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To NOT tell a mum that her son was freezing cold?

(43 Posts)
CustardLover Fri 22-Nov-13 18:08:37

I was out with my dc and my dm today when we met the son of an NCT friend of mine out with his dad. He's two and a half and was so inadequately dressed for the weather that I shivered just looking at him. He was in a t-shirt and thin rain jacket - no jumper or warm coat or hat or anything - and short trousers with bare legs. His dad was in a massive shearling coat. My mum was horrified and thinks I need to tell the mother that her dp doesn't dress their ds appropriately for the cold. I would be massively uncomfortable doing this - I don't know the dp well and I just don't think it's my place. I think she will be able to see what her ds is wearing when she comes home from work herself. But I do feel bad for the cold little boy. AIBU not to comment to the mum?

AnythingNotEverything Fri 22-Nov-13 18:10:21

Was he actually cold? Sounds like the kind of outfit my DS would insist upon - he doesn't feel the cold.

Don't get involved.

YouTheCat Fri 22-Nov-13 18:12:12

She might not see it. Though I'd mention it to the father, in a casual way because some people just don't ever think.

Dilligufdarling Fri 22-Nov-13 18:13:13

Would you tell the DP if it had been your friend with their DS? You'd be in danger of suggesting the dad didn't know how to parent if you said something.
I'd leave it well alone, that could well be the boy's favourite outfit du jour and he refuses anything else.

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 22-Nov-13 18:17:19

If he's anything like my dd he would have a started off all layered up and then removed all coats and jumpers and hats withing a few mins of being out and walking/running about. Even now she will run outside in her underwear with absolutely no care in te world about how cold it is

littleomar Fri 22-Nov-13 18:21:04

That's what my 3yo wore today.

Cat98 Fri 22-Nov-13 18:22:26

Maybe the ds wouldn't put a jumper on. My ds was like this and rather than physically force him into a jumper I'd say 'ok then, tell me if you're cold and we'll put it on then'. Usually, he'd ask for it on within 10 mins of being outside, but occasionally (especially if running around) he wouldn't.

Bubbles1066 Fri 22-Nov-13 18:23:38

Don't say anything. Both my kids don't like clothes much. My son walked home from nursery today in a thin top, he wouldn't wear his fleece or coat. My daughter is younger so I can make her keep a coat on but she will not wear a hat or keep her legs in her cosy toe. Already I've had old people say 'she needs a hat!' when walking by. It drives me mad. As long as the kids don't look neglected is just assume they won't wear anything else.

MrsMook Fri 22-Nov-13 18:25:02

My DS is a similar age and frequently of a similar state of dress. He doesn't want to layer up and seems to have anti-freeze blood. The important bit is that I have appropriate layers avaliable for him to wear reject

I wouldn't appreciate being told. He's capable of telling me he's cold/ needs a coat/ jumper.

BrianTheMole Fri 22-Nov-13 18:26:53

My 3 yr old was dressed like this today. He refused to put anything else on. I would be very unimpressed if someone made a comment like that to me.

CustardLover Fri 22-Nov-13 18:30:07

Yep, good points re hardy toddlers and I hate the idea of criticising the dad! Good - got to say my instinct was to say nothing but my dm has been guilting me all day. Thanks.

Dogmatix34 Fri 22-Nov-13 18:31:33

Agree with the comments above. My three year old dd refuses to wear much in the cold and it pisses me off so much when people comment on it

Goalie Fri 22-Nov-13 18:33:18

Yes, say something. It might be that the child hates wearing jumpers, or only wears t shirts, or had just taken several other layers off. Or, it might be that he was inadequately dressed and was freezing.

It's very easy to 'not get involved', but I would personally have the courage to speak up if I was concerned about the welfare of a child. What's the worse that could happen? It certainly wouldn't be worse that a child suffering because his Dad wasn't taking reasonable care of him..

MetellaEstMater Fri 22-Nov-13 18:33:28

Anyone who saw DD and me at the park today would have thought me neglectful. She flatly refused to keep her coat, hat or gloves on or put on the spare cardigan I bought. She is almost three and just doesn't seem to feel the cold.

nicename Fri 22-Nov-13 18:37:43

I once passed an awfully posh mar-mee in the park with her son. He was wearing swimming trunks and a raincoat/wellies. His sister had a bright pink tutu, no tights and wellies. There was snow on the ground and they were chatting happily about this and that. They didn't seem cold. I remember my mum chasing me with hat, coat and gloves as I ran out to play in the snow. Kids don't seem to feel he cold like us oldies!

candycoatedwaterdrops Fri 22-Nov-13 18:40:13

Um Goalie, it's a bit far fetched to compare this to being concerned for the welfare of a child. Being inappropriately dressed, alone, is not an issue. I was the hottest child known to man. I'd wear a t-shirt in the snow, if I was allowed. It's not that cold.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 22-Nov-13 18:41:22

You are right, it's not your place.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 22-Nov-13 18:42:03

DD sweats like a pig if I try to dress like I would want to dress in the cold. Possibly she runs hotter but also, she never stops moving for a second. She does say on the odd occasion if she is cold (normally when she has become wet - fountain playing in the ice!).

CMOTDibbler Fri 22-Nov-13 18:42:11

I'm sure the child would have been crying if they were cold. Its really not that cold today if they are being active. We're in the midlands, and ds was quite happy in just shorts and rugby top at school from 1 till 5 (he could have put on his base layer, tracksuit top or fleece at various points in that time)

theywillgrowup Fri 22-Nov-13 18:48:40

i cringe when i see small babies not wrapped up (cant walk etc) sat in the buggy,no socks etc some times,now that makes me judge

toddlers etc do have a funny way of leaving the house fully dressed and coming home practically naked though

ocelot41 Fri 22-Nov-13 19:08:47

He's two and a half not a baby - he'd be whinging like crazy if he was cold! Not nec saying 'I am cold' but generally grumpy, grizzly, whingy. If child wasn't voicing his displeasure (loudly) I would guess he's ok....

DeWe Fri 22-Nov-13 19:16:03

Ds (age 6yo_ came out of school yesterday in shorts and t-shirt only. I asked if he wanted his jumper on and he looked at me hmm and said "mum! I'm boiling!"
He's also still wearing sandals to school as he prefers them to his closed in shoes.

I am there in my coat, jumper, hat and gloves.

If dh is on his scooter he might, as a consession to the cold, put his gloves on.

BohemianGirl Fri 22-Nov-13 19:16:11

Local prep takes the boys in from 2yrs 9 mths. They all wear shorts irrespective of the weather.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Fri 22-Nov-13 19:18:22

Hmmmmm - I think I'd want to know in her shoes. (My DS is whippet thin but never wears warm clothes. Even now he wears a short sleeved shirt and his blazer to school when I see other boys in coats. And yes, I know Secondary pupils don't do coats)

But at infants the teachers sometimes raised the subject of my DS and his attire. I made sure he always had a coat but horses/water/drink

I'd be tempted to say next time I saw him "Jings, Sam, weren't you freezing on Friday? I had my thermals on" grin .
He might say "No" or he might say he was...

YouTheCat Fri 22-Nov-13 19:39:28

The reason I said I would mention it is because I did know a mother when my kids were in reception who would wheel her 18 month old dd about in her pushchair. She'd have a thin dress and no shoes. She had no clue that her dd would be cold and her dd had learned not to cry because she got a whack if she did.

There was a whole lot more going on there than just the clothes situation and the kids were on the at risk register.

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