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to be fed up of sitting every night next to a sleeping DH?

(41 Posts)
iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 21:52:50

another night where half an hour after eating and sitting on the sofa that DH has fallen asleep, woken after half an hour and decided to get to bed (at 8.30pm!)
We were both up at 5.30am, he was at work by 7am and I got the (4) DC's to school (after feeding dogs, chooks etc) and then to work at 9.30am til 2.45pm then school run, after school clubs, homework, H/Ec prep, DC's dinner and then mine and DH's dinner made .. he comes home at 6pm, having had what he describes as an 'easy day with a good laugh with the lads' and proceeds to tell me in detail (yaawwwnn) I put kids to bath & bed, serve tea, we eat , he sits and falls asleep sat on my own again watching shite on TV and f**ked off AIBU ? its like this 5 nights out of 7

chinley Fri 15-Nov-13 11:03:41

I think you just need to accept that different people need different amounts of sleep

A very important point. We're all different. I have to take iron supplement so I can function without falling asleep in the daytime and I still need to top up with coffee throughout the day. I need 8 hours of early sleep and still wake up grumpy, whereas DH can bounce out of bed, fresh as a daisy, after getting to bed at 4am and having 5 hours. angry

I would love to be able to function on less sleep and not be constantly tired.

redskyatnight Fri 15-Nov-13 08:45:13

I'm the same as your DH. I need 8 hours sleep as a minimum or I am zombie like the next day. My DH only needs about 6 hours sleep so it is a constant gripe of his that I got to bed so early. I've tried staying up later, but it just means I'm doubly tired the next day.

I think you just need to accept that different people need different amounts of sleep. Also, I have to say that when I worked part time during school hours (like your routine now) and did "child" things before and after school, I found it much easier than working a full long day at work - there's something very mind-numbing about doing the same thing all day (even if it is "easy"), and actually having a bit of variety and being able to get "out" is more restful (I know I'll now get a whole host of people saying the opposite, but that might well be how your DH feels).

Nagoo Fri 15-Nov-13 08:31:12

I don't understand why he has time to go to sleep while you are doing all the crap sorting tomorrow out. Give him some jobs, that will keep him awake.

TBH though, the peace and having what you want on the telly is some consolation in my eyes.

Thants Fri 15-Nov-13 08:26:27

If he's in why isn't he helping bath and put the kids to bed? Or cooking? Falling asleep on the sofa isn't good. Do something together instead of watching tv which makes you sleepy. When he wants to go to bed that's fine but napping on the sofa no.

Shellywelly1973 Fri 15-Nov-13 08:08:41

Bloody hell- I can't believe people spend this long in bed...8.30pm-5.30am?! Seriously?

How do you get everything done?

I get up at 6 am, 6 days a week. Im never ever in bed before 12/12.30am.

dozeydoris Fri 15-Nov-13 08:03:40

I have been trying to improve my sleep (constant waking in small hours) and to do that now limit my time in bed, so go to bed late and get up early. And actually it's quite good! I can MNet, read drivel online, read more books, knit, catch up on recorded tv without the guilt that I should be doing something more useful.

Also wondering if DH is really such scintillating company? It's nice to have time to do stuff on your own in peace imo.

dozeydoris Fri 15-Nov-13 07:57:42

I don't get him relaxing online after work while you do baths.

I would tell him DCs would like to see more of him (ie he does bathtime) and you are going running with a neighbour at that time, it's dark so you don't want to go alone, but you need to get fitter. Thus you leave him to it and you aren't there to see what goes on so it is up to him how well it goes. And just go out for a nice stroll round the block for half an hour (at least). Come back refreshed to finish off bed time (as it sounds like it will be beyond DP to do it all) then sit down to your new hobby, writing a novel, knitting a hat, making homemade Xmas cards, learn a language, do online reviewing of books you have read, mumsnetting etc etc. Keep off the wine as it reduces brain power.

If you think he will be fully enthused about doing bathtime alone just be honest and tell him you want a break, otherwise use the story above so he can't whinge you into continuing as you are.

brettgirl2 Fri 15-Nov-13 07:46:16

This annoys dh about me grin

I need lots of sleep, 9.30 to get up at 6.30, so exactly the same op. I can't help it, honestly blush

SmugAndSanctimoniousArsehole Fri 15-Nov-13 07:45:03

Sounds a bit like my house, except I'm your dh blush

Were both up early with the kids, dh leaves at 6.30, I do the morning stuff and drop them of (x3).
i work 8.30-6 including travel, dh works 6.30-3.30.

