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AIBU?

To plan a wedding when SIL will be 32wks pg

18 replies

susannahscoffs · 14/11/2013 14:08

I live abroad, a 2.5 hr flight from London where my family are. DP and I would like to finally tie the knot after a 4 year engagement and 1 child, and would like to do it next year before we get too old and decrepit and other stuff gets in the way (like hopefully a second DC...).

We've been talking about it for months and due to various issues (the summer heat where we live, DPs work schedule with family business which is very busy at certain times of year and involves his entire family) we can't get married between June - October. My side of the family will all have to fly here from the UK/US.

We were hoping to do it in May but I recently found out that my DB has got his new barely know her girlfriend pregnant and she's due in mid June. Obviously we can't expect her to fly a month or so before the due date so we're now thinking of a date a few days after Easter - last week of April. By my calculations she would be 32 weeks pregnant.

We could have it earlier, i.e. end of March, but that leaves really very little time for planning. Plus, the weather won't be as good.
As for leaving it til the end of the year, I don't particularly want a winter wedding, and as we're going to try for DC2 I want to get the wedding out of the way first (of course life's never that simple though is it!)

My DB is ok about it but he's not the one carrying the baby I hardly know his girlfriend and don't want to piss her off. She's very young (20) and healthy and so far no problems with the pregnancy.
I flew the same distance when 28 wks pregnant and had no trouble.
So what do you reckon, AIBU to schedule the wedding when she'll be about 32 weeks pregnant?

OP posts:

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plantsitter · 14/11/2013 14:12

I think it'll be fine. But if you want to get in her good books you could always send her a message telling her the date and saying you hope she will be ok flying.

humphryscorner · 14/11/2013 14:13

Don't plan your wedding around other people otherwise it turns in to a circus. If you bend it to one person others expect the same courtesy.

It's YOUR and dps day no one else's . If your brothers fine with it , crack on.

Air lines normally refuse 36+ weeks pregnancy. We just got on with ours other wise it would have been a logistical nightmare!

NeedlesCuties · 14/11/2013 14:16

She should be fine... especially if she sees it as a 'last holiday before baby'.

I flew from Dublin to Aberdeen at 34 weeks pregnant for a weeks holiday before my PFB arrived (at 39 weeks). It was fine and I'm glad I have those memories.

HenriettaPie · 14/11/2013 14:24

YANBU- it's your wedding, so up to you when you get married. DH brother got married 2 weeks after my due date(in another country). I wasn't annoyed- I just didn't go. However I would have never expected them to change their dates for me!

TooTryHard · 14/11/2013 14:35

Having just done it at 28 weeks, it wiped me out! Now at 32 weeks I would not be relishing the thought. I did have an exta couple of little dc and lots of driving when there to deal with though.

However, I'd be delighted for it to be close enough to the due date to get out of it tbh and dh could go without me.

Invite and let her know you'd love her to be there but will understand if not. The only thing that would annoy me is if it was from about 36 weeks when I'd want to know dp was in the same country at least.

LayMeDown · 14/11/2013 15:10

I wouldn't expect her to go tbh. I wouldn't go abroad at 32 weeks but all mine were early.
YANBU to plan it for that date, she may not come but so what, that's her call. She shouldn't be upset by you not organising it around her. As long as you are OK with her not being there, then do it when you want.

susannahscoffs · 14/11/2013 23:19

Am feeling on slightly thicker ice now having read these answers, thanks - was fully prepared to be told I was being U!

OP posts:

Mylovelyboy · 14/11/2013 23:32

YANBU why do you have to organise your wedding around this woman. No way. Do what is right for you. Your wedding, your plans.

MerylStrop · 14/11/2013 23:39

We'll so long as you accept that your DB may not feel like he can leave his heavily pregnant girlfriend to come to your wedding. It might be fine with her, it might not. Who can tell at this point?

If you definitely want your brother there an earlier wedding might be better.

mortuusUrsus · 15/11/2013 01:03

YA already BU to have considered changing the date from May to April! Organise & plan your wedding around what you would like, if she doesn't come then oh well (or is it important to you that she attend?)

CoolStoryBro · 15/11/2013 01:06

I didn't go to my BIL's wedding as it was in Australia and I was heavily pregnant. Also, we had only just been out there and didn't want to pay for 4 flights again. I don't think anyone minded at all, least of all me! DH went for a couple of weeks, and the kids and I stayed home and had a lovely time.

perfectstorm · 15/11/2013 01:09

I think it's lovely of you to be considering that aspect, actually - refreshingly non-Bridezilla! I don't know where you live, but would there be comfy accommodation for her? And would she get decent travel insurance in case she went into labour early, if it's not part of the EU?

If she has a nice easy pregnancy then a holiday somewhere warm and pleasant at 32 weeks might be a real treat in a first pregnancy - a babymoon isn't something you get the second time around!

pinkr · 15/11/2013 04:05

Hhm...I was bridesmaid for my sister when my dd was just four Weeks old, having been to a friends wedding at 38 Weeks I can tell you which was easier! ! Add long as she's having a trouble free pregnancy it sounds like a good idea...you can't plan your life to suit everyone else. Good luck!

DuckToWater · 15/11/2013 05:38

I think just give them a ring and discuss it, basically, rather than speculating as to what they will do.

heartisaspade · 15/11/2013 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BikeRunSki · 15/11/2013 08:25

I think you just need to go ahead and arrange your wedding around you.

But I am waiting for a thread called "New bf's sister expecting me to fly to her wedding when I will be 32 wk pg....I barely know her".

susannahscoffs · 15/11/2013 08:33

haha BikeRunSki good point! :)

PerfectStorm - yes it's in the EU, southern Europe, so no problem with health insurance I assume.

MortusUrsuus, it is important to me that DB attends, not so much her... but IMO, bearing in mind this is the mother of my future niece/nephew and she will hopefully be a big part of our family for the next however many decades, it's important not to make any major boo-boos at this stage. Not sure she would feel the same to be honest, if she was in my shoes, but who knows...

Think I'll have to call her today before we start booking things.

OP posts:

Fakebook · 15/11/2013 09:11

I put my wedding forward from August to December for my Dsis who had her baby in July. Only because she is my only sister and she wanted to be at and help organise my wedding. I needed her.

This woman will only attend your wedding. She'll sleep on the plane, rest in a hotel and then spend a day at your wedding at 32 weeks. For a first normal healthy pregnancy she should be absolutely fine. I wouldn't change the dates tbh.

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