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To feel teary over a stupid bloody birthday.

(30 Posts)
WholeNutt Fri 22-Nov-13 20:59:37

For the past 5 years I have been away with work on my birthday. This year I am not, dh arrived home very early this morning after his night shift and went straight to bed which is absolutely fine he's shattered.

I went to visit my parents, my dad was in a foul mood and made sure we all knew it. I left shortly before 3pm when my dh would normally now be up.

I arrived home, he's not showered in his slops eating toast..fine, except we had agreed we would go for a late lunch and perhaps a walk afterwards. Didn't happen, he reclined and watched more repeats of the Big Bang theory until I finally said at 4.30 as we'd missed lunch perhaps we could go for dinner.

It's just a day, it's not a big birthday and lots of people spend it working etc but AIBU to wish that dh had made more of an effort to acknowledge my birthday? My birthday present from him was chosen by my 10 yr dsd which although nice he hadn't given me any thought.

Just feel disappointed sad

Canthaveitall Fri 22-Nov-13 23:21:56

YANBU and happy birthday cake

Mim78 Fri 22-Nov-13 22:52:39

I was so pissed off with my family over my birthday this year, so you have my sympathy.

WholeNutt Fri 22-Nov-13 21:42:44

Happy Birthday Kimblesj and huge congratulations! thanks

Mellowandfruitful Fri 22-Nov-13 21:40:35

Why not suggest you start afresh and treat tomorrow as your birthday? No need to make a massive speech, just say 'Hey, today was a pretty run-of-the-mill day so I feel like making tomorrow a special one as part of my birthday celebrations. Where shall we go?'

kimblesj Fri 22-Nov-13 21:40:32

Happy birthday op! It is also my birthday and mine has been a bit crappy but had my 3rd son 6 weeks ago so can't stray too far from him and husband worked all day! thankswine For you

Mellowandfruitful Fri 22-Nov-13 21:38:59

cake for everyone feeling a bit down about stuff.

WholeNutt Fri 22-Nov-13 21:38:48

I don't want to tell him I'm disappointed I don't want him to feel crappy, I'm unusually quiet, he knows I know he knows because he's making small talk. He's attempting to hug me but it's a bit bloody late!

Next year if I'm not at work I'll be arranging something with my friends.

Mellowandfruitful Fri 22-Nov-13 21:37:07

It is a disappointment that someone knows something is important to you and still can't make any effort towards doing something for it. It's one day a year.

MistAllChuckingFrighty Fri 22-Nov-13 21:32:08

I don't know how old you are (and no need to tell us) but I have been a bit teary for the last couple of days, for a few different reasons

I listen to Smooth Radio and they had 1977 as the choice year. Some records played reminded about some stuff I would rather choose not to think about (less than ideal childhood)

My kids are massively growing up, and I have reflected on how things are so different recently.

I am nearer 50 than 40 which is starting to weigh heavily.

OP, talk to your husband. If he is generally a good guy, tell him how you feel. x

enriquetheringbearinglizard Fri 22-Nov-13 21:31:29

We never make much fuss about birthdays, but your DH's attitude this year seems a bit crap really.

Happy Birthday, take your pick
cake flowers wine tardis

Hope he bucks up a bit next time x

MistAllChuckingFrighty Fri 22-Nov-13 21:27:55

My H has only been upping the effort in recent years (and tbh, so have I)

We went through a few doldrum years where we said "nah, it's only me, don't bother with it"

then our teenage kids dragged us both out of it and we try harder these days

cheminotte Fri 22-Nov-13 21:24:54

Happy birthday OP. I agree birthdays are special.

WholeNutt Fri 22-Nov-13 21:21:04

Generally he's pretty good! If I've been away for a length of time I get welcome home flowers which I really appreciate.

He knew I'd be home for my birthday this year and yet he still couldn't sort anything he only bought my present on Wednesday!!!

I do have some lovely wine and choccies from my folks so I might just gorge myself!!

MistAllChuckingFrighty Fri 22-Nov-13 21:16:44


What is your H like generally ?

WholeNutt Fri 22-Nov-13 21:15:17

We went for dinner, food was nice.dh isn't arsed with birthdays or christmas so seemingly can't understand why anyone else would be.

He knows these times are special for me and that I'm not normally around. I'm disappointed because I always try to make anyone's birthday something special, it's their day. Sad that it's never reciprocated (even though you don't give to receive!)

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 22-Nov-13 21:15:03

Yanbu. It's nice to have a bit of thought from someone who claims to love you.

KrabbyPatty Fri 22-Nov-13 21:14:44

Happy Birthday!

He sounds like an arse.

BrianTheMole Fri 22-Nov-13 21:10:50

Happy birthday! Here you go, wine wine wine flowers and cake

AngelsLieToKeepControl Fri 22-Nov-13 21:09:58

Happy birthday to you thanks wine

It was mine yesterday and I had a thoroughly shit day too. Dh is great most of the time but turns into a thoughtless wanker on any sort of celebratory day so you have my sympathies.

Did you manage to go for dinner? Could you order a takeaway and take over the TV for the rest of the night?

purrtrillpadpadpad Fri 22-Nov-13 21:09:21

Happy birthday. YANBU. Maybe ask him if he could make a bit of an effort next year. My DH was a bit rubbish (but I am quite demanding, allegedly) but I sat him down and said that his lack of effort (on the year he bought me nothing) made me feel sad and deflated on my birthday, and that I wanted him to treat me, make me feel special. Every year since I have had balloons and beautifully wrapped presents. I keep my amazon wish list full of things I really want so he picks off that, easy. He just needed me to make it clear.

ICameOnTheJitney Fri 22-Nov-13 21:08:59

Happy birthday! In your situation I wouldn't have waited though I'd have hassled him a bit until he got off the sofa!

Bowlersarm Fri 22-Nov-13 21:07:31

Happy Birthdays cake

MistAllChuckingFrighty Fri 22-Nov-13 21:07:13

Me and DH went out last night to our favourite restaurant.

Am more concerned about OP though. Are you ok ?

Hassled Fri 22-Nov-13 21:07:12

YANBU. A birthday is a big deal as far as I'm concerned (cue 100 posts saying it's not a big deal) and he should have made a degree of bloody effort. As should your father.

Too late to say Happy Birthday, because it wasn't one - but could Day After Birthday be a happy one instead?

Golddigger Fri 22-Nov-13 21:05:45

Happy birthday to both of you.

Did you do out to dinner?

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