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to spend £35 on extras when we are trying to save money/pay off debt

(31 Posts)
lifecolour Thu 21-Nov-13 00:10:17

So far this month I have spent about £35 this does not include food or groceries. I spent £10 on a present for a close friend, £10 taking dd on an outing the rest was on bits and pieces like snacks when out, a cake for friends at work etc. We are trying to be very careful with money and save up for Christmas and pay off debts, but i find it hard to not spend anything. The £15 i spent on random bits just disappeared so easily.
My dh thinks we should only buy what is on the shopping list when we do the main shop and maybe take dd on outings/buy presents but definately no cake for work etc. Then he thinks we can go shopping in town say twice a month and buy anything we need plus maybe have lunch and this way we should stay in budget. I do think this sounds R but i find it very hard to stick to. I like popping in the local shop sometimes just to get out of the house. Also i guess this is not my plan and although i did agree to it, i don't like being told what to do.
We had a bit of a row about this earlier as you may have guessed but aibu and if i am how do i stick to a lower spend limit.

DIYapprentice Thu 21-Nov-13 14:31:14

Why should you have to spend just YOUR money on your DD for treats? Isn't she both yours and his???!!!

It sounds as if you are home far more than he is, looking after DD. If that is the case, then lets face it, it will cost more money. Each and every playgroup will cost a few £. A walk ending up at the coffee shop will cost a few £. At work you make a coffee for free, and I know you can at home too but you can't stay at home by yourself all day.

£35 a MONTH isn't really that much. It's less than £10 a week.

Buying a cake for work was probably the one thing that could be done cheaper, by making your own.

(I have a dead easy carrot cake recipe that tastes absolutely delicious if you want!!)

lifecolour Thu 21-Nov-13 14:20:52

I am thinking of saying I would like £20 a month spending money for myself from which I will buy anything I need and bits for dd if i take her out somewhere cheap as suggested. Her clothes and anything she really needs will come out of joint money and if we can afford it any more paid for outings. Dh can then decide if he wants a set amount of spending money too or carry on as he is. If i am careful and don't spend the money i can always save it toward any bigger item I might need in future. In this way maybe it will help encourage me not to waste money on snacks or whatever.

lifecolour Thu 21-Nov-13 11:19:03

Yes I think he does think that way Chaz he is always working out how long it takes to earn x.

I think you should have something in the budget for taking your DD during the month. I usually take snacks with me when we go out. I would cut back a bit on Christmas too, we are in comfortable financial position but I probably wouldn't spend £100 on each of my children (I have 2).

Credit card debt is really expensive so the sooner you can get rid of it the better.

I wonder if your DH thinks of that £35 in terms of hours of overtime worked i.e. you might have spent 4 hours overtime.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 21-Nov-13 10:23:14

It's irrelevant how much you spend on DD at Christmas (and some will say that's a ridiculous amount and she should be happy with a satsuma and others will say that's a tiny amount poor thing... grin).

The problem here isn't money - it's communication.

Bumblequeen Thu 21-Nov-13 10:22:17

It is hard being broke when at work. Currently on ML. The countless birthday cards circulated and birthday and Christmas lunches to attend.

It can be embarrassing when you are watching the pennies.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 21-Nov-13 10:21:08

I don't think £35 a month is much given your circumstances. However, I can see why your DH gets a bit annoyed if he is the one doing the overtime... but does he 'care' about the credit cards more than you do? I don't think either of you are right or wrong, I think you both just see things a bit differently and need to talk. You need to talk to him instead of 'agreeing' with him about how to handle it, then resenting him.

Bumblequeen Thu 21-Nov-13 10:17:17

As other posters have suggested, allow yourselves an equal amount of money each month to spend on whatever you please.

