. I have again, the tiniest amount just above both eyebrows to lift them a little. My face still wrinkles when I frown and laugh, I have lots of expression, I am just not too scared to admit that a little bit of botox dramatically improves my look. Again, people notice that I "look really pretty today" when I have it done, but can't put their finger on why...and then refuse to believe that it's botox when I tell them what it is because I can still move my face.

I started mine in my very early 20s too. Good for her, I hope she is very happy with what they do.

paxtecum Sat 30-Nov-13 11:26:02

Injecting poison into the body is madness.
I do think there will be repurcussions on their future health.

We do live in an odd world.

CassCade Sat 30-Nov-13 09:30:59

Your body always compensates for any bits that don't work by making other bits locally work harder - it does this because it's a natural reaction. Think of blind people's other senses becoming more developed to compensate for their lack of sight. When people have Botox for their forehead lines, the brain thinks 'something's not working', and compensates by making the other facial muscles work more to express emotion. Hence around the eyes, it gets more wrinkly! Of course, they then start to have Botox there... Go on till you get plastic-face.... Not so much young looking, more Barbie.

cantheyseeme Sat 30-Nov-13 09:14:47

You can still get them online confused

Szeli Sat 30-Nov-13 08:53:23

Aren't tanning injection illegal now?

ImagineJL Sat 30-Nov-13 08:51:16

Szeli I'm friends with a plastic surgeon who says there is no evidence that Botox is preventative. In fact, there's a suggestion it may be the opposite.

I think it's very sad. In fact, I only recently realised that very young women were having Botox. I remember, naively, thinking that Leah on The Apprentice must be suffering from depression because she had such a flat demeanour. Of course, it turns out she couldn't express herself because her muscles were paralysed!

perfectstorm Sat 30-Nov-13 08:44:46

Oh God, the poor girl. She'd do better to spend the money on decent counselling. That's so sad.

PacificDogwood Sat 30-Nov-13 08:40:59

Norudeshit, many purveyors of botox or fillers have no licence. The whole business is the Wild West if you ask me.

PacificDogwood Sat 30-Nov-13 08:39:45

I spoke to a young woman who is now having to have her breast implants removed/changed. She is 26, she had them done at 17 sad.
She too is an absolutely stunning looking woman and was an equally beautiful young girl 10 years ago.
I cannot believe anybody agreed to do this to her at that age. The joys of private medicine hmm

And botox and fillers are done by all sorts of 'practitioners' - not for me, sorry. I'll keep my haggard 47 year old visage grin

Branleuse Sat 30-Nov-13 08:36:46

Thats a bloody shame.

My guess is shes spent all her life with people talking about her looks so positively, and now shes petrified of losing that as its all shes ever known

Szeli Sat 30-Nov-13 08:36:34

It's preventative so if you're going to go down that route younger is better. 22 however is crazy young, although its when most people seem to start aging. I'm 26 and if I had the money (and the lack of needle phobia) its something I'd consider, my brows have dropped dramatically in the past few years...

NoArmaniNoPunani Sat 30-Nov-13 08:31:49

It's very sad but no surprise. How old is the model/beauty queen woman on I'm a celeb? She's only young but clearly had Botox

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob Sat 30-Nov-13 08:20:58

That's so dreadfully sad. sad

cantheyseeme Sat 30-Nov-13 08:20:18

This is it, she is naturally stunning but her self esteem issues get in the way, apparently people with botox get into more arguements because its harder to read their facial expressions confused

Norudeshitrequired Sat 30-Nov-13 08:18:34

The person who agrees to give a 22 year old Botox without a very good medical reason should have his licence revoked.

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