AIBU to do CC with my 14mo who is FT at nursery(40 Posts)
DP and I have been arguing the last few nights over how to handle DS's night-waking. He thinks IABU to go to and comfort him instead of leaving him to cry it out.
DS - 14mo - has been at nursery for a few months, since I returned to work FT. We are very lucky as he really enjoys it, has bonded well with his carers and has never cried at drop off (8am) (yet!). All that said, he is clearly delighted when I pick up at 445pm every day and is a bit more clingy to me since he started.
We did CC when DS was 7mo (the point at which we broke through lack of sleep) and it worked really well for us. After 3 days of CC he slept through, 7-7 and now settles himself off at naps/bedtime no probs. This carried on until around his first birthday/starting nursery. Whether its down to a change of routine, teething or constant bugs he catches at nursery, he has regressed a bit with sleeping.
He will wake at 11 or 12, sometimes again at 2ish and then around 5. At the 5am wake we give him his morning bottle in the cot and he takes it and goes back to sleep until 7. The other 2 wakes we reassure him and pat but recently he has been really crying and won't settle for up to an hr.
I feel that because he doesn't have his parents all day, I can't leave him to cry at night like before. I don't jump to him straight away but I can tell if its a whimper and he will go back to sleep or if a few mins in he is screaming and past the point of no return and cuddles are needed. DP has a much stricter approach and gets really angry at me for going to DS. To be fair to DP - he did all the hard work during CC and always has since when we need to get DS back in routine after illness/hols etc, so he feels i am undoing his hard work. I just feel that our circumstances have changed now and that DS doesn't have the security and comfort of us being around for him all day. I don't want to fuel insecurity in him by leaving him crying in his cot alone at night.
AIBU? Am I just feeling guilty at night for being at work FT? Or making a rod for my own back by being fooled by my now older and cleverer baby who is turning the tables on his parents?
Or is DP BU and a bit mean to DS?
Yabu. I work, I have always brought dd to my bed if shecries. They soon stop pplaying and go back to sleep if you pretend to sleep.
CC is incredibly unpopular on Mumsnet and there will be few replies recommending it, there must be lots of us (myself included) who did CC but are frightened to post .
My personal view is to agree with your DP - but if you are not keen then there's not much point in doing it.
Therefore you have to put up with the disturbed nights.
Sorry, I couldn't pretend to be happy to see a child at 5 am if I had to get up and drive to work, too dangerous to be sleep deprived.
I would definitely try to get some routine and less waking, whether proper CC (short intervals) or gradual withdrawal which is much nicer with older ones, but takes longer. Up to you if you want to co-sleep.
I also agree that you are giving out mixed messages at night- at the mo, your lo is sometimes getting cuddles and a bottle of milk, how is he supposed to know which wake-up this happens in and which not. Even if I went to mine in the night, I wouldn't be cuddling chatting giving them milk I would be very quiet and just say 'lie down, it's sleepy time now' and stroke their hair/rub back at most.
But I don't see anything wrong with thinking about whether you can cope as a family with this amount of waking. Basically to me, that's a tiny baby's pattern of waking and I couldn't live with it ongoing unless the children were ill/having nightmares or something like that.
They soon stop playing and go back to sleep if you pretend to sleep - not always, my best friend will not do any form of sleep training whatsoever - she is still disturbed EVERY SINGLE NIGHT by her two children who are now 8 & 10. The only time they slept through the night was on the one occasion she left them with relatives .
I'm not sure, I'd be tempted to agree with your DH though but I can see your point of view.
I'm at Sahm with a 16mth old with a similar (lack of) sleep pattern. I don't have any magic answers, I just wanted to give a different perspective and to say i very much doubt its any reflection of his feelings towards being left at nursery.
My 16mth old is my Ds3 and I've had all 3 of mine in every version of childcare (nursery, grandparents and childminder) and they were super adaptable but this boy is just not one for sleeping at the mo.
It will come. My "trick" at the mo to gain the crucial extra half hour is give him a bottle. Magic eh.
My point is my 16mth old wakes fairly frequently, needs some reassurance through the nite and judging by my Ds1 & 2 its normal.
I'm so sorry for the abrupt, formal typing but i'm on a new phone
Jeansthatfit-the lovely calm collected voice all us mums need to hear. Lovely post.
jeansthatfit I am spending every waking hour I am not at work with him. That's not a problem. And when I'm with him, its quality time; I've ditched doing housework or making calls while he's awake. We play, chatter, go to park etc...
mumToOne33 when you say "they soon stop playing and go back to sleep when you pretend to be asleep"....I take it 'they' refers to your DD. or have you co-slept with a lot of other children to reach this conclusion? After a good 20 mins of bounding around the bed DS will slide off the bed and explore the bedroom , if we let him, before heading out to tackle the stairs...I'm not alone in having put peppa pig on the iPad in wee small hrs for a baby who won't go back to sleep.
Some good advice here thanks. My instinct is to relax a little and accept the stage we are at and whilst teething and bugs are rife, put CC on hold for cuddles and soothing.
Id cut the milk in bed. If he sometimes gets milk.to send him back over and sometimes doesnt he will be confused.
At every waking id (and have successfully), give him three minutes of continuous crying (if he goes quiet for a bit and starts up again,.start the 3mins again)
Then after three mins,.go in, tuck him in and say "shhhh its night night time now" and leave.
Do that for every waking that isnt morning. Repeat as necessary.
Ive always been quite strict with dd, in that once she is in her room,.she is in til.morning. Anything she needs in the night she gets in there. Bringing him.into you bed sometimes and not.others is confusing.
Whatever plan you choose with your dh, stick to it. Give it a good week to ten days before trying something new
Try READING THIS
Read the whole thread if you can. This really worked for me with Dd. She didn't sleep through ever until I found this thread at 19 months. It takes a bit of determination to wake yourself at the appointed time for a week, but it is so worth it.
Op my ds is 16 months now. Cc didn't work for me. What does work is putting him to sleep at 8 after a wind down bath, massage, book, bottle. He's usually so knackered he goes straight to sleep. I put him in his cot then give him his bottle & say goodnight. When I was trying to put him to sleep earlier it didn't work. He'd wake up constantly. Maybe try putting him to bed later and letting dh have a bigger part in his bedtime routine?
Is he having too many naps at nursery?
MY DS stopped having daytime naps at 16 months, but was asleep by 7 pm every night.
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