Dh and I do this. It is by no means a large amount of money but it is all mine.

lifecolour Thu 21-Nov-13 10:16:31

I'm sorry to say dd does know about Xmas! She is 8. We have spent about 100 on her in the past.

lifecolour Thu 21-Nov-13 10:14:47

Its hard for me to say how much dh spends as I hate the idea of checking up on what he spends, but I know he spends little on himself I think about £3 a week on newspaper a lottery ticket and maybe a chocolate bar or something. He sometimes buys a book or magazine if we go in town but not always.

specialsubject Thu 21-Nov-13 10:09:49

find something else to do when you want to get out of the house. A walk, a trip to the library, a hobby.

and if money is tight FORGET CHRISTMAS. You do not need sparkly tat. You do not need to spend a fortune on tat for everyone. Stop all presents for adults and if your child is young, a tenner will keep them happy. Or nothing, they don't really know about Xmas.

lifecolour Thu 21-Nov-13 10:07:06

Its our credit card we are trying to pay off we also have a car loan but that is budgeted for. The problem is we keep getting big bills, like for car repair and this means we are back to square one with the credit card debt.
Our income is about medium dh has ft job in a warehouse and I have pt job only 15 hrs I would like a bit more but this job is flexible hrs that fits in with dds school really well. Dh is doing an extra 12hrs a week overtime at the moment to try and get a bit more to pay off cards and he is finding it hard going.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 21-Nov-13 09:18:47

What sort of debt do you have?

redskyatnight Thu 21-Nov-13 09:02:54

Well if you are finding it hard to stick to, then you need to agree something different with DH that works with your budget. I'm not seeing anything in your post that suggests he won't be amenable to this. How much does he spend on "extras" in a month?

On the flip side, it doesn't sound like all your spends were really that essential - certainly could do a free or cheap trip out with DD (that she'd probably enjoyed as much), take snacks rather than buying (this sort of thing costs a fortune while out).

Have you looked at the DebtFree Wannabe section on MSE? Some good advice/ support on there?

lifecolour Thu 21-Nov-13 08:08:25

we are in a nice area for walks so that but dd is not a keen walker and doesn't like it if weather is bad etc. So this is more limited in winter. Other than that there are not that many free things to do round here.

hellokittymania Thu 21-Nov-13 07:33:42

In your area, are there fun things to do for free? Also are ther any charity coffee mornings? I walked into Barclays one morning and you could have coffee and muffins if you gave a pound.
Don't take a lot of money if you go out.

CrohnicallyTired Thu 21-Nov-13 07:13:42

Spends on DD, it varies, if we're out and I spot something and buy it on the spur of the moment, that's my choice and it comes out of my money. If we go out on an actual outing, or she actually needs something like shoes, that's a joint expense.

CrohnicallyTired Thu 21-Nov-13 07:12:13

DH and I take out x amount of money in cash at the start of the month. It varies according to what bills we have to pay, how much DH has been paid, but we agree a figure and both get the same. That is ours to spend as we wish, but when it's gone, it's gone. If we buy anything like a takeaway, we pay half each. If we go out for the day, Dd gets a packed lunch (she's only 1) and I buy a meal deal from somewhere and we eat on a bench- cost £3-4 instead of £20.

tanukiton Thu 21-Nov-13 05:34:06

agree with bogeyface. Split it but take into account spends on your dd.

Bogeyface Thu 21-Nov-13 00:54:16

Sorry "but he doesnt!" was in response to you saying that he spends £3 a week on himself.

Bogeyface Thu 21-Nov-13 00:53:22

But he doesnt!

He "suggests" that you spend money on lunches etc and because you say yes, that counts as joint spends, except it isnt because if he didnt suggest it then you wouldnt either!

He makes it out that you are spending your money and that you are spending his money! In fact, he is spending more money than you but he is just clever at making you feel bad about spending anything

lifecolour Thu 21-Nov-13 00:49:54

I have thought about this bogeyface but I don't want to get moaned at for going over my limit. Dh is good at low spends he probably spends £3 a week on himself.

Bogeyface Thu 21-Nov-13 00:34:12

You could also save the lunch out money, but you dont because he wants to have lunch out and he can justify it in his head. That isnt fair.

Bogeyface Thu 21-Nov-13 00:33:23

I would say again that you need to agree equal personal money. Even if it is £10 a month, it should be money that neither of you needs to justify spending. Agree an amount that will pay off the debts, an amount for savings and an amount for you each to do what you want with.

lifecolour Thu 21-Nov-13 00:28:39

In one way we can afford £35 but at the same time this is money that could be saved or used to pay off debts. We do try to allow a little money for a few fun things while we are saving but obviously we could save more if we didn't.

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