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is DH being a dick or am I

(208 Posts)
Mrschocolate Sun 17-Nov-13 20:44:20

DH thinks I am being daft and hormonal (I'm 7 months pregnant)
I think he is being annoying and if he carries on I will kill him.

He has spent the past two Sundays grumping because he wants different veg with his roast dinner. Between them my DCs will only eat sweetcorn, carrots and broccoli and because there is a limited time on Sunday I just make what they all like. But DH keeps saying he is bored, I have told him to make his own if it bothers him that much but he just says he doesn't want too.

Then yesterday I asked him to go and get some Xmas presents we have a set budget for each DC. I had set aside more money for my eldest two and less for the youngest two who are both 1 so they won't notice or remember and they will get lots off family anyway. DH agreed this with me. But yesterday he decided that it was unfair and spent loads on the youngest two and he bought some stuff which they already have. When I pointed this out to him he sulked for hours and refused to take them back.

But when I complain he says I am hormonal and just dismisses me as some mad pregnant woman. So AIBU or is he?

Thinking of you op. I hope you've had a chance to think and are working towards some kind of resolution.

passedgo Wed 20-Nov-13 13:33:38

Hi Chocolate, so sorry to here that this was his excuse. There was me giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe a cancer scare, or a death of someone close, or perhaps even he had lost his job, or had an uncontrollable gambling habit.

I'm still not going to be dismissive of him because there is so much at stake here and only the two of you know whether it will work out. You are extremely vulnerable and need to look after yourself. I would spend more time with him so you can make a clear decision together, whether it is to separate or to stay together. The last thing you need is a fight or not talk to each other at all. At least if you do separate it could be done in a way that won't put you under any more stress.


toffeesponge Wed 20-Nov-13 13:16:19

To take the time to look for someone on facebook is not a situation where one has had a drunken snog with no thought. He has actively gone after her.

noseymcposey Wed 20-Nov-13 10:29:50

OP, hope you are ok.

Taking what he has said at face value, do you think the temptation he felt has scared him? How does he seem? The fact that he has told you all this without you having an inkling it would be something along these lines I would have thought is a good thing. It's not like you found evidence of there being another woman and then he has given you some half truths as a consequence.

I hope what he has said is true, and I think it's important that you trust your instincts with what he is telling you as you know him best and will be best placed to decide if you think what he is saying is plausible.

It is very hard having young children, just having the one child put mine and DP's relationship under quite a strain so can only imagine how much that's magnified by having several very young children.

If you decide that what he is saying seems realistic, and he is genuinely sorry, and otherwise things are/were ok is it worth spending some time both of you getting it all out about how you both feel so you can move forward?

Objection Wed 20-Nov-13 09:44:53

OP, I'm so sorry to hear that. Big hugs to you!

Sounds like you are keeping a level head about this, I agree with MissSmiley and advise that you need to consider how he has been throughout your relationship and base your decision on that in conjunction with his recent attitude and actions.

Your gut feeling is the most powerful indicator here and please don't put too much weight on the inevitable LTB responses a lot of mumsnetters tend to throw out on these threads. You know your husband, yourself and your relationship best. We're strangers who only know a snippet of the real story, it sounds like you MIL is a real rock with a level head and a fair POV. Chat to her, your friends, your family and have a real good think yourself. (But it sounds like that's what you're doing anyway!)

Best of luck, OP.

BiscuitDunkingMum Wed 20-Nov-13 09:28:45

I hope you got a lie in too......maybe someone else helps with the one year olds????

