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Aibu to stop ds from going to a birthday party tomorrow.

(45 Posts)
PrammyMammy Fri 22-Nov-13 18:41:54

Ds (5) had a hard time settling into school last year, we had lots of issues regarding another child, this year, p2, the boys have been separated and we have had a fab year so far.

Yesterday afternoon the school head teacher called me to say that another parent had called the school, extremely angry & threatening, because ds had hit her ds on the bus.
I collected ds from the bus stop & the driver hadn't mentioned it, so I told her I would go speak to him,
Head teacher warned that the other mum was demanding my details, she was wanting to come to my house or come to the school for me in the morning.(!!) she had asked the head to pass her number over to me because obviously the school wouldn't give my details.

Anyway.. I spoke to ds who said he didn't hit the boy. (which I later found out he did).
I called the mum who was seething with rage, she said her ds had bruised eyes, a bump on his nose, a swollen ear/face and was covered in scratches. Ds had used him as a human punch bag and she was calling the police.
I was mortified and said I would go speak to ds again, also that the head was going to speak to the boys in the morning.
I done the homework & left to get dh from work - explained the situation to him in the car (ds in the back listening to everything the other mum had said)
Ds immediately admitted hitting, straight away 'I did it daddy, I hit him and I'm really sorry'. He told his dad that there was a game with dinosaurs which he was losing so he hit boy on the face once but only once.

I immediately called other mum, said I was so sorry and ds had admitted hitting her ds, he will be punished and apologise in the morning.
The mum had calmed down and thanked me for calling.
I still wrote a letter to the head to say ds had lied and I'm not sure what actually happened on the bus and asked her to call me when she had spoken to them.
So last night. Ds was in huge trouble. I spoke to him about it being okay to lose in games, he couldn't always win, and it was wrong to hit anyone at all.
He was put to bed after dinner & homework.

When my phone went this morning I was expecting the worst. Instead the head teacher was totally honest and explained that the other boy had no marks on him at all (no bruises/scratches/cuts) and that ds had hit him once (not like a human punch bag), and ds was also hit on the arm- the boys mum had gone way overboard called the bus company and asked them to ban ds from their busses, being threatening etc. She assured me that it was a 1 off incident between two 5 year olds and there was no chance anyone was being banned from busses/arrested by the police/killed - (the mum had said she would kill her ds if he had hit anyone).
It was all blown out of proportion.

I have already told ds he isn't going to football tomorrow, he isn't having any tv or ds time for a week.
Just noticed it is his friends birthday tomorrow, they are having a party. Other mum won't be there because it's a small outing with only a few of the boys. The other boy is new to the school so isn't friends with birthday boy.

Dh has stated that there is no way he will be attending the party. I'm not even 100% sure ds knows it is tomorrow as he hasn't mentioned it.
I know the venue is expensive per child and have a strict capacity. So admittedly I'm also worried about upsetting another mum by not showing up.

So really my question is, am I going overboard by not letting him attend the party?
Is it a punishment if he doesn't remember the party or should I tell him that today is df's birthday and he can't go? Or should I let him attend but remind him it was arranged before the bus incident?

This is the first major punishment ds has had and I've no older children, I honestly don't know.

Sorry for long post, I didn't want to miss anything and please don't be to hard on me if it's blindingly obvious he shouldn't attend.

junkfoodaddict Fri 22-Nov-13 21:52:33

One punishment is enough aged 5.

Nanny0gg Fri 22-Nov-13 21:43:55

Can I ask why 5 year-olds are on a bus unsupervised? I assume it's because of distance from school, but shouldn't the council have someone on there supervising?

Groovee Fri 22-Nov-13 21:40:24

Glad you've got it all worked up.

Mattissy Fri 22-Nov-13 20:10:48

The way you were talking I thought they'd be 15, not 5! What a horrible other mother, totally over the top.

Your ds confessed he's had his punishment, let him go to the party.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Fri 22-Nov-13 20:08:55

I'd let him go, hes apologised for it.

The other mother, fuck, what did she think the police would actually do, talk about a drama llama.

And her wanting to come to yours, what was she planning on doing to a 5 year old and heavily pregnant woman.

What a fucking wankbadger.

PrammyMammy Fri 22-Nov-13 20:08:13

I've spoken to him & told him the little boys mum wasn't nice telling lies.
We're going to football then to the shops to pick his friend a present for the party.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 22-Nov-13 19:58:10

Are you absolutely sure he did do it and wasn't just scared of the police?

Deadhamsterssmell Fri 22-Nov-13 19:48:55

5 year olds fight, it's not ideal and shouldn't go unpunished but it does happen. I would let him go to the party and, as he admitted that he hit the boy, I would lift the football ban.

