dd (13) thinks I am being totally unreasonable (so what's new) as I have taken her phone off her for the second time after she sent messages referencing anal sex and lube to a boy she barely knows (esp as one of the messages mentioned that said boy had asked my dd2 (only just turned 11) about lube - eurgghh. 
Apparently, this is classed as 'banter' - as was the previous set of messages to a different boy she barely knows about prostitution with reference to oral sex?! (Ironic and 'jokey', according to her.)
I do not think this kind of topic is appropriate for anyone of any age to text to someone they hardly know. There is also swearing too - I don't like to see this in texts either but am less bothered about this and am prepared to let this go.
Should add dd goes to an all girls' school so sees boys as rather more interesting than they actually are. 
She certainly has no actual sexual experience though reads EVERYTHING not nailed down eg newspapers, books etc, and though internet filters apply, I daresay the odd thing there may also have slipped through. Presumably teens talk about such matters as well, and she also presumably picks up the general porn-inspired culture around us, where women are supposedly expected to look and act like porn stars in all contexts, no matter how inappropriate.
I've tried talking to her but despair of making her understand - have told her that that kind of 'banter' in the workplace would lose you your job, that texting/messaging is not the same as chatting in the flesh, as stuff is recorded potentially forever; but though in the past she's claimed to understand my point, she is now just weeping that she neeeeds her phone back, I'm killing her social life without it, and that this kind of chat is actually not that bad and 'all teenagers do it'.
So, dear MN jury, is she right? Do 'all teens' 'banter' like this? Am I prude? Or , alternatively, is she way out of order/in need of help (what help???) and how do I get her to understand how normal adults (or even teens) interact with each other on phones (or off them)?
AIBU?
and an old prude to be upset by dd13's pornified take on life?
tantrumqueensmum · 27/11/2013 18:42
Rufus44.Flippin' heck - no you are not being unreasonable or a prude. That's just way tooo much for a 13 year old. Not sure how you would go about rectifying the situation
Yanbu. It's disgusting talk. This is also how stories can spread, she might be labelled or called horrible names if these boys decide to show others the messages from her. It's definitely not normal for an 11 year old
isitsnowingyet - I queried the anal sex/lube ref and said at 13 I'd never have heard of these let alone be discussing them with virtual strangers; she dismissively told me they covered it in sex ed. Apparently.
I preferred it when they stuck to pictures of eggs and sperm, with the odd embarrassing 70s soft-focus pic of a naked person. 
YANBU! I took my DDs phone from her for a month for similar at 14.
She was sexting her BFs friend , who she hardly knew. They would all go out together as a group.
I was fairly graphic in my telling her that she was leading him on and certainly making it sound as if she wanted to do things with him that she had told me she did not really want to do. I did explain that he may not understand that she didn't really mean it, and should they get seperated from the group, he may well decide to keep her to the promises in the texts!
Teenage girls really are the biggest worry and give you more sleepless nights than newborns imo!!
13?
It's not that I'm easily shocked, but she's being very misguided and I am saddened.
Hope you get it sorted OP, just remember that it doesn't matter what so-called others are up to, you're the ones raising your children.
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