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To pursue this complaint with the school?

(44 Posts)
molmurpha Mon 18-Nov-13 11:05:40

My 9 year old DD goes to our local school, which, up until now, I've been extremely happy with. My older child went there and I have a younger child at the school too.

DD is a very well behaved girl. Parents' evening reports are always glowing. She's very mature for her age, well behaved at home 99% of the time, and very sensible. She likes to do the right thing, and takes school and learning very seriously.

On Friday she came out of school in tears. When she got into school on Friday morning someone had written DD's name on the back of DD's chair in marker pen. DD told the teacher that the writing was there and the teacher decided that DD had done it herself. DD told the teacher that she hadn't done it but the teacher said she didn't believe her. DD said she then started to cry, and her teacher said it was a sign of guilt and that she must have done it.

DD says that she then got told off about it in the afternoon again, and was made to clean it off her chair, in front of the whole class, which DD found humiliating.

I went to see her teacher after she came out of school in tears and the teacher said it must have been DD because it said DD's name. I asked if it looked like DD's writing and the teacher said she 'didn't know because the writing was in marker pen on the back of a chair so it could have been anyone's'. She agreed that it wasn't the sort of thing DD would do but that as it was her chair and said DD's name she had had no choice but to blame her. I feel as though she's gone for the easy option tbh, and I pointed out to her that obviously if a child is defacing something they are not going to write their own name on it.

I'm not happy with the teacher's attitude at all about it really. She more or less said they didn't know and couldn't prove who did do it but DD would have to take responsibility as it was her chair. DD has been very upset about it all weekend. She has an unblemished school record and is always known throughout school for being sensible, helpful and friendly. She wants to go for house captain in year 6 but to do this you have to have a good record of behaviour at school, and she is worried that this will affect that. Also, all of her classmates think she must have done it as she had to clean it off!

I have phoned the school and asked to speak to the headteacher this morning but as yet haven't been called back. I want to clear DD's name and want them to a) at least try to find out who did to it and b) acknowledge that DD didn't do it and that she wasn't lying.

Am I expecting too much? I am normally very easy going about school but I feel I need to pursue this as it just isn't fair on DD.

Shallistopnow Mon 18-Nov-13 11:52:08

Grr! soverylucky

Shonajoy Mon 18-Nov-13 12:48:12

I'd go into the school too, that's not fair.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Mon 18-Nov-13 13:20:26

Omg, how daft. And how frustrating. If your DD did it in class, surely she'd have to come out of her chair?

RedHelenB Mon 18-Nov-13 13:37:23

-Well, we had a child at one school we taught at that we would never have believed could write on walls & certainly wasn't on the suspect list! Yes it's awful to be wrongly blamed but it is also quite unlikely someone would write someone else's name too.

QueenArseClangers Mon 18-Nov-13 13:42:07

When I was in Junior school.I was hauled up in front of the class accused of writing my name on the wall. It was only when I pointed out the fact that whoever did it (not me) incorrectly spelt it that I was let off.
The girl who wrote the grafitti was not only a bully but rather thick too.

molmurpha Mon 18-Nov-13 14:22:43

Well, I've spoken to the headteacher who wasn't terribly understanding or supportive and was a bit put out that I wanted anything else done. He said as far as he was concerned the teacher didn't think it was a big deal at all. I said that in my eyes it is a big deal if my daughter has been reduced to tears at school and accused of something that she is adamant she did not do.

He's going to speak to the class teacher and ask her if she'd mind having a word with DD and listening to DD's side of the story.

I guess I'll have to leave it at that as it's not really worth pursuing any further. At least I've made my point and, as some of you have said on here, I've shown my DD that I will defend her and that I trust and believe her.

TiggyD Mon 18-Nov-13 14:32:22

Get a spray can and write the teacher's name on her car. She'll have to admit she did it herself as it's her name.

A teacher should know that you can't always win in a 'finding out the truth' situation. She handled it wrongly.

Ev1lEdna Mon 18-Nov-13 14:37:25

I think this was very badly handled by the teacher. The idea that she did it because it is her name is silly and not worthy of a teacher who has worked with children for a while.

I'm not sure you are going to get much joy with this but I do think you are right to speak with the Head. I would do the same in your position.

Ev1lEdna Mon 18-Nov-13 14:38:16

Get a spray can and write the teacher's name on her car. She'll have to admit she did it herself as it's her name.

That made me laugh

TheRobberBride Mon 18-Nov-13 14:38:48

I think you have done the right thing OP.

You're DD was treated very unfairly.

Even if the teacher doesn't apologise, at least your DD knows that you will fight her corner if need be.

Mellowandfruitful Mon 18-Nov-13 18:21:17

Go back to the head and say you want you, the teacher, your DD and him to meet and discuss it calmly and rationally.

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 18-Nov-13 18:32:36

"Get a spray can and write the teacher's name on her car. She'll have to admit she did it herself as it's her name."

Quite clearly, this is the only way to respond.

Idespair Mon 18-Nov-13 18:33:33

What a disgrace. It's not unlikely that a child would write someone else's name, it is very probable. It would be completely stupid to write your own name! It was clearly done to get her into trouble and the school has allowed the culprit to get away with it. Why don't you ask the teacher what she thinks the culprit will try next, as this stunt was so easy to get away with.

bundaberg Mon 18-Nov-13 18:35:35

hahaha @ spraypainting the teachers name on her car grin

did she have a chat with dd today?

ReluctantBeing Mon 18-Nov-13 18:38:01

Whilst I do think this needs to be looked into, you would be surprised at the amount of kids that write their own name on stuff.

takeitonthegin Mon 18-Nov-13 18:54:36

Love the idea of spraypainting the car! grin grin grin

Hope today was a little bit better for your DD. For what it's worth I think you handled this correctly.

VerySmallSqueak Mon 18-Nov-13 19:01:32

TiggyD you get my vote.

breatheslowly Mon 18-Nov-13 19:01:36

I hope the teacher has done something to make amends.

I remember writing my DB's name on something of my Dad's to get him into trouble. I did admit it when my Dad started to tell my DB off as I was surprised that my Dad thought my DB stupid enough to have done it himself.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Mon 18-Nov-13 19:03:23

YANBU and the teacher was out of order. However when you said your dd had been upset all weekend, this really reminded me if myself at that age. Things like that would really upset me and for a long time. I wonder if you can help her to be a bit less sensitive about things like this? I hope I don't sound like I'm planning any blame on you or her- it's just that my school days became much easier when I realised that it's easier to feel angry and then forget it than feel upset for days and days. Obviously there are plenty of things which you shouldn't let go but even then- it would be better if she felt a bit cross and thought the teacher was being silly than felt really really upset.
Back on the topic though, yanbu to follow it up if that's what you want to do. The teacher was really unfair. As a lovely hard-working girl, things will sometimes be unfair for your dd because some teachers might just assume that all children are naughty like the ones who take up so much more of their time. That teacher probably had no idea that your dd would feel so upset by it because some kids wouldn't care. So it's worth making clear that her treatment if your dd was totally unfair and she should avoid making assumptions based on a class as a group and actually think about the personality of the individual in question.

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