Advanced search be slightly repulsed by DP?

(85 Posts)
stinkingbishop Mon 18-Nov-13 09:25:51

OK, I laughed this off at first. And I am TRYING to be understanding. But it's actually getting seriously impactful now.

DP, about 6 months ago, developed this really weird habit. I had thought it was just because he had a cold. He basically grunts really loudly (I mean REALLY loudly) and hoiks up all the phlegm in his mouth, and then gobs it all (even more loudly) in the nearest receptacle. Repeatedly.

He does it in earshot of guests (though, tellingly, not his DPs). In front of the twins (so they have started copying the noise, which he just finds amusing). He does it A LOT first thing in the morning during his ablutions. And - which is where it's impacting - last thing at night. I'm trying soooo hard to ignore it, but it doesn't make for a Barry White moment. It's actually making my skin crawl and my teeth shiver and it's REALLY REALLY hard to fancy him and leap into his arms when he comes to bed.

Once, in his sleep, he even did it on my head. I jest not. That was a new low...

I've tried mentioning it in a non-naggy way only to be dismissed. I once even read out an article about things we find disgusting and why, which included chesty things like this, because at a subconscious level we see it as a sign of illness and therefore find it physically repellent because we don't want to be infected.

Do you think he IS ill? Do normal people have that amount of phlegm/catarrh? He doesn't have a cough/wheeze. He IS overweight (which doesn't help either, and he also SNORES like a particularly choked up walrus).

How can I make him aware of it? A bit more discreet? Just to TONE IT DOWN A BIT? I really don't want to be whingey, because I'm not like that at all, and I'm sure I have my own irritating habits. But he genuinely would get more action if he could just STOP BEING SO DISGUSTING!

Suggestions ladies please. Has anyone else had this or similar? How did you gently get them to desist?

TheCrumpetQueen Mon 18-Nov-13 10:47:45

Get a long stick, and everytime he does it whack him then he will associate it with something unpleasant.

Lancelottie Mon 18-Nov-13 10:49:31

Now, anyone got any cures for permanently farty DH? Or are charcoal knickers the only option?

(yes he's seen the GP, repeatedly, for gastro-y things but I just bet he's never mentioned this aspect.)

MrsCakesPremonition Mon 18-Nov-13 10:50:36

Film him doing it then show him the film. Ask him if he really wants that to be the abiding image everyone has of him.

roguepixie Mon 18-Nov-13 10:51:11

That is seriously disgusting. The fact is you find it repellent and don't want him to do it and he is dismissive.

Tell him to stop. It's disgusting. He is gobbing in sinks, FFS!!! And on the pavement...absolutely foul behaviour.

Be firm. Unless he has some serious lung condition or medical reason for it then he needs to stop it now.

TheCrumpetQueen Mon 18-Nov-13 10:51:17

Might be dairy intolerance Lancelottie

stinkingbishop Mon 18-Nov-13 10:51:42

thecrumpetqueen grin

I think the question - would he like me doing it - is a jolly good one.

Right. I will have The Conversation tonight. And then just to start on my DM picking wax out of her ear with a kerby grip and FLICKING IT ON MY FLOOR. I am surrounded by pigs. Actually, that's unkind to pigs...

Lancelottie Mon 18-Nov-13 10:55:48

Really, Crumpet? He keeps swigging milk to ease heartburn (not sure it's more medically effective than, say, the super-strength ranitidine and rabeprazole that he's meant to be taking) so it'd be interesting if that's what is aggravating everything!

Thanks -- and apols for the hijack, StinkingB

Shallistopnow Mon 18-Nov-13 11:11:25

Does he smoke?

If he started jogging or running that may help as he'd get a load up in one go then if he kept doing it the rest of the time you could start hitting him with a stick.

stinkingbishop Mon 18-Nov-13 11:34:43

He's an occasional social smoker (ie nabs them off me if we're out for dinner, but maybe max 5 fags a week). He does jog at the weekends, actually. And I get treated to the resulting massive gob when he collapses back in!!!

I am wondering if it's allergies you know. We moved into an old house a year ago, so there's probably loads of things lurking. I'm not sure it can be food though as it's only been 6 months, and our diet hasn't changed?

