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is DH being a dick or am I

(208 Posts)
Mrschocolate Sun 17-Nov-13 20:44:20

DH thinks I am being daft and hormonal (I'm 7 months pregnant)
I think he is being annoying and if he carries on I will kill him.

He has spent the past two Sundays grumping because he wants different veg with his roast dinner. Between them my DCs will only eat sweetcorn, carrots and broccoli and because there is a limited time on Sunday I just make what they all like. But DH keeps saying he is bored, I have told him to make his own if it bothers him that much but he just says he doesn't want too.

Then yesterday I asked him to go and get some Xmas presents we have a set budget for each DC. I had set aside more money for my eldest two and less for the youngest two who are both 1 so they won't notice or remember and they will get lots off family anyway. DH agreed this with me. But yesterday he decided that it was unfair and spent loads on the youngest two and he bought some stuff which they already have. When I pointed this out to him he sulked for hours and refused to take them back.

But when I complain he says I am hormonal and just dismisses me as some mad pregnant woman. So AIBU or is he?

pianodoodle Sun 17-Nov-13 21:06:07

He wouldn't start banging on the shed door if you connected the car exhaust pipe to the shed air vent...

I just had to tell DH what I was chuckling at grin

He said "bloody hell I'd better watch my step if that's the kind of advice you might get!"

Seriously though he needs to sort himself out that's too many stupid things to do and say in the space of a day.

Is this an unusually bad day? I really hope so!

CocacolaMum Sun 17-Nov-13 21:07:08

just laugh and tell him to man up. change of veg INDEED!

pianodoodle Sun 17-Nov-13 21:08:45

Who gets to lie in bed until ten O'clock with babies and a pregnant wife?!

I hope you can get to the bottom of this behaviour and it is definitely not all in your head.

I'm 7 months pregnant too OK you have a bit of a wobble now and then but you are definitely not losing your wits or over reacting at this.

Mrschocolate Sun 17-Nov-13 21:08:56

He is not usually like this. He used to get like this sometimes but never for this long and he hasn't been like this for a while now because his job became a bit less stressful and he got better hours so he was home some weekends and holidays.

passedgo Sun 17-Nov-13 21:10:10

If he's saying it's in your head then it is gaslighting, look at the link but brace yourself.

How sad. Four children (another on the way) and this is going on.

The thing is, if anyone's unhappy and you love them, you try your best to help them and make it better. Not go and hide in the shed sulking.

He is being a dick. If I was you I'd buy him a box of veg and a steamer for Christmas.

Jolleigh Sun 17-Nov-13 21:13:45

I absolutely hate the 'logic' that a woman must be being hormonal because she's pregnant (5 months gone and my OH is far worse than I am after my fairly easy first half). angry

Men have just as much a capability to spit their dummy out as we have. And yours is proving this. We all do it occasionally. Take him a brew, give him a kiss, leave him in the shed. The ball is then officially in his court.

passedgo Sun 17-Nov-13 21:16:27

I wonder if you can test him re the goading thing. Next time he tries to goad you apologise and say you must be feeling hormonal and gauge his reaction. He might say 'oh that's ok, it's nothing really' or he might say 'you should really go and see a doctor'. You'll know then whether he's gaslighting.

toffeesponge Sun 17-Nov-13 21:17:02

He really is of the belief he is the Lord and fucking master isn't he?

Doesn't want to cook some veg.
Sulks when told he has wasted money.
Has the nerve to say he thought YOU would do more like it is your fucking job.
He is a goady fucker.

FFS do not tolerate any more shit from him.

I always do a roast dinner. Everyone gets to say one thing they want with the dinner and I always do about 5 veg as not everyone wants certain things and it is no bother. No one would mind if every week it was peas and broccoli. DH would be disappointed if no roasties but he certainly wouldn't act like your prat of a husband.

Now get yourself in the bath. Do not give him any more attention tonight and tell him straight tomorrow he is out of order. Next week do not do a roast. Stop clearing up after him as well.

Are you having baby number 5 btw?