He picks the kids up and does all the evening stuff, I get in, eat my dinner and basically collapse. We leave all the house work other than a few wash loads and washing up etc at the weekend.

I do dropping off at cubs/scouts, he does pick up because by 8.30 I am ready for bed.

Multiple children and two ft jobs mean early nights and exhaustion, generally.


cheminotte Fri 15-Nov-13 07:43:31

yanbu. He should be helping out and can do his post work relaxing after dinner just like you.

Ruprekt Fri 15-Nov-13 07:33:41

You need to change the routine.

He can choose....make dinner and do packed lunches or he can do the bathtime routine.


Normalisavariantofcrazy Fri 15-Nov-13 07:28:04

My DH is exactly the same except we both work full time.

All I get from him is 'I wish I could change my body clock but I can't!'

It's infuriating and you have my sympathies

CrohnicallyTired Fri 15-Nov-13 07:22:26

Iwanttobelola- it can be. I had gestational diabetes and I always knew if I had gone high after a meal, as I would go really sleepy. Now the diabetes has cleared up so has the post meal sleepiness.

chinley Fri 15-Nov-13 00:29:07

Slip some caffeine into his dinner. Better yet, get his bloods tested, he may have an iron or B-vit deficiency.

AnandaTimeIn Thu 14-Nov-13 22:44:14

4 kids, dogs and chooks to take care of?! Never mind getting up at 05.30 to go to work...

I'd be right pissed off if I had to do that on my own...

am a SP, one teenager - dad left - is enough!

arethereanyleftatall Thu 14-Nov-13 22:31:23

I definitely agree that you need a hobby. You're really good to be doing so much of the work without complaining!,and, 2 days of the week, your hobby should start at 6pm. Its absolutely his turn sometimes to do bath and bed.

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:29:27

Venus thinking about the diabetes thing though he does fall asleep a lot after eating (has been known to fall asleep at work at breaktime) is that a sign ?

livinginwonderland Thu 14-Nov-13 22:28:31

5.30am is early though. I know on days when I have to be up early, I'm out for the count at 8pm and I don't have the energy to stay up and talk or be too social after that. I think you either need to sort the kids together or do dinner together so that you're socialising a bit then, or just accept that some people need more sleep than others.

If you had something to do in the evenings, you probably wouldn't resent him going to bed. I do get that it can be dull if you're awake and want to talk and your OH is more interested in sleep. DP and I had that argument a lot when we moved in together, but we're both much more tolerant now.

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:27:09

LifeofPee ( like the name) I am a gardener (though quieter this time of year)/herb grower (for a couple of restaurants locally) so make my own working hours around the DC's

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:25:09

Zen weekends are taken up with kids social lives and he works one out of four but also plays rugby. I think though if I started doing something of an evening then I would be happier and then it wouldn't be an issue (except for the dog)

LifeOfPee Thu 14-Nov-13 22:23:04

Off topic but what do you do for a living that has a 9.30-2.45 working day? Sounds ideal.

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:22:00

I think to be honest after running around sorting German Homework out , doing dinner etc I do not relax until after dinner, by which point he has done his relaxing (too much) and has gone to bed .... whereas I am up for talking shite etc ...obv not a thrilling enough evening for him .

dreamingbohemian Thu 14-Nov-13 22:20:24

But you guys are getting up at 5.30 am!

Fair enough if you're not tired but I'd be completely shattered by 8 pm myself. I'd need something more stimulating than sitting on the sofa watching TV to keep me awake.

ZenNudist Thu 14-Nov-13 22:19:53

So you don't mind that you do all the hard work domestically?

Suggest take up reading to fill the dull moments - get a kindle! And yes, getting out more.

You need time out of the house, work is not enough. Either make plans with existing friends or plan a social activity or class that will allow you to make some more friends! Perhaps when you shift yourself dh will too. Sounds like you're both in an exhausted rut.

At least he's getting sleep. Better that than sitting up all night mumsnet ting & bring tired and cranky.

What do you do at weekends?

VenusDeWillendorf Thu 14-Nov-13 22:19:27

He does the bed and bath routine, you start a book club!

Or if you're worried that he's sleepy after a meal, maybe he has blood sugar issues, and needs a diabetes test.

Hope your it all works out.

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