TheRealAmandaClarke Wed 20-Nov-13 07:47:45

I think you are quite right to insist on time to think.
Can you/ would you want to do your thinking away from the home? Or with the DCs with him at MIL's or somewhere?? I only ask because, although my DCs are the ppl who make me happy, I find it hard to think when they are around.
It sounds to me like he has had his head turned by this woman and is struggling with that. The mugging was unfortunate to say the least, and it will have been very traumatic, but I think he is applying that to this situation to get some sympathy, to partially excuse hisnbahviour IYSWIM.
I would want a strong sign of commitment to your marriage from him. I would want to have every assurance that he will never contact to woman again (do you know who she is? Does mil?)
He should ake this up to you. But I know many people who have overcome such things and been very happy together afterwards.
Honesty. Communication. Atonement. Consideration.
From him.
thanks brew

nennypops Wed 20-Nov-13 07:38:47

I agree with MissSmiley, this really isn't the time to start jumping to conclusions. But he really needs to come home and explain himself fully, and start making up for his behaviour.

TheDoctrineOfWho Wed 20-Nov-13 07:32:30

Ok, that's good he admitted he was a dick for blaming you.

Mrschocolate Wed 20-Nov-13 07:26:01

The police came to our house to check on him and found our car.

He apologized for being a dick and for blaming me for it. He keeps saying he will try and make it up to me but I said I just needed time to decide what to do.

Does he have proof about the original story? Police report or anything?

Housesellerihope Wed 20-Nov-13 06:52:50

I remember your previous thread and I believed his story and defended him then. Now I don't and think that story and this story are complete bullshit. Sorry OP and stay strong.

TheDoctrineOfWho Wed 20-Nov-13 00:16:28

Did he apologise for being a twat about the vegetables?

Once he'd explained the present thing, did he apologise for the way he spoke to you as it was his guilt talking?

Overall, has he said he was wrong to call you hormonal when actually he is the one in the wrong?

YoniMatopoeia Tue 19-Nov-13 23:21:21

I am sorry but I disagree with missSmiley. Pretty much 100 % of the time you are getting the minimal version ofthe truth that they think they can get aaway with.

Can you pinpoint when his behaviour started to change?

HeffalumpTheFlump Tue 19-Nov-13 22:38:03

So sorry op sad

MissSmiley Tue 19-Nov-13 22:37:31

Don't do anything rash. You say he's normally a great partner and husband. People can behave a bit oddly under pressure. We had two kids then unexpectedly had twins followed v closely by another surprise baby so we have been through something v similar stress wise. Anyone with a "normal" number of kids can only imagine the stress you are both under. Please try to find some time to be alone with each other without the children and decide together how to move forward. I think he's being honest. He deserves a second chance.

pianodoodle Tue 19-Nov-13 22:33:58

Has he even acknowledged or apologised for how awful his behaviour to you was? I hope he isn't excusing it. Does he realise the strain he's putting on you or it is all now about "poor me"?

Really sorry only you know him but so much about what he says doesn't ring true at all.

I'm glad you're not rushing hope you're doing alright and concentrate on what's best for you x

MistAllChuckingFrighty Tue 19-Nov-13 22:22:47

he has done such a number on you sad

Mrschocolate Tue 19-Nov-13 22:21:26

I don't know mist

MistAllChuckingFrighty Tue 19-Nov-13 22:20:39

Is that better then ?

Mrschocolate Tue 19-Nov-13 22:19:32

Oh he didn't keep the girls number. He binned it but then found her again on Facebook

WannaSplitAPineapple Tue 19-Nov-13 22:17:13

If when the car was stolen he still has his phone why didn't he ring you? If his phone was taken how does he still have her number?

It may just be that he's overwhelmed with the responsibility of another child, which doesn't excuse it but may explain why he is doing something which from what you've said sounds out of character.

MistAllChuckingFrighty Tue 19-Nov-13 22:14:53

You do realise he stayed out of your way at his mother's and refused to speak to you until he had got his cock and bull story lined up with his mates and this woman, don't you ?

steff13 Tue 19-Nov-13 22:13:19


EverybodysStressyEyed Tue 19-Nov-13 22:09:53

Even if he is telling the truth, he has still taken a woman's number and kept it, contacted her to meet up (even if he cancelled at the last minute) and he has been treating you like shot because of his guilty conscience.

He is looking after himself - you need to look out for yourself. Don't rush into a decision - take your time.

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