SplitHeadGirl Mon 18-Nov-13 11:37:05

He sounds like a guy I used to work with. He drank a bit too much so had problems with his stomach, and smoked a lot which meant he was always phlegmy and spitting and gobbing in the alley beside work. It was revolting. We worked next door to a restaurant and customers actually complained about him and the noise he was making.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Mon 18-Nov-13 11:41:30

This so reminds me of the poo crumbs thread. smile

Sorry OP, I'm with the big stick idea suggested upthread.

DropYourSword Mon 18-Nov-13 11:45:16

It could also be something called post nasal drip. I suffer from this and it feels like I'm permanently drowning in my throat. Doctors so far have been very little help. And on occasion I DO have to do the horrible grunty snorty thing to be able to talk or breathe. But in the bathroom. And I cringe constantly and apologize to understanding DH blush

stinkingbishop Mon 18-Nov-13 12:02:53

I am soooo going to search for the poo crumbs thread wink

valiumredhead Mon 18-Nov-13 12:03:11

Was the poo crumbs thread the one where a poor soul wasn't sure if her dp picking his arse in the bath while she was also in it was acceptable? I often wonder if she managed to LTB.

OP I cannot believe you have managed to keep quiet this farshock honestly if Dh did that in this house I wouldn't have to say anything as ds would react for me he'd be so disgusted!!

ThisIsBULLSHIT Mon 18-Nov-13 12:08:26

Oh YUK! In a bin?!?!? In the SINK?!?!?

Fucking hell. That is so gross I can't find a word for it.

Can you do some equally repellant thing back every time he does it? That would be my way of dealing with it! Can't really think of anything grosser at the mo. <thinking hat>

ThisIsBULLSHIT Mon 18-Nov-13 12:10:01

Actually I can but they are too disgusting. grin.
My dd once picked a massive bogey out of her nose, which DH absolutely hates, so we put it in a little ring box for him and she presented it to him that evening. I still laugh at the 'bogey in a box' incident now!!!!

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Mon 18-Nov-13 12:13:20


In a 'which one of these would you like least' situation, I'd have to think very hard.

Longtalljosie Mon 18-Nov-13 12:20:41

And the words "please stop doing that, it's absolutely disgusting" have never passed your lips?

steppemum Mon 18-Nov-13 12:35:30

I have just clicked poo crumbs

I now think I have to go and give my dh a kiss as he is obviously a hygienic angel grin

YouTheCat Mon 18-Nov-13 12:36:55

He does it out of the car window? Vile and worse than spitting imo. Spreading his phlegm.

How would he like it if someone did that and it went in his face?

stinkingbishop Mon 18-Nov-13 13:12:28

Yes longtall have tried:

1. Straight, eugh, that's disgusting, can you stop please?
2. Is there any way of doing it more quietly please?
3. Here is scientific evidence as to why it makes people's skin crawl
4. Coughing loudly in bed when I can hear him doing it
5. Exclaiming 'oh goooodddd' and theatrically covering my face with a pillow
6. Asking whether he does it at work (answer, alarmingly, is yes, but it is a prehistoric office where there is only one woman there and a load of middle aged men)

When he deigns to respond it's with 'I can't help it, have some sympathy woman'...

stinkingbishop Mon 18-Nov-13 13:13:44

PS have just read poo crumbs. I think this is marginally less yuk. In the same way being killed by lightning is probably marginally less painful than being killed by a T Rex...

RevelsRoulette Mon 18-Nov-13 13:21:44

I am retching just reading this. I truly believe that I would vomit if forced to live with it.

Get angry! He is revolting.

He most certainly can help it. He can carry tissues. He can blow his nose. He can go to see a doctor. If he smokes, he can stop. He can respect the fact that it is a revolting thing to be forced to witness and he can leave the room to do it!

When you said that he spits it into the nearest receptacle, I had visions of him spitting into empty cups, flower pots etc and I thought that is so disgusting that there must actually be something seriously wrong with his thought processes for him to not realise it! grin

FracturedViewOfLife Mon 18-Nov-13 13:42:20

Eurgh. I hate it when you hear someone doing this. It is making me gag just reading it.

Tell him to get his arse to the doctor if he feels it is out of his control. He can help it.


lottiegarbanzo Mon 18-Nov-13 13:48:15

Well I wouldn't be able to help puking on his shoes, or excluding him from normal human (I don't even need to go so far as polite) company. Where is his sympathy for um, anyone?

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