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whos being unreasonable friends

(65 Posts)
nohopeland Sun 17-Nov-13 22:38:40

I have 2 best friends, 1 with 2 boys and a male gay friend.
The male friend has a long term boyfriend who we have all become friends with and my own children know him as x boyfriend it has never been an issue.

Today I found outt when they go round our other friends house who has 2 sons they are not a couple and not known as a couple due to her thinking her son's are to young to be exposed to life issues like homosexuals.
AIBU to be a bit confused by this.

cashmiriana Mon 18-Nov-13 11:04:07

Children don't complicate things. Adults do. My DH has been to 2 civil partnerships recently (colleagues) and the DC talk openly about Dad going to see Bill marrying Bob or Katie marrying Sarah.

I was slightly worried recently that maybe DD2 was picking up homophobic attitudes recently when she suddenly said "My friend J has got two mums. Like two mums who live together, not a mum and a step mum." However her next sentence was "And they're both really cool and let him have lots of pets." Big sigh. "J's really really lucky."

I reckon she has her priorities sorted. (And no, she can't have any pets.)

Quoteunquote Mon 18-Nov-13 11:00:30

My children have always known our gay friends are gay, they have never questioned it, in their lives some people are with the opposite sex, some are with the same sex, it is just normal.

I would of thought pretending would just lead to more questions, "Why hasen't Dan got a girlfriend, why does John share Dan bed?", "Why Kate kissing Sarah?"

Children are experts in human behaviour, they lean by studing adults, so any astute child will soon suss there is something to focus on,

Children always know when truths are being concealed, they just don't know what to do about it, so it makes them uncomfortable.

As for making your friends conceal a part of their lives, because you haven't address your own issues, that is totally vile , what good friends they must be to go along with her nasty behaviour, but it is a really unhealthy thing to do for everyone involved.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 18-Nov-13 10:43:24

OP, your friend IBU. Homosexuality isn't a complex issue and as most children would like to marry their best friend anyway the idea of love between same sex couples makes perfect sense to them.

noblegiraffe Mon 18-Nov-13 10:32:49

10 years today since the repeal of section 28. And yet some people still act like acknowledging gay relationships as equal to heterosexual ones is wrong.

Fleta Mon 18-Nov-13 09:09:34

"life issues like homosexuals" - what an utter twat.

I would have thought just acting like the normal situation it is would be fully sufficient for a small child. It is only complicated by adults and their ridiculous prejudice

Mondayschild78 Mon 18-Nov-13 08:58:36

I also don't get the age appropriate explaining. My son is 2 and already understands there is a relationship/link between (my best friend) Aunty x and her civil partner Aunty y and he absolutely adores them. As he is growing up with things just as they are I do not feel the need to 'explain' anything to him as its a non-issue.

When things are 'hidden' they become a perceived issue IMO.

LookingThroughTheFog Mon 18-Nov-13 08:22:21

For heaven's sake. 'Some men love women, and some love men. Some women love men, and some love women. At the end of the day, you fall in love with who you fall in love with.'

It's really not a complex issue.

Where it gets complex is when you have to explain that some people out there don't think you should be allowed to fall in love with who you fall in love with. You should only be allowed to fall in love with people of the opposite sex, because they say so.

My kids have known this for years now. They think that other people deciding who you fall in love with is plain silly.

echt Mon 18-Nov-13 08:12:22

I'm amazed your friend can consider herself a friend to the gay couple.

Unless, of course she explains ALL her friends' relationships by telling her children who puts what into which hole. Or not. Even then. At least she'd be consistent.


CanucksoontobeinLondon Mon 18-Nov-13 04:06:36

Your friend is being massively unreasonable, as all the other posters have said.

My BIL is gay and in a civil partnership, and my kids (8 and 4) have always taken in in stride. It only has to be a complex issue if adults make it one. Your friend is (consciously or otherwise) teaching her kids that homosexuality is something that should be hidden and shameful. I'm amazed that your friends (the gay couple, i mean) put up with it.

bragmatic Mon 18-Nov-13 03:35:00

Is isn't a complex issue. Adults make it one.

