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To think pregnant women shouldn't assume they have ultimate priority over seats on trains?

(296 Posts)
sontaranstrax Fri 29-Nov-13 23:57:04

I was on a very crowded train long distance to meet DP at his parents' for the weekend this evening, all seats taken, standing room packed. About ten minutes in I was struggling to stand and managed to get one of the priority seats as someone was leaving the train. A few minutes later I was told by a heavily pregnant woman that she needed my seat as she needed to sit down, so I explained that I also needed to sit down for medical reasons and she would have to ask someone else. She proceeded to launch into an attack about how I looked perfectly healthy and she was in her third trimester and who did I think I was to deny her a seat when she needed one. Another pregnant woman in one of the other priority seats then piped up and both had a go at me, asking who I thought I was to not give up my seat and shouting abuse at me across the train, at which point everyone else in the carriage was giving me dirty looks (although not offering to give up their own seats) so I felt I didn't have much of a choice. I couldn't stand so ended up sitting on the floor leaning against the wall for the rest of the journey. AIBU to think pregnant women aren't the only people who need a seat on trains and have no right to turf someone else in need out of theirs?

Bogeyface Sat 30-Nov-13 00:01:14

Sadly being pregnant just gives a certain type of person a reason to be an even bigger entitled arsehole.


YWBU to move. I would have made a point of explaining my medical in long, boring and graphic detail.

TidyDancer Sat 30-Nov-13 00:02:39

You unfortunately met two people with a ridiculous sense of entitlement. They would have this whether they were pregnant or not.


Are you okay now?

Bogeyface Sat 30-Nov-13 00:02:55

In fact thinking further, if I had my stroppy head on, I would have asked if they were happy passing on their Stupid Gene onto their unborn!

DoJo Sat 30-Nov-13 00:03:39

It's a shame that you were made to feel as though you had to give up your seat, especially by those who chose not to give up their own seats. On here, people are often advised to target a specific person and ask them to give up their seat rather than hope that they are offered, but this is obviously not a foolproof system if it is leading pregnant women to believe that they have a god given right to a seat even if the person sitting in it needs it more! It's hard to say that you should have stood your ground (pun unintended, but I'm leaving it there now!) when it sounds as though you were in a very awkward position of feeling as though you have to justify your illness in order to be 'allowed' to sit, when it should have been enough to say that you weren't able to stand either and maybe someone else could oblige - I certainly would have done if I had witnessed this exchange...

DoJo Sat 30-Nov-13 00:04:49

I mean I certainly would have stood up, despite the woman's rudeness, to save you having to engage with her any further.

WooWooOwl Sat 30-Nov-13 00:05:18


Sorry you had the misfortune of meeting such rude and horrible people in public.

funkybuddah Sat 30-Nov-13 00:06:09

I agree with you.

I worked in retail throughout both my pregnancies, 8+ hours on my feet with only 30 mins break. Yes I was fucking knackered buti was ok.

Some people think that penance makes them a weak delicate thing when in actual fact our bodies are pretty good at getting on with it (and I had awful pregnancies that had complications)

JumpOnIt Sat 30-Nov-13 00:06:45


I don't think the fact that this woman was pregnant is the issue here. She's just plain old rude!!!! I can't believe the other passengers didn't say anything! Hope you're alright.

funkybuddah Sat 30-Nov-13 00:07:06

Pregnancy not Penance. Jeeze

sontaranstrax Sat 30-Nov-13 00:07:56

I had a hysterectomy 5 weeks ago and an infection which flared up afterwards, I'm still feeling quite wobbly about it. Which obviously the women on the train couldn't have known, but it didn't help.

zatyaballerina Sat 30-Nov-13 00:11:10

You shouldn't have moved. In future repeat 'I'm ill and not moving for you, if you're too stupid to understand that lots of people have illnesses and disabilities, that's your problem, I'm not moving. ask someone healthy' until the stupid cunt moves on.

maddening Sat 30-Nov-13 00:13:09

but if you know you have an invisible reason for needing the seat then why not explain a little more - eg "I am recovering from major surgery and am in pain trying to stand" would suffice

sontaranstrax Sat 30-Nov-13 00:15:35

maddening I tried explaining I was recovering from an operation, the pregnant women on the train were of the opinion that pregnancy gets priority for seats, end of, and no one else was volunteering. I do look younger than I am so I think I must have been targeted to ask as someone likely to move, and when I didn't she lost the plot.

BrianTheMole Sat 30-Nov-13 00:16:56

I agree op. Someone else should have moved for the entitled cow, but you needed that seat. Next time, say you are recovering from surgery and do not move. Hope you're ok.

middleclassdystopia Sat 30-Nov-13 00:17:42

I wouldn't have been rude about it. I would have asked nicely then apologised when you explained you needed a seat for medical reasons.

But yes I would expect, for example, a young fit thing to give up a seat if i'm hugely pregnant and struggling etc

SaucyJack Sat 30-Nov-13 00:17:57

Sorry you met a rude person, but YABU to make this about all pregnant women.

BrianTheMole Sat 30-Nov-13 00:18:31

Well, just state your case, and thereafter ignore ignore ignore. Read your book or stare into space. But don't move.

Bogeyface Sat 30-Nov-13 00:18:39


maddening Sat 30-Nov-13 00:18:48

well then yanbu - if you explained then they were nobs

neunundneunzigluftballons Sat 30-Nov-13 00:27:54

OP you should not have had to move but someone else should have. We have an incredibly self centred world where some one so heavily pregnant has to ask people for a seat on a train. a problem compounded by those who have been accused of being pregnant even though they are overweight

jellybeans Sat 30-Nov-13 00:31:07

YANBU as they were rude. However some pregnant woman have complications requiring them to rest. I would have had to sit down when I was pregnant in that situation as have IC (multiple and late term losses) and was pretty much on bedrest although had to go out at times. I would never have been rude though.

sontaranstrax Sat 30-Nov-13 00:33:37

I'm not disputing that jellybeans, but there were plenty of other people the woman in question could have asked. I don't see why I should be expected to move despite my own health because pregnancy reigns supreme.

Bogeyface Sat 30-Nov-13 00:34:13

Jelly yes some pregnant do need to sit, that doesnt give them the right to verbally abuse someone who had serious medical issues themselves! Rant and rave at a carriage full of healthy but selfish middle aged male commuters? Yes. Rant and rave at a woman who already explained she couldnt move due to recent major surgery? No.

Bogeyface Sat 30-Nov-13 00:34:34

Pregnant women obv!

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