to feel uncomfortable with Christmas. .(38 Posts)
A set of inlaws have three dc. Quite close in age, all above 5. (being purposefully vague)
Every Christmas we all go away for the festive period. It's expected that we go. Sometimes it is enjoyable. .others not so.
My dc is of age (5)where this Christmas they will be fully aware of it all and understand the whole thing. Really looking forward to it.
The problem is that despite everyone knowing its all funded via credit rather than hard earned and saved cash, they dc are spoilt. Literally hundreds of presents. So many presents infact that the dc volunteer to spread them out over the day as they eventually get tired wading their way through their individual ginormous piles of gifts.
This is not something I'm aiming for with my dc. Gifts are carefully considered and I'd say this year our dc has around ten. Two large items and a few bits and bobs. I think this is acceptable. Except this year ds is going to clock inlaws dc piles upon piles of gifts and it's something I can see causing jealousy and Issue in future if not this year.
how do i deal with this. Aside from the fact its always made me cringe a bit (but its their kids..their life etc) I'm not sure how to avoid ds asking or demanding more and having to explain that gifts is not what Christmas is about.. aibu to be feeling this anxious about it?
Can you not back out of going? I hate being forced to go somewhere!
I can really see where you are coming from on this. But as you say....trying to explain what christmas is all about to a child just does not cut it. Do yo really want to go to this shindig of a circus. Can you get out of it. If not, (might sound ridiculous as why the hell should you try and keep up with these people) ......give dc more cheaper gifts then they can have more [concused]. If not, whilst your dc is playing and engrossed in their new toys would they really notice. Dont beat yourself up about it. Can see your point though. bloody people.....arrr
You shouldn't have to spend Christmas day with them if you don't want to. But you do sound awfully judgemental. I think you don't like the parents much.
We used to go to my cousins' on Christmas evening and they had more presents than me - because they had to wait till everyone was there to open everything, while i had stocking presents first thing then family presents at the family dinner.
Could you do a stocking to be opened by your dc with you in bed then just explain that the cousins have more because they're opening the stocking at the same time?
I hope that makes sense
The thing is we could go nuts on buying. ..but id rather save ££ and we put a certain amount in ds bank account each xmas instead.
Its just so much. . its so unnecessary imo. I just don't want ds to think its normal and they are somehow missing out you know? its all so black and white at that age. .they've got more than me. end of.
I wish. No escaping without serious guilt tripping. Its an obligation. The other set of inlaws look on in simalar disbelief.
TheIggorCist perhaps I am a bit judgmental on this particular subject. . but I certainly do like them, They're actually very lovely and normally reasonable people otherwise and we spend alot of time together socially.
Would you rather be guilt tripped, or have your five year old child feel like he isn't special enough to deserve as much for Christmas?
If you do the whole Father Christmas thing and your ds believes, won't he think that he hasn't been good enough compared to his cousins?
Invent a new family tradition, give your dc a few cheap things on the 6th then blame that as above
It's so hard. We had a similar issue with family. They came to us for Xmas one year and th amount of presents was obscene. And the children really didn't appreciate any of it. It was actually my sister. She does admit they go overboard. Made me decide to avoid Xmas morning with them.
Can you speak to them? Are they likely to be receptive to you saying something? Not that I'd know what to say!
Nor would I Cider. . at the end of the day some parents like to go overboard. .We actually haven't previously given our dc all presents in one go and we don't on their birthday either. .we filter them over a few days because otherwise they just got opened..momentarily gawped and then thrown to one side when they'd found the current favourite you know?
Yes..we are definitely doing father Christmas ....im going to have to come up with a plan to avoid being present during gift time. For me Christmas is about setting time aside to indulge family members with time. .since we rush around and work so much in the year you know. And of course lots of food! haha. We aren't religious but all the children within the family are taughthow Christmas came to be and to respect dg and her faith we attend a service.
We always had this within our family. While the children are as you has yours I honestly don't think they really notice as long as the present they have are ones they are excited with. When they are older, they can understand simple explanations. Eg some presents come from parents, not Santa. I really wouldn't try to match the number of presents if your values are different.
'While the children are as young as yours' not you has yours
But there is another set of inlaws you said?
So can you perhaps send a round robin email to every adult attending to say that perhaps to make it fair on all the kids shall we take 10 presents each for opening together, so that all the kids are treated fairly and neither had more than the other?
I certainly wouldn't mind that, and if they want to take more presents they can open them in private on Christmas eve or Boxing day.
I have a similar issue in reverse. This year I have bought my dd an expensive present (my money, my choice, I can afford it) that I know my niece would also love but my sil thinks is too expensive.
I can guarantee my sil will spend the whole of Christmas dinner making passive aggressive comments about how I've ruined my nieces Christmas.
Can you join them on Boxing Day instead thus avoiding the present opening but still having the traditional holiday
That's a really difficult situation, spooky. I can understand both of your points of view.
Firmly establish that santa brings stocking presents and everything else is bought by parents.
Its very tricky.
I don't think you can avoid appearing sanctimonious
And I don't think you can expect other people to do Christmas your way either.
I would start on the whole Xmas is not about gifts message right about now and explain he will get something carefully chosen and given with love. Lots of my DC's friends get a lot more than we choose to/can afford to give, and that is how we have handled it.
spooky I can totally understand, though it's really just about sheer volume rather than the cost with us. . Its alot about quantity for them.. kids have no idea of £ value either.
I think an email might be a good idea actually!
will go talk to dh.
yes to santa brings stockings. I need to make a decision re all this, this year. I suspect dc will start asking questions!
I think I would be fine with it if things were a little out of kilter, but if as you say your DS will receive ten gifts and the other DC will receive a hundred...then I think that is just too much disparity.
I don't think you can demand the other parents reduce their gift giving. So I think I would quietly back out. Make an excuse. Don't offend anyone.
Otherwise I forsee issues on Xmas day.
I think your son just has to learn that some people have more and others less. It's a life lesson.
Can you show him some images of children with huge Xmas piles and then a poverty stricken Xmas day for other children. In the big scheme if things he will be receiving a lot more then others in other countries. Use images to start a discussion before the event
TBH, it might be too late to get them to change things this year. They will probably have bought basketloads already.
If I was them it would piss me off no end if my (nonexistent) sister in law asked me to give my kids less because she was giving hers less so were I you I would be careful about that email.
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