AIBU to think that if DH and I can't agree on a name, I should get the casting vote?

[Sleepthief]

mostly lighthearted and definitely somewhat trivial, but I am willing to be told...

Nearly 34 weeks with DS4 and DH and I have entered into a stand-off over names (I like Ruari, he likes Eric). Neither of us actively dislikes the other's choice, but neither of us is willing to budge this far...

I think that as I am the one who has suffered the joys of pregnancy and is about to either push an 8lb+ baby out of my vagina or succumb to major abdominal surgery I get to be Len Goodman here and get the final say over the name.

His argument is that he has never got his first choice through to pole position (he has, however, agreed to all three DS's - lovely - names; and I have never been so dogmatic before although admittedly this may be because i haven't had to be) He also says that as he is planning a vasectomy to prevent any more such situations, this weighs the argument in his favour .

He has perhaps reasonably suggested that if we can't agree we should flip a coin... But I don't want to call my baby Eric throws toys out of pram and would rather start again from scratch.

So mumsnet jury, AIBU?

I have previously brought this up in baby names and the consensus was that my choice was both nicer and went better with our three existing (and mumsnet approved ) names.

[Sleepthief]

Oops, that's longer than I intended - sorry . Just killing time as I wait for DS3 to go back to sleep...

[claraschu]

If Dad gets to choose the last name, Mum gets to choose te first name.

[Sleepthief]

Good argument point, claraschu

[intitgrand]

yabu the baby is just as much his as yours. Do you thinkit is right fra parent tohatetheir child's name? If you are both dead set against eachothers first choiceof name , then you need to go to second choices and third, until you find something you areboth happy with

[Sleepthief]

Thanks intit. I did say that neither of us actively dislikes the other's choice, and DH has suggested flipping a coin... I would never try to force a name he hated

[DottyboutDots]

I used the "you got the last name argument" on my third. We had agreed the other two quite easily (both mine though, but he didn't realise). He hated DC3's proposed name from month 4. I tried to think around it for a months and then on the way to hospital it came back to me in a flash. He tried to argue against it and I was adamant that it was the best name and the others were just trying to dilute it.

It's his favourite name now.

'Erik' could be slightly better.

[Sleepthief]

These are tactics worth considering, Dotty. Unfortunately re spelling, I think it's the Cantona connection he is particularly drawn to

[Xochiquetzal]

are there future godparents who could help you decide? that's what DH and I did (we were stuck between Lara and Elizabeth, DH won with Lara, which actually is better with our surname and he was right.... DON'T TELL HIM I SAID THAT!)

Have to say I like Ruari but will it work with your surname?

[DottyboutDots]

Cantona!! Ruari it is.

[Sleepthief]

Ruari does work well with our surname, so there's no trouble there - in fact it is practically perfect in every way . But I suppose in a way I should be grateful for small mercies - his choice could quite easily have been Ole Gunnar Solskjaer...

FWIW Xochi, Elizabeth and Lara are both lovely names.

[GertBySea]

I think it would be nice to give him slightly preferential treatment if you chose the other 3's names.

But since his choice is Eric, I would start again, as you say. Let both go, if only temporarily and see what you come up with.

I let DH win in naming DD2. He let me win with Dd1. I don't regret dd2's name now and really love it. However for at least the first 6 months of her life I still preferred my first choice.

Can I ask how you say Ruari? Like Rory?

[MrsMook]

DH and I agreed happily on DS1's first 2 names, but had a dispute on the 3rd. He understood why I wanted the 3rd name, but wasn't mad on the choice nor the concept of a 3rd name. I won with some post-birth emotional black mail, using the 40 hrs of labour and EmCS my advantage groaning"I think I deserve name 3 now". I think pregnancy and birth buy the trump card on names, and it's most likely to be DM who stands in the park yelling "X!" at a rapidly disappearing toddler, and known hereafter as "X's mum".

[Sleepthief]

It can be ronounced the same as Rory, or with more emphasis on the 'Ru', as in Roo-ary (phonetic spelling not my strong point). It's basically the same name, but Rory is anglicised, and as with many Irish names there can be regional variations in pronunciation. I'm happy either way.

But I think we need to start again too, Gert.

[Sleepthief]

True facts, mrsmook

[TheSkiingGardener]

You have chosen the last 3 names? Give the man a break and let him name 1 of his. 4 children at least!

[Jolleigh]

I prefer Eric (not that that was the question! )

However I am going to take a pew and see what the jury says. I'm pregnant with my first and DP only seems to like Portuguese names. My stipulation is that as the child is growing up in England, I need to like the English translation. I think he's starting to hate me for it...

[Pearlsaplenty]

Yabvu

You chose all three of your dc names!!!?

Then compromise and go with his choice for once.

For what it's worth I don't think parents should ever have to compromise on names, if you don't like each other's choices you should go back to the drawing board and try for to find one that you both like. However since you got your choices for all your other children then I think you should make a compromise this time.

[ZillionChocolate]

I prefer Eric too.

Might depend on where you live though. I'd imagine that where I am, Ruari would bring a lifetime of "how do I spell that?" and people wondering how to pronounce it. I have a name like that and it's a PITA.

[ballstoit]

YABU

Ex-H chose dc1s name by vetoing every one of my choices (one of the many reasons he's an x ).

I chose dc2 & 3s names...but did go with his preference out of the several names I liked.

I think if you can't stand Eric, you have to come up with other names between you...it's not fair to get your choice by vetoing his every time.

[Brittabot]

As you chose the other three YABU.
But as the name is Eric you should definitely get a veto. Eric was what we called erections at our school

[JumpingJackSprat]

YAbu is not just your kid. I can't actually believe the one who said that the mum is more likely to be shouting it out in the park so she gets to pick. Yeah Ok then find another name.

[Joysmum]

Given you've named all the others I think it's his turn.

Get him to write a list of the possibles and put a line through the ones you hate but say it's his choice if the ones you don't mind either way on.

[Sleepthief]

Just to clarify - we agreed on names for our other three. They were, however, my suggestions. But I would never force a name DH didn't like; and hope the same courtesy would be extended to me .

[Groovee]

Dh and I couldn't agree on a girl's name for ds. I wanted Bethan, he wanted Bethany. He claimed Bethan was a made up name. I don't dislike ds's name as it does suit him but I went off it in pregnancy but dh loved it. So I went with it as I couldn't come up with any better suggestions.