As for the other mother...shock

When I read your OP I thought you were talking about teenagers and even then I thought the other mother was way overboard with her reaction.

eurochick Fri 22-Nov-13 19:43:35

I think he should go to the party too - I agree that he has probably been punished enough, but mainly it would punish the birthday boy if his little friend doesn't turn up (and his parents have to pay for it anyway).

CombineBananaFister Fri 22-Nov-13 19:36:34

Crikey, read the post and didn't realize you were talking about 5year olds - thought they were 11 or something by the amount of damage your Ds supposedly did shock
I think you should let him go to the party, the other mum totally over-reacted to what sounds like a childish scuffle (but still punishable as you have done).

BruthasTortoise Fri 22-Nov-13 19:23:21

I think that's a good idea prammy, with any luck it'll have gone right over his wee head but they do sometimes worry about the strangest things smile. If the other mother had been "normal" you'd probably never even have heard about this incident, it would've blew over before the kids ever went back into school the next morning.

MollyHooper Fri 22-Nov-13 19:22:38

I would be absolutely fuming if I were you OP, what kind of person makes up such lies about a child?

To then go further and try to get him banned from using the bus?

I would be telling DS how wrong she was to lie about him like that. He must be feeling very worried about all of this.

Only1scoop Fri 22-Nov-13 19:19:58

Blimey the other mum was way ott by what the Hm said....I think I'd let him go as he has lost treats already....thank goodness the other mother won't be there! Five year olds banned from school busses shock

PrammyMammy Fri 22-Nov-13 19:17:04

Yes I did mention the police, I told my dh everything she'd said on the phone in floods of tears when I got him from work. I never even thought of that. I'll make ds some milk and have a chat & a cuddle the now smile

eightandthreequarters Fri 22-Nov-13 19:16:38

Your poor DS. He's 5. He hit another child once; he may have been hit himself. The other mother has lied, blown it all out of proportion and acted aggressively by demanding your details from the head teacher.

The whole incident doesn't amount to more than a telling off about not hitting. Of course he should go to his friend's party!! Take him to football too, and give him back his DS.

The other mother is unhinged.

OneStepCloserIWillExterminate Fri 22-Nov-13 19:11:31

I agree totally with Bruthas, hes 5, poor thing got involved in a scuffle and all hell broke lose for him. The other mum sounds horrendous.

BruthasTortoise Fri 22-Nov-13 19:10:31

Also if you mentioned infront if your DS the other mothers threat of going to police please reassure him that's not going to happen. That's not something any five year old should have to worry about.

WaitMonkey Fri 22-Nov-13 19:08:55

As someone said upthread, the other mother is a first class loon. Banning a 5 year old from a bus, never heard anything so stupid. He's 5, he's been punished enough in my opinion. If you decide not to send him to the party, you should ring the party mum tonight. So she can offer the party place to another child. You should certainly pay for his place at the party, if nobody else goes.

BruthasTortoise Fri 22-Nov-13 19:07:01

This is one of the most ridiculous threads i've ever read (not on your part OP but the other mother!) To be honest I would lift all punishments and give your DS a cuddle. Yes hitting is unacceptable but he hit another child once, he didn't attack anyone and he didn't harm anyone really. A stern telling off, maybe missing a day of screen time but that's the height of it IMO.

alwaysonmymind Fri 22-Nov-13 19:06:03

Please let him go to football and the party.
He has been punished.
5 year olds are still learning control. It does sound 6 of one etc.
I think the other mother's initial reaction has made you feel the punishment has to be big. It doesn't.

And if you need a bit of time to yourself get by taking him to the party. When you said you were 36 woks pg I thought "it's lucky you didn't stress yourself into an early labour!"

WooWooOwl Fri 22-Nov-13 18:59:50

I think he's had more than enough punishment.

It would be very rude towards the party host family and their child to let them down at the last minute, especially when you know there's only a small group going and your ds's place has been paid for. It would be very unfair on the birthday child, as they would be effectively being punished too. I know at 5 my ds would be upset if one of his friends couldn't come to his special birthday treat when he'd been looking forward to it.

Even if your ds did deserve another punishment (which he very much doesn't) then you would just be sending the message that other people's feelings don't matter and it's ok to let them down. Your ds might not remember that it's tomorrow now, but you'd have to tell him otherwise the punishment is pointless anyway.

He's only 5!

usualsuspect Fri 22-Nov-13 18:59:46

I'd let him go to the party and football.

It was a silly scuffle by the sounds of it.

The other mother sounds barking.

PrammyMammy Fri 22-Nov-13 18:59:43

The football/tv/ds ban was put into place last night when I had the mum on the phone saying her ds was bruised & bleeding. So you might be right because I did base it on a much worse situation than what it all turned out to be.

SauvignonBlanche Fri 22-Nov-13 18:58:51

I'd let him go, it's not fair on the party boy for a start and he's been punished enough.

ICameOnTheJitney Fri 22-Nov-13 18:58:40

Let him go to the party. 5 year olds make mistakes.

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