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To think my friend is being a bit self entitled re Christmas leave

(73 Posts)
Arabesque1 Fri 22-Nov-13 13:30:36

She has two children under ten and works full time. Normally she takes leave over Christmas but this year a few colleagues, who usually provide cover because they have no children or their kids are grown up, are complaining and saying they want time off as well. As a result my friend has to go in on 28th and 29th Dec but will have 30th and 31st off (as well as having Christmas, Boxing and the following day off). She's kicking up murder and was on the phone to me for ages last night complaining about it. I made sympathetic noises but AIBU to think she's being a bit selfish about all this? Where I work we take turns, and everyone's needs are treated equally.

BTW her mum lives nearby and is always happy to take the children so it's not a child minding issue.

Arabesque1 Mon 25-Nov-13 13:36:25

Exactly Eldritch. And that suggestion that often seems to come up re parents get Christmas day off and child less people get New Year's eve is just another way of some parents getting their own way, but trying to make it look as if they're making an equally big sacrifice.
"I get to spend Christmas day at home with my family, enjoy a lovely Christmas dinner, have extended family come over to visit, etc etc. But in return you get to stay at home on New Year's Eve and plan what lipstick you're going to wear to the pub that night".

Bah, humbug angry

EldritchCleavage Mon 25-Nov-13 13:25:07

I don't get why having children is seen as the trump card that always wins. What about people with other kinds of family commitments, religious beliefs, etc etc?

Xfirefly Sat 23-Nov-13 18:24:52

she should consider that lucky!! I've worked Christmas day when I worked in care. I was 17 and tbh I really enjoyed it as I got to spend it with wonderful elderly people who hardly have anyone. some people got no choice but to work over Xmas its their job. if I get another job where working Xmas is involved I wouldnt expect it off just because I had my daughter.

Purple2012 Sat 23-Nov-13 18:14:32

She is being unreasonable. If only I had her problem! Where I work we all had an agreement that you work one Christmas day in 4 years. So 2 people working on the day. I have to work this year when I should be off as a colleague put in a sneaky leave request and had it granted. So I am working 2 out of 3 Christmases. This year I am again working Christmas day, boxing day, new years eve and new years day. I have never had a Christmas at home just me and my husband.

Only1scoop Sat 23-Nov-13 18:07:18

"There are enough single people and childless people who work here. I shouldn't have to work Christmas Day"
Was a quote of a colleague years ago I was horrified.
So people without children/single etc shouldn't celebrate Christmas....awful.
Until that point( I had no dc then) I used to volunteer over Christmas.
I thought never again!

Darkesteyes Sat 23-Nov-13 17:58:48

Just adding i ALWAYS worked all the other bank holidays throughout the year at the chatline including Easter.

Darkesteyes Sat 23-Nov-13 17:57:43

Unfortunately i did spend Christmas Day 2002 in hospital with gallstones.

Darkesteyes Sat 23-Nov-13 17:55:55

I used to work nights in a sex chatline office which shut Christmas Eve/Day Boxing Day New Years Eve/Day but opened on other days. I got both Christmases 2001 and 2002 off apart from doing 11pm to 3am on the evening of the 28th Dec in 2001 and 23rd December night shift both years which would obvs finish on 3am Christmas Eve.
This was worked out and everyone was happy cos everyone else in the office loved the hot weather and having time off over the summer and i prefer Xmas so i was lucky.
I SOOO agree with posters who are saying that childless ppl dont necessarily prefer NYE Im child free and also dont drink and have never been out NYE in my life.
But if in a similar position to some of you i would do rota/swopsies/alternate each year.....whatever was needed if it was worked out fairly.

mitchsta Sat 23-Nov-13 16:50:17

So if you don't have kids, you don't deserve to enjoy time off around Christmas with your loved ones?! SIBU. What a crap attitude.

Shonajoy Sat 23-Nov-13 16:49:25

There are three of us who cover a business that's open 8.30am-7pm. The deal is Nobody takes time off over Christmas, and we change shifts if people need time off. This was great for me when my kids were small, and my colleagues now get me doing Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve for them so they can spend time with their kids. One of the girls had just started, she has a three year old and had prev been in retail- she was nearly in tears when we arranged Xmas eve off with her, so she can spend it for the first time in five years with her family.

My other colleague has children with special needs, so I'm doing new year for her. Love being able to give back, I think your friend is very selfish. My kids are 19 and 18 x

RaRa1988 Sat 23-Nov-13 16:36:45

YANBU AT ALL. This woman is extremely self-centred and selfish. How dare she think her family is more important than anyone else's?! Just because other people may not have children does not mean they do not have anyone they want to spend Christmas with. This kind of attitudes p*sses me right off. I work 24/7 shifts, and some people at work think they're entitled to Christmas off because of their children. I kind of think they shouldn't have signed up to shift-work then!

theoriginalandbestrookie Sat 23-Nov-13 16:05:53

Starfishmummy - I wouldn't blame the people asking for the leave - perfectly normal that folks would request the break, it's down to management to do their job i.e. manage the situation. They clearly are not doing that effectively as it's not acceptable imho for people in standard jobs where you book holiday in advance, not to know if they are working christmas or not. They need to agree a system - even if it's picking names and dates from a hat.

