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to let dd1 (6) be late for school one day?

(76 Posts)
muddyprints Fri 22-Nov-13 13:57:13

dd1 loves school and likes to get her attendance mark.
but every morning (including weekends) she stands around doing nothing while I try to get us all out on time.
she comes down at 7 and eats breakfast, no problems, but as soon as we go upstairs to get ready she literally just stands there. I put her uniform out and tell her to wash and dress. 5 mins later while im washing dd2 I look in her room and she is gazing out the window. I tell her again to get ready and 5 mins later she is looking at some pants.
I have tried making it a race with me, with her sister, counting while she does things, getting ready and going downstairs without her sh she can just get on, telling her she will be late, but everyday is the same.
aibu to just once not nag her and let her be late so she realises it is her getting the late mark not me.

muddyprints Fri 22-Nov-13 14:35:02

at school she changes for pe twice a week and swimming once a week, I wonder if she just sits there holding a sock??

VerySmallSqueak Fri 22-Nov-13 14:35:27

I think it also improves when they can tell the time easily themselves.

muddyprints Fri 22-Nov-13 14:36:13

she has no sense of urgency even if its for her benefit.

DIYapprentice Fri 22-Nov-13 14:36:43

That's too much time!

Get her dressed as soon as she wakes up. Get them BOTH dressed. You can either use an old shirt to put over their clothes to protect them from getting dirty, or use it as a method of teaching them to eat neatly, and just sponge off any minor marks or swap jumpers at the last minute.

I do this with DS1 and 2 who are 4 and 6, so similar ages to yours. DS1 is a complete dreamer just like your DD2, I swear he seems to go into some sort of trance when it's dressing/undressing time!!!! But as they share a room they are getting dressed together so as I help DS2 I chivvy DS1 along. The word 'focus' is a heavily used one in our house.

I've also found they eat better for having had a bit of time before breakfast.

7.30 - 7.50 getting dressed and beds made
7.50 - 8.15 breakfast (while I make their lunches)
8.15 - 8.30 teeth brushing, last items into bag, loo trips
8.40 - 8.45 out the house

Play time only happens when EVERYTHING is done and they are completely ready, bar shoes and coat.

You need to get yourself ready either before they are up, or after they have finished breakfast.

muddyprints Fri 22-Nov-13 14:37:28

she cant tell the time yet,

DIYapprentice Fri 22-Nov-13 14:37:50

but is it normal at 6 to pick up your pants and then sit there holding them and do............nothing.

If DS1 is anything to go by, then yes. And he does it at school too, the teachers have had a good laugh with me about it. (When they not pulling their hair out grin)

VerySmallSqueak Fri 22-Nov-13 14:40:42

Honestly you could be talking about my DD. muddy
I could go back in the room after 5 minutes and find her tights are still halfway up her legs and she's sitting doing precisely nothing.
Even if we're going to go to do something as a fun day out,it's the same old same old.

Not worth getting stressed about imo.

She'll get there and until then,constant reminders to avoid the last minute mayhem.

VerySmallSqueak Fri 22-Nov-13 14:42:51

muddy I really think being able to tell the time themselves is the crux of it if my experience is anything to go by.

It's only then mine seemed to get the feel of what 5 minutes feels like,and how close it's getting to leaving time.

My DD(7) is still not 'fluent' with time.

Artandco Fri 22-Nov-13 14:46:02

You need to change the morning. As soon as up they get dressed/ hair/ teeth. Everything that needs doing upstairs so you don't have to go back up.

Then breakfast, play if time and out the door. Then if dressing takes forever they are ready at least and will have to cope with a banana and piece of brioche on the way to school and no play.

Mattissy Fri 22-Nov-13 14:46:32

Mine get dressed before breakfast, they then only need go back upstairs for teeth brushing and face washing, they never have to go back to their bedrooms where there's distractions.

If you don't like that put their clothes in the lounge and make a thing about getting dressed in front of the fire or something?

SparklyFucker Fri 22-Nov-13 14:52:08

I've dragged mine to school in their pyjamas before, and in just their pants and socks. They've never done it more than three times between them. If I say we are leaving the house at X time, then we are leaving, regardless of what you are wearing at the time. Clothes will be budled into a carrier bag and taken with us. If you can get them on in thirty seconds flat on the doorstep (with the door closed and locked behind us), fine, otherwise start walking. Even in this weather.

I agree with others that perhaps you need to re-jig the order of things. Get them dressed first, then do breakfast, then any other tasks (homework etc), and only when you would be ready to actually leave if necessary are they allowed playtime until the true departure time.

SparklyFucker Fri 22-Nov-13 14:53:40

They're 5 and 7 now, ds2 was taken in his pyjamas within the first half term of reception last year.

lougle Fri 22-Nov-13 14:53:46

It will tire you but if you get a set routine going, it will sink in.

