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My married lover is renting me a flat and l am devastated.

(131 Posts)
findyourwayhome Thu 21-Nov-13 18:50:43

l know l will be shot down in flames. Please don't judge me too harshly. l have been seeing a man for just over a year. We are both trapped in marriages with zero sex and we met and made a semi formal agreement involving exclusive sex and no more. The trouble is that in the last few months we have both fallen in love with each other. One moment he wants to leave his wife and be with me, the next moment he is ending it with me. Now he has rented me a flat. l am confused and fairly devastated as this signals to me that that will be all he will commit to longer term. Should l walk away? We have both been in unhappy marriages for nearly 8 years now. Does he want the best of both his wife and me? Is this it?

LindyHemming Thu 21-Nov-13 18:52:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApocalypseThen Thu 21-Nov-13 18:52:55

Yes. Walk away, get a divorce and get your life back. What you have now is no way to live.

MistAllChuckingFrighty Thu 21-Nov-13 18:53:01

Have you left your own husband ?

Can't you rent a flat yourself ? confused

MerylStrop Thu 21-Nov-13 18:53:01

He wants to have his cake and eat it

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 21-Nov-13 18:53:53

We are both trapped in marriages with zero sex Does someone have a gun to your heads? Seriously. Because if not, just leave your husband because you no longer love him rather than for some arsehole who obviously is not that into you.

BTW you actually have no idea what his marriage is like because you only have the word of a liar to go on.

Crowler Thu 21-Nov-13 18:54:00

You probably know this won't end well. Are there children involved?

jkklpu Thu 21-Nov-13 18:54:04

Why is this all about what he wants? You need to figure out what you want, ie your marriage or not, taking him out of the equation. Think about your relationship with your husband and what you're doing to him instead of being all starry-eyed about what you're doing with this other man. If he's cheated on his wife, why do you think he wouldn't cheat on you even if you did end up together? And how could he ever trust you?

Only1scoop Thu 21-Nov-13 18:54:09

Erm yeah....cake and eat it springs to mind....does he want you to move into the flat and leave your husband? Or is it just a passion pad for the affair?

DontLetTheMugglesGetYouDown Thu 21-Nov-13 18:54:51

Affairs never end well. If you were to leave your husband then wouldn't you need time to grieve the end of your marriage, instead of shacking up with another man?

If you are so unhappy then leave both of them and concentrate on yourself for a bit.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Thu 21-Nov-13 18:55:02

He wants you there waiting as a back up in case his wife finds out and throws him out. He has it all, his first choice and his fallback. What have you got?

sleeplessbunny Thu 21-Nov-13 18:55:19

What about your own marriage? Do you want that to end? I would say that should be your biggest concern right now.

Corygal Thu 21-Nov-13 18:55:31

He wants you as a mistress. He won't leave his wife. But I think you know that.

VerySmallSqueak Thu 21-Nov-13 18:56:19

Yes,he does want the best of both worlds,that's apparent.

Get out and don't look back.

TeaAndSconesTwice Thu 21-Nov-13 18:57:03

Sounds like he won't be leaving his wife.....
I think he wants his cake & to eat it like many have said.
Why is he renting you a flat? Can't you rent your own? Or is he renting the flat so can can pop by and get a shag when he feels like it? Whilst probably telling his wife he is on a business trip?
Your worth more than this, please don't waste anymore time on this man, this doesn't sound like love to me.

EstoyAqui Thu 21-Nov-13 18:59:04

He sounds like a wonderful catch, dishonest, controlling...

cantspel Thu 21-Nov-13 19:00:35

Do your husband a favor and leave him. Maybe your lover will leave his wife or maybe he wont but do bare in mind that if you go from being his lover to his new wife you just leave open a vacancy for his next lover.

BeerTricksP0tter Thu 21-Nov-13 19:00:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BettyBotter Thu 21-Nov-13 19:00:45

In what sense are you trapped in either your marriage or your relationship with Mr Bitontheside? hmm

DameDeepRedBetty Thu 21-Nov-13 19:03:29

You should be renting a flat for yourself, so you can be alone for a while and work out where to go forward.

He should be doing the same thing.

It's possible that in the future you may be together, but not until both you and he have removed yourselves properly and decently from your marriages, both physically and emotionally.

Very brave of you to post in AIBU!

WhoNickedMyName Thu 21-Nov-13 19:03:37

Clever guy.

At best you'll leave your husband and be tucked away in this flat at his beck and call as a convenient hole to stick his dick into when he feels like it.

At worst he's rented you both a shag-pad to conduct your affair.

Tell him you're desperately in love with him and you're going to leave your husband and tell his wife, and won't that be wonderful because then you can be together properly... and watch the colour drain from his face.

SomethingkindaOod Thu 21-Nov-13 19:06:08

So you leave your husband and move into this flat that the OM is renting for you. Then he gets fed up of you and wants someone else but keeping his wife in her place. You will be the one getting kicked out of the flat so he can move his next piece in.
Get your own place and cut contact. Deep down you must know it's the only sensible and decent thing to do.

findyourwayhome Thu 21-Nov-13 19:06:30

l have been with my husband since l was 16, l have never had a bank account until last year when l got up the courage to open one (still nothing in it though). My husband controls everything. My lover on the other hand is kind and thoughtful and generous, always. l hoped he might be my future, but maybe l am deluding myself. The more l think about it, the more l am convinced.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 21-Nov-13 19:06:41

At worst he's rented you both a shag-pad to conduct your affair.

No, Who at worst this will leave her homeless if she doesn't want to fuck him or he finds someone else to fuck. sad

MistAllChuckingFrighty Thu 21-Nov-13 19:07:06

have you posted before (repeatedly) under another name ?

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