DrCoconut Sat 23-Nov-13 16:02:35

Where I work the same rules re leave apply to all regardless of home life. No one works Christmas but at other times such as summer no one has first dibs, it is done by agreement within the teams so that someone is in except for the Christmas shutdown. We are all grown ups and cover each others backs so no one misses things that matter to them for whatever reason. In the event of an unresolveable clash the managers would step in and decide but so far we just hand in our rotas and everyone is happy. The place has its issues but luckily time off is not one of them.

tallulah Sat 23-Nov-13 15:55:51

I used to like working the quiet days between Xmas and New Year when my older DCs were teens. I'd get loads done at work and not have to listen to MTV at full blast grin

Since DC5 was born I've had to have every Xmas off because nursery always closed for the whole week, and now we have a 2 week school holiday. There is no childcare available and DH always has to work. (He generally goes in the day of the 24th and the night of the 26th/ 27th/ 28th/29th, so he doesn't even get a proper break sad )

But I've had colleagues like yours who insist on the whole fortnight off every year and never get told no. It is very selfish on their part and bad management to let them get away with it.

starfishmummy Sat 23-Nov-13 15:41:30

Our management have not yet agreed any xmas leave yet because they are oversubscribed with people wanting the whole time off from xmas eve until after new year.

NellysKnickers Sat 23-Nov-13 15:26:21

I've volunteered to do extra over the festive period because of all the squabbling between my childless colleagues, I'd rather take my annual leave in the summer anyway, rather than being stuck in with the dcs in the winter. It should be fair, if you get it off one year its someone else's turn the next. You always get the entitled twats though.

FeetUpUnitilChristmas Sat 23-Nov-13 14:35:35

As a company we shut down from Christmas Eve to New Years Day so I always have had a break and I am very lucky that usually my DH can take the same time, we can then arrange our Christmas around other family members leave/work patterns.

As a parent I understand that if you want to go away you have to take leave during school holidays, but I also understand that others may have family members working in education of just want to go away in peak period, its their choice. We open our holiday calendar for the following year in December by asking each department to discuss plans and to put forward a schedule for leave, basically at that point I hope that anyone who is tied to certain dates books leave and anyone who can't be bothered waits until nearer the time. This is fair to everyone.

annielouisa Sat 23-Nov-13 14:24:03

She is so selfish and totaly U. I am working Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Years Eve. We are a small team and everyone is pulling their weight. I am lucky enough to have a late start and early finish Christmas Day and our manager has been equally as accomodating with other staff. I think she has tried to gives us the best deal she could, (I am off 26-30th) because we were not a bunch of moaners and accepted our shifts with good grace.

nennypops Sat 23-Nov-13 13:41:51

It's people like this who get mothers a bad name in the workplace. Her workmates are perfectly entitled to want time with their families over Christmas. I must say after the work of preparing for Christmas and the chaos of Christmas itself, I'm not necessarily sorry to escape to work for a couple of days and leave others to deal with my overexcited dc.

RVPisnomore Sat 23-Nov-13 12:56:54

5foot5 - I do take your point and I don't leave it late to check however, I don't see why those who have school children should always automatically get what they want.

Equally, if someone says they are booking a holiday then fair enough I'll authorise but then say they may not get the same time the next year or have to cover a holiday later in the year. It's more about managing their expectations so they don't expect to get whatever they want whenever they want it.

theoriginalandbestrookie Fri 22-Nov-13 17:12:35


But slightly off the main topic re holiday requests - I requested all of my holidays ( bar xmas) for 2014. We were asked to submit what we wanted. I asked for school holidays - but was completely prepared to have to work around certain dates, if they weren't available.

Nothing wrong inmho with asking. Whoever is responsible for holiday rotas can say no. I have just booked flights to go away next Oct half term - I had to wait until my holidays were authorised and in that two week period they went up £200. If I was only allowed to arrange things 3 months in advance, or when those who don't like to book things in advance do it, then we would have far fewer holidays away than we do.

Luckily our office operates a shut down more or less over Christmas so we are all off.

Bithurt Fri 22-Nov-13 17:05:48

Where I work, we write down our preference. I'm off this Xmas but if I wrote down for it off next year and the others wanted it off too, who'd worked this year, I'd need to work it. We have a 1 year old so I wouldn't like it but it would be only fair.

TheHeadlessLadyofCannock Fri 22-Nov-13 16:58:10

Her behaviour is selfish and entitled to the max.

Just because someone has children does not mean they deserve leave on certain days more than someone who doesn't.

In this situation I think the only fair solution is a rota.

5Foot5 Fri 22-Nov-13 16:56:08

I have a team of 80 people working for me and have a few people who will request all of the peak school holidays and the Xmas holidays on 2nd January every year. Every year I tell them that won't authorise a whole years worth of holidays in one go and I will ask the team nearer the time so that it's fair.

Hmm. Trouble with that is if you want to book your main family holiday sometimes you have to do that months in advance - especially if you are limited to school holidays. I am not talking about a whole years worth at one go here just say a fortnight in the summer.

Summer this year I had commitments which meant there was only one possible fortnight when we could go away so I booked that fortnight back in October 2012! I would find it very difficult indeed if whoever authorised my holidays wouldn't authorize more than, say, 3 months ahead. That would potentially rule out lots of possibilities.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 22-Nov-13 16:52:11

Your friend, OP, is being a lot entitled. Are people with aged parents/other caring responsibilities not entitled to time off for their caring duties.

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