Ok, DD1 - knickers.
Great. Socks.
Skirt - go on, skirt! 30 seconds...ready
Quickly then, shoes.


TwoTearsInABucket Fri 22-Nov-13 14:59:10

Definitely leave to playing till after she is ready. Dd watches tv in the morning and it has to go off for her to get dressed. I do sit with her and do a running commentary of what has to go on next otherwise it wouldn't get done at all. She is reception.

KeepingUpWithTheJonses Fri 22-Nov-13 14:59:46

I feel for you op.

I have a 5 (nearly 6) year old ds and a 3 year old ds.

I swear that ds1 is taking longer and longer to get dressed every day.

I lay out both of the boys clothes as i'm finishing off last minute bits (lunches etc). After 2 minutes flat, my 3 year old will come find me, fully dressed, shoes and everything, and asks me to help do his buttons.

Ds1 will still be sitting naked, looking at his pants/socks/shirt/an interesting mark on the wall/whatever...

I remind him, I cajole him, I stand over him to watch, I make it into a fun race, I threaten, plead...

He will do it, eventually, but he takes aaggeeeesssss.

He is otherwise very well behaved, will do anything else I ask/tell him immediately. It is a PITA.

redskyatnight Fri 22-Nov-13 15:02:31

Agree leave playing till she gets ready. Actually why not make it a reward "If you get ready quickly you can play for longer"?

Even if she can't tell the time you can tell her the configuration of hands/time on the clock that means you need to go. And tell her the same for 15 minutes earlier, which means she can't be sitting there staring at her pants any longer.

magentastardust Fri 22-Nov-13 15:02:50

So glad to have found this thread, DD1 age 6 exactly the same. DS -up bed made, strides down to breakfast , gets teeth done dressed in about 5 mins.
DD-I lay out her clothes , leave room to wrestle with DD2 into some clothes , pop back into her room 5 mins later and she is just standing there, I hurry her up , another 5 mins passes and she is standing in a pair of pants and no further progress!
I have tried to hurry her up in a nice way but we just end up with me nagging in the mornings which I don't like and isn't fun for anyone.
If you find an answer please let me know.

magentastardust Fri 22-Nov-13 15:04:40

and just to add dd is very well behaved I normally only have to ask her once to do anything but for some reason she just can't get going with getting dressed in the morning.

Iwaswatchingthat Fri 22-Nov-13 15:09:25

Oh dear OP I feel your pain. My dd1 was exactly the same and still is as dippy now she is 8 at times.

Solution for us was you don't come downstairs until you are dressed.

I bath them the night before too so the only washing is teeth and a quick face wipe with the flannel.

We keep another pair of toothbrushes downstairs and do it down there, so once they are downstairs they don't go back up.

ExcitedEmmy Fri 22-Nov-13 15:16:43

My six year old is in a dreamy morning state too. I wake her, try to instigate chat to wake her while I brush my hair and do my make up, I then tell her it's time to get ready and she comes to my room with me where we wake dd2 and get ready. She doesn't get up until 7.45 and we leave at 8.25. We have the radio on and dance around as we get ready which wakes her up a bit and I remind her if necessary. Her hair gets done last so she knows if she isn't ready before me she will be going to school looking like a scarecrow. We get downstairs for 8.10 and have breakfast.

VerySmallSqueak Fri 22-Nov-13 15:17:57

I have to say that agree with others that things did improve in our house when we started doing breakfast after dressing.

At 6 they should be able to eat breakfast without getting it all down their fronts (which was was stopped me when they first started school)

Perhaps its the way we are too?

I hate getting dressed and will leave it till the last minute.
It seems so futile when you're warm and comfy in what you've got on,and you know you'll have to do the reverse later.....

LadyVetinari Fri 22-Nov-13 15:28:02

Routine: bath sorted and everything laid out the night before, teeth first thing in the morning, then clothes on, then breakfast, then shoes on and hair done, then playing.

Also, could you get her a stopwatch for dressing? If she can't tell the time then a visual "10, 9, 8..." countdown will probably help her to understand how long she has.

LadyVetinari Fri 22-Nov-13 15:29:47

Oh and if all else fails, make sure the bedrooms are a bit chilly when they wake up so there's a benefit to getting dressed quickly. My mum used to have to confiscate my duvet in the morning for this reason... blush

MorgauseIsNotBlinking Fri 22-Nov-13 15:30:42

When I was teaching a little girl arrived late with a note from her dad saying she refused to put her shoes on every morning and they'd had enough, so left her to it. They brought her when she finally put them on.

We were busy on the morning's work. I read the note and looked at her and before I could say anything she burst into "sorry" tears and was never late again.

2goatytocare Fri 22-Nov-13 15:40:33

She sounds just like my 6 year old DD, I might try this as I know she'd hate to be late

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