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whos being unreasonable ..gay friends

(65 Posts)
nohopeland Sun 17-Nov-13 22:38:40

I have 2 best friends, 1 with 2 boys and a male gay friend.
The male friend has a long term boyfriend who we have all become friends with and my own children know him as x boyfriend it has never been an issue.

Today I found outt when they go round our other friends house who has 2 sons they are not a couple and not known as a couple due to her thinking her son's are to young to be exposed to life issues like homosexuals.
AIBU to be a bit confused by this.

Mitchell2 Mon 18-Nov-13 00:34:44

Your friend doesn't sound like a very good friend to your friend and his partner. Like others have said, surprised that he puts up with that!

I mean if you put it the other was and the guys had a kid and they asked her to pretend she wasn't in a relationship with her man what an uproar there would be from her.

She needs to start living in the real world and I feel sorry for her poor kids

Thatisall Mon 18-Nov-13 02:24:45

Argh the very fact thatcher has friends who are gay is the perfect opportunity to introduce her ds to acceptance and different kinds of action ships from a very early age.
What a numpty she sounds

WeAreEternal Mon 18-Nov-13 02:40:05

I genuinely don't understand how some people can see this as an issue or something that needs explaining.

Some people love members of the opposite sex and some the same sex, in the same way that some people have blonde hair and some have brown, I don't feel that it is something that needs to be explained to a child in an age appropriate way or otherwise. It is a simple fact of life that children should just know.

Mystuff Mon 18-Nov-13 02:41:59

I think this is deeply homophobic. To hide this from dc is at root saying it is abnormal and something that should be hidden.

We have lots of gay friends and have never hidden anything from our dc. They have known from the youngest age that you love who you love and can marry same sex or opposite sex. Our gay friends openly show affection to each other just as we do, it is all the same. Unless deep down you think it isn't....

Mystuff Mon 18-Nov-13 02:47:21

Xpost we are eternal!
I couldn't agree more. People who think this needs explaining in an age appropriate way need to accept and deal with their own homophobia. When do they explain straight love in an age appropriate way?

bragmatic Mon 18-Nov-13 03:35:00

Is isn't a complex issue. Adults make it one.

CanucksoontobeinLondon Mon 18-Nov-13 04:06:36

Your friend is being massively unreasonable, as all the other posters have said.

My BIL is gay and in a civil partnership, and my kids (8 and 4) have always taken in in stride. It only has to be a complex issue if adults make it one. Your friend is (consciously or otherwise) teaching her kids that homosexuality is something that should be hidden and shameful. I'm amazed that your friends (the gay couple, i mean) put up with it.

echt Mon 18-Nov-13 08:12:22

I'm amazed your friend can consider herself a friend to the gay couple.

Unless, of course she explains ALL her friends' relationships by telling her children who puts what into which hole. Or not. Even then. At least she'd be consistent.


LookingThroughTheFog Mon 18-Nov-13 08:22:21

For heaven's sake. 'Some men love women, and some love men. Some women love men, and some love women. At the end of the day, you fall in love with who you fall in love with.'

It's really not a complex issue.

Where it gets complex is when you have to explain that some people out there don't think you should be allowed to fall in love with who you fall in love with. You should only be allowed to fall in love with people of the opposite sex, because they say so.

My kids have known this for years now. They think that other people deciding who you fall in love with is plain silly.

Mondayschild78 Mon 18-Nov-13 08:58:36

I also don't get the age appropriate explaining. My son is 2 and already understands there is a relationship/link between (my best friend) Aunty x and her civil partner Aunty y and he absolutely adores them. As he is growing up with things just as they are I do not feel the need to 'explain' anything to him as its a non-issue.

When things are 'hidden' they become a perceived issue IMO.

Fleta Mon 18-Nov-13 09:09:34

"life issues like homosexuals" - what an utter twat.

I would have thought just acting like the normal situation it is would be fully sufficient for a small child. It is only complicated by adults and their ridiculous prejudice

noblegiraffe Mon 18-Nov-13 10:32:49

10 years today since the repeal of section 28. And yet some people still act like acknowledging gay relationships as equal to heterosexual ones is wrong.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 18-Nov-13 10:43:24

OP, your friend IBU. Homosexuality isn't a complex issue and as most children would like to marry their best friend anyway the idea of love between same sex couples makes perfect sense to them.

Quoteunquote Mon 18-Nov-13 11:00:30

My children have always known our gay friends are gay, they have never questioned it, in their lives some people are with the opposite sex, some are with the same sex, it is just normal.

I would of thought pretending would just lead to more questions, "Why hasen't Dan got a girlfriend, why does John share Dan bed?", "Why Kate kissing Sarah?"

Children are experts in human behaviour, they lean by studing adults, so any astute child will soon suss there is something to focus on,

Children always know when truths are being concealed, they just don't know what to do about it, so it makes them uncomfortable.

As for making your friends conceal a part of their lives, because you haven't address your own issues, that is totally vile , what good friends they must be to go along with her nasty behaviour, but it is a really unhealthy thing to do for everyone involved.

cashmiriana Mon 18-Nov-13 11:04:07

Children don't complicate things. Adults do. My DH has been to 2 civil partnerships recently (colleagues) and the DC talk openly about Dad going to see Bill marrying Bob or Katie marrying Sarah.

I was slightly worried recently that maybe DD2 was picking up homophobic attitudes recently when she suddenly said "My friend J has got two mums. Like two mums who live together, not a mum and a step mum." However her next sentence was "And they're both really cool and let him have lots of pets." Big sigh. "J's really really lucky."

I reckon she has her priorities sorted. (And no, she can't have any pets.)

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