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I think I may be - I am open to being told so anyway..... bitupset

(29 Posts)
JesuslovesmethisIknow Mon 11-Nov-13 18:16:18

My 3 DC started a new school today.

DC3 teacher when seeing out the kids to the playground told us briefly in twenty seconds how dc3 did (fine). DC2 teacher did the same (also fine). Great.

Before this though, whilst the playground was empty and I was waiting for DC 1 to appear (older) - a lady walked towards me as I was sitting on a bench. I presumed she was a teacher as she was dressed as one and heading from one building to another. I smiled, no smile back - thats fine people are busy. Another woman then met her coming from the opposite direction and they started discussing a child 'covertly (ish)' LITERALLY one foot in front of where I was sitting (in an otherwise deserted playground - I was way early). I felt uncomfortable as I thought 'hang on I am literally right behind you guys'. In truth, I thought 'that is not very professional'. I then heard my ds name sad and some derogatory comment from one to the other like 'I tested his reading (I was told they would do this today so I thought hang on you ARE talking about my dc1). The second woman said his reading was X age and then some whispers and then a word like 'interesting' but in a scathing way. The blonde woman replied something equally as unimpressed. I was [shocked].

Both then went on their way then but i feel very uncomfortable having been exposed to their chat :/

When dc 1 came out of school I greeted him (he was fine). I did not see a teacher and thought eek what should I do.... so I popped my head round his classroom door (he took me back in) and the blonde woman was there. He said that is my teacher. She was obviously busy and clearing the class room now the class was gone. She was not coming out and I did not want to appear pushy and barge in so I didn't but I feel a bit meh about the experience with this teacher.

I actually feel a bit P'd off and am not sure why.

My first day nerves?

<please be gentle>

HarrietSchulenberg Mon 11-Nov-13 19:05:34

Couple of things:

Did they actually name your ds (first and surname) or does he have a particularly unusual name that made him uniquely identifiable? If so, then yes, they were out of order but if not then they haven't actually specifically identified your child so have not really been unprofessional.

How early were you? You say the playground was deserted so it sounds like you really were very early, and it might be that you actually should not have been on school property at that time. Ds2's school keeps the gates locked until just before letting out time, and Ds3's school regularly reminds parents that they shouldn't be in the playground until 10 minutes before pick up. If they didn't actually know you they really should have challenged you as you could have been a complete stranger - in fact I'd find the lack of challenge more worrying than the outdoor discussion.

JesuslovesmethisIknow Mon 11-Nov-13 19:05:24

youre right.

no complaint. I was just feeling bothered. Not so now. feel better having even discussed it on here....

Thank you !

WooWooOwl Mon 11-Nov-13 18:59:47

How old is your ds? If he's Y3 or above, I wouldn't expect anyone to come out and talk to you.

The teachers were wrong for letting anyone overhear their conversation, but I wouldn't go in with a complaint just yet. It will not do you or your children any favours.

BackforGood Mon 11-Nov-13 18:54:39

What monica and soapboxqueen said.
Because, although it was unfortunate you heard them talking about ds, what they actually said wasn't derogatory or anything - I don't think you will be building strong relationships with the new school if you