Advanced search

whos being unreasonable friends

(65 Posts)
nohopeland Sun 17-Nov-13 22:38:40

I have 2 best friends, 1 with 2 boys and a male gay friend.
The male friend has a long term boyfriend who we have all become friends with and my own children know him as x boyfriend it has never been an issue.

Today I found outt when they go round our other friends house who has 2 sons they are not a couple and not known as a couple due to her thinking her son's are to young to be exposed to life issues like homosexuals.
AIBU to be a bit confused by this.

Jjuice Sun 17-Nov-13 22:57:49

I have a few gay friends they come round as couples my kids love them. Age is irrelevant. Your friend is being weird. My parents had gay friends I never noticed the difference between straight friends. I think it helps you to grow up without prejudice

nohopeland Sun 17-Nov-13 22:58:49

My youngest son married a boy at playtime last week lol and my daughter who is 4 came home to tell me she was having a baby because her and her boyfriend held hands ... My kids r obviously v Catholic lol

Kewcumber Sun 17-Nov-13 22:58:58

it is a fairly complex issue for young children to understand - DS who is 7 doesn't seem confused - "would you like a boyfriend or a girlfriend Mum?"

SkinnybitchWannabe Sun 17-Nov-13 22:59:02

Sorry I dont remember saying I dont think its acceptable for them to know at their ages.
Its a subject that has never come up, just like my other db being straight has never come up.
They know plenty of gay people and as its my db business who knows. If he wanted them to know Id tell them. Wouldnt bother me at all.
Yes SPsDoesnt what Im trying to say.

noseymcposey Sun 17-Nov-13 23:00:33

surely you just say it how it is from the start? Or it's obvious? DS's godmother is gay and I would just say that auntie X is auntie Y's girlfriend. Like Mummy and Daddy are but two ladies. Or whatever. DS is 2.5 at the moment so not relevant but I don't think it's something that is a secret that needs a big reveal when they are of a certain age!

borninastorm Sun 17-Nov-13 23:00:37

My db is gay and lives with his longterm partner.
I've never had to tell any of my 3 kids that their uncles are in a gay relationship. They've just always known it and they're absolutely fine about it.
To them their Uncles are just a normal couple having a normal relationship.
They're also very tolerant children (well one's an adult now) who don't understand why anybody would discriminate against anybody else for their life choices, lifestyle, culture, race or anything else.

ocelot41 Sun 17-Nov-13 23:01:54

My DS (who is 3) has already asked if he can marry his best (male) friend from nursery. I said if they still felt the same way about each other when they were older, of course they could. I am not taking that as a binding statement of intent at 3 but my point is, kids don't care, its adults who have the problem.

crispsanddips Sun 17-Nov-13 23:02:41

I am also stunned that anyone would think it is a complex issue. Neither of those two words are fitting!

Also, I'm confused at what an age appropiate conversation is? Surely the explanation is just "bob loves gary like mum loves dad" or something along those lines. It doesnt matter what age the child is, surely the explanation is the same? I would be interested to hear what extra details are revealed as the children get older.

I think a lot of people automatically think of sex when they think of gay couples. They don't automatically think of the couple cooking each other dinner, watching a movie, booking a holiday, walking around the park etc. . .everything couples do that are gay or not!

SPsDoesntLikeChaffingFishnets Sun 17-Nov-13 23:03:09

I did accidently let the toddler see Hollyoaks a couple of week ago so many questions were asked. I had to explain about how some people like boys and girls grin

I dont go round explaining straight couples so I won't go round explaining gay couples.

He knows a lesbian couple and isn't phased. He hasn't asked questions about them but questions the TV

Caitlin17 Sun 17-Nov-13 23:04:57

Good grief. My DS was born in 1990. I don't recall ever having a specific conversation but he always knew the lovely couple who ran our local corner shop were a couple and he knew our gay friends were couples.

There was no more need to explain anything than there was to explain about any other couple.

nohopeland Sun 17-Nov-13 23:05:29

By age appropriate I meant answering the questions he was asking lol he already knew they were a couple and he started questioning babies and other things as he got older. So I kept it simple and age appropriate

foreverondiet Sun 17-Nov-13 23:05:54

Its not hard. I have young children, a gay sister and am religious.

I just say that my sister and her friend live together. My daughter (oldest, she is 10) asked if my sister would get married - I just said no, not to man but maybe to her (girl) friend. Have explained that most people love / get married to people of opposite sex but for some they love / get married to people of the same sex, and thats ok.

She asked if they would have children - I said they might, and luckily she didn't ask about the mechanics of this. But if she does ask (if / when) my sister has children, will explain about buying seeds from a man or something like that.

WhereIsMyHat Sun 17-Nov-13 23:07:09

My 5 year old asked me if boys could marry boys last year and was

nohopeland Sun 17-Nov-13 23:07:42

I never told my children btw as in explaining about being gay, they had always been a couple in my house my eldest as he got older started d asking questions relating to same sex relationships .

crispsanddips Sun 17-Nov-13 23:08:28

Foreverondiet- why do you use the term 'friend'? Why not 'girlfriend' or 'partner'?

Just curious smile

SPsDoesntLikeChaffingFishnets Sun 17-Nov-13 23:09:49

My son also knows that he may marry buildings and objects or he so wishes after he was eaves dropping

WhereIsMyHat Sun 17-Nov-13 23:10:08


pleased they could as he could marry one of his friends. I don't think it needs to be said, just like other posters have said 'oh Michael and his boyfriend/ husband' are coming around.

I did have to explain that my sons couldn't marry me when they're older trying to explain that one was fun.

exexpat Sun 17-Nov-13 23:10:08

A few years ago the (male) deputy head of the primary school my children used to go to got hitched (in a civil partnership ceremony) to another male member of staff. It was announced in the school newsletter, with congratulations all round.

As far as I know none of the children (aged 4-11) were traumatised - mine were just, oh, OK then. I think DD may have asked if one of them was going to change name (her form teacher had got married a few months earlier and had changed name).

It's only an issue if the parent makes it an issue. If I were your gay friend, I wouldn't feel comfortable visiting someone who obviously has issues with gay people.

WannabeFayeMouse Sun 17-Nov-13 23:10:52

tbh I think most young children are surprised that the world expects M-F relationships. They have to be taught to be prejudiced.

StrawberryGashes Sun 17-Nov-13 23:28:05

She's being ridiculous, my cousin and her wife just adopted a child and my children didn't ask any questions (I was expecting at least a couple), they just accepted that aunty x and aunty y are now parents and they have a new cousin. Not traumatised in the least, and my oldest is 7.

Greythorne Sun 17-Nov-13 23:34:16

In what way is it complex?

Goldmandra Sun 17-Nov-13 23:54:35

They have to be taught to be prejudiced.

Exactly. This is what the OP's friend is doing.

If it's just an unremarkable fact the children won't give it more than a moment's thought. They will them assimilate the information into their understanding of adult relationships and grow up fully accepting it.

Floralnomad Mon 18-Nov-13 00:01:39

foreverondiet your dd is 10 and you would say about buying 'seeds from a man ' ,which century are you living in

BasilBabyEater Mon 18-Nov-13 00:08:52

" tbh I think most young children are surprised that the world expects M-F relationships. They have to be taught to be prejudiced."

This. OP your friend sounds like an asshat

FortyDoorsToNowhere Mon 18-Nov-13 00:10:01

My son came home from school about a year ago saying that so gay mum.

I explained gay meant 2 men or 2 women love each other like mummy and daddy does. I also told him you can't help who you fall in love with.

No need to make sexuality into a taboo subject to children.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now