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 17-Nov-13 21:17:05

Three lie ins in a row?! Where was your lie in?! Bloody hell. He really is a dick. sad

Mrschocolate Sun 17-Nov-13 21:18:12

Usually I have a lie in on Saturday and he takes the DCs swimming but he was being a sick Saturday morning saying that I get the easy job and in the end I took the DCs swimming gave him the Xmas list and told him to go and get the presents then.(which he cocked up)

And as soon as the twins started crying this morning he told me to sort it because he has work tomorrow so he NEEDS his Sunday lie in. I just couldn't spend the morning fighting again so I told him to have his damn lie in. Then I went downstairs and made PA banging noises

toffeesponge Sun 17-Nov-13 21:18:32

And no kissing and tea delivering ffs.

CocktailQueen Sun 17-Nov-13 21:18:53

Wow, 3 days off work and lie ins every day till 10! Do you usually share child are more equally?

Your dh us being a dick. Get him to cook the bloody lunch if he doesn't like the veg.

Xmas presents - sounds a bit crap. Am not a big fan of sulking!!

Is he worried about the baby? <clutching at straws here>

BasilBabyEater Sun 17-Nov-13 21:19:12

He's more than a dick he's an abusive dick.

Dismissing something a woman says because she is pregnant, is such rank sexism and yet is so widely accepted as if it's reasonable "ooh, I got really hormonal about it". Bullshit. There is absolutely no scientific evidence whatsoever, that women get mad or stupid or irrational or any of the other dismissive, gaslighting bullshit terms used to pretend that women aren't as reliably equally human after all, as we're supposed to think, when they are pregnant. Any more than men becoming extremely unreliable and irrational when they have a testosterone surge after their team win a football match. Because hormones present in higher levels in women somehow cause madness, but those present in higher levels in men don't.

Fuck that. He's worse than a dick. He's a gaslighting dick.

toffeesponge Sun 17-Nov-13 21:19:58

And why do you need a lie in?

FFS he really is a delicate little flower isn't he?

You have 4 kids and are growing another ffs.

This man is horrible, Sorry.

BasilBabyEater Sun 17-Nov-13 21:20:33

Re lie in - you are 7 months pregnant and he gets a lie in 3 days in a row while you get none?

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

Jolleigh Sun 17-Nov-13 21:23:12

toffee - I'm assuming you've never experienced a bit of sympathy after you've thrown a wobbler? It's very humbling and also avoids an out and out row. He's been a prat but there's no reason to throw petrol on the fire.

passedgo Sun 17-Nov-13 21:24:52

How old are your twins? Sounds like you have an awful lot on your hands. Does he take them all swimming together?

Mrschocolate Sun 17-Nov-13 21:25:05

Yes I am having baby number 5 I have two older DC and then I have twins.
Baby number 5 wasn't planned (but then neither was twins) and I am wondering if he is maybe having second thoughts or he is worried about it but it's a bit bloody late now and we will be fine financially as long as we plan and don't over spend which is why the Xmas presents are such an issue

passedgo Sun 17-Nov-13 21:26:26

Jolleigh, throwing petrol on the fire, stop giving OP ideas. It could get dangerous. Especially if he's locked in the shed.

toffeesponge Sun 17-Nov-13 21:26:27

He hasn't thrown a wobbler though. He has behaved in a really disgraceful way over and over again.

Jolleigh Sun 17-Nov-13 21:27:39

Entirely unintentional passedgo wink

gemmal88 Sun 17-Nov-13 21:31:35

He's being an arsehole.

Jolleigh Sun 17-Nov-13 21:31:41

toffee - I'm sorry but it does look like he's thrown a wobbler. Wobblers are by nature disgraceful. OP can either rise to it and treat him the same way or she can acknowledge that he's probably got quite a bit on his mind just like she has. A kind act could really bring him back to reality and make him realise he's been an arse.

Mrschocolate Sun 17-Nov-13 21:34:06

The twins are 1 and he doesn't take them swimming altogether as such. The older two go to swimming lessons and he takes the twins in with him at the same time.
I only work two nights a week so I do most of the childcare during the week whilst DH works (9-5 Monday to Friday) and then DH has the DCs for most of Saturday and we have a family day on Sunday.

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