Mystuff Mon 18-Nov-13 02:47:21

Xpost we are eternal!
I couldn't agree more. People who think this needs explaining in an age appropriate way need to accept and deal with their own homophobia. When do they explain straight love in an age appropriate way?

Mystuff Mon 18-Nov-13 02:41:59

I think this is deeply homophobic. To hide this from dc is at root saying it is abnormal and something that should be hidden.

We have lots of gay friends and have never hidden anything from our dc. They have known from the youngest age that you love who you love and can marry same sex or opposite sex. Our gay friends openly show affection to each other just as we do, it is all the same. Unless deep down you think it isn't....

WeAreEternal Mon 18-Nov-13 02:40:05

I genuinely don't understand how some people can see this as an issue or something that needs explaining.

Some people love members of the opposite sex and some the same sex, in the same way that some people have blonde hair and some have brown, I don't feel that it is something that needs to be explained to a child in an age appropriate way or otherwise. It is a simple fact of life that children should just know.

Thatisall Mon 18-Nov-13 02:24:45

Argh the very fact thatcher has friends who are gay is the perfect opportunity to introduce her ds to acceptance and different kinds of action ships from a very early age.
What a numpty she sounds

Mitchell2 Mon 18-Nov-13 00:34:44

Your friend doesn't sound like a very good friend to your friend and his partner. Like others have said, surprised that he puts up with that!

I mean if you put it the other was and the guys had a kid and they asked her to pretend she wasn't in a relationship with her man what an uproar there would be from her.

She needs to start living in the real world and I feel sorry for her poor kids

FortyDoorsToNowhere Mon 18-Nov-13 00:10:01

My son came home from school about a year ago saying that so gay mum.

I explained gay meant 2 men or 2 women love each other like mummy and daddy does. I also told him you can't help who you fall in love with.

No need to make sexuality into a taboo subject to children.

BasilBabyEater Mon 18-Nov-13 00:08:52

" tbh I think most young children are surprised that the world expects M-F relationships. They have to be taught to be prejudiced."

This. OP your friend sounds like an asshat

Floralnomad Mon 18-Nov-13 00:01:39

foreverondiet your dd is 10 and you would say about buying 'seeds from a man ' ,which century are you living in

Goldmandra Sun 17-Nov-13 23:54:35

They have to be taught to be prejudiced.

Exactly. This is what the OP's friend is doing.

If it's just an unremarkable fact the children won't give it more than a moment's thought. They will them assimilate the information into their understanding of adult relationships and grow up fully accepting it.

Greythorne Sun 17-Nov-13 23:34:16

In what way is it complex?

StrawberryGashes Sun 17-Nov-13 23:28:05

She's being ridiculous, my cousin and her wife just adopted a child and my children didn't ask any questions (I was expecting at least a couple), they just accepted that aunty x and aunty y are now parents and they have a new cousin. Not traumatised in the least, and my oldest is 7.

WannabeFayeMouse Sun 17-Nov-13 23:10:52

tbh I think most young children are surprised that the world expects M-F relationships. They have to be taught to be prejudiced.

exexpat Sun 17-Nov-13 23:10:08

A few years ago the (male) deputy head of the primary school my children used to go to got hitched (in a civil partnership ceremony) to another male member of staff. It was announced in the school newsletter, with congratulations all round.

As far as I know none of the children (aged 4-11) were traumatised - mine were just, oh, OK then. I think DD may have asked if one of them was going to change name (her form teacher had got married a few months earlier and had changed name).

It's only an issue if the parent makes it an issue. If I were your gay friend, I wouldn't feel comfortable visiting someone who obviously has issues with gay people.

WhereIsMyHat Sun 17-Nov-13 23:10:08


pleased they could as he could marry one of his friends. I don't think it needs to be said, just like other posters have said 'oh Michael and his boyfriend/ husband' are coming around.

I did have to explain that my sons couldn't marry me when they're older trying to explain that one was fun.

SPsDoesntLikeChaffingFishnets Sun 17-Nov-13 23:09:49

My son also knows that he may marry buildings and objects or he so wishes after he was eaves dropping

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