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to stop in-laws visiting?

(27 Posts)
millskii Thu 21-Nov-13 16:34:23

I'm currently pregnant with baby #2. My in laws live far away and have to fly to come and visit (45 min flight). When DS was born, they came when he was a week old and stayed for almost 3 weeks. I found them staying so close to his arrival a massive strain and feel it affected our bond in those early weeks. MIL is a nanny and total know it all which didn't help my confidence. They visit around every 4-5 months now to see DS, and as we have gotten older and more independent, they have become more and more undermining (we were quite young having DS and I think they are struggling with empty nest syndrome!)

I have been clear from the start with OH that when #2 arrives, I do not want visitors staying for any long length of time, as it is important for us to find our feet as a family of 4 before we have any more disruption. I gave a ball park figure of at least 2-3 weeks. Visitors coming for an hour or two - fine, but weeks at a time is too much for me. OH totally agree's with me on this but finds it hard to communicate with his parents - he of course doesn't want to cause upset.

In laws don't seem to realise how much of a burden they are when they stay. They see themselves as a massive 'help' but in reality it just puts pressure on me to have my stuff together 24/7, and with a newborn + toddler this is going to be almost impossible!

AIBU to request that they leave it a few weeks before coming to visit when #2 arrives? Is it totally harsh of me? I don't want to fall out with them over it, but I feel I should put myself (and my children) first in this situation..

Ledkr Thu 21-Nov-13 20:10:09

We had similar and it has unfortunately affected the way I feel about my pil (mostly mil as I cannot believe a fellow female acted so selfishly)
We wish that we had been far more assertive and left no room for manipulation.
I ended up with my first night home as a nightmare for all of us and pnd which I'm sure was partly due to being so upset and anxious at what should have been a happy time.
No room here for pussyfooting around, say it, get it out there and fine bend at all. Too much at stake.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO Thu 21-Nov-13 20:15:23

same here ledkr, I was upset, crying, ill, anxious, upset and totally distraught..and yet...I just had an amazing dream come true...

can anyone afford to let other people ruin this precious moment.

We didnt even tell ours about the second....they found out and stil managed to inflict some if not telling them i was even pregant wasnt enough of a HINT to bugger off....HOWEVER

Op it was calm, smooth, wonderful, I was wonderful, everything was calm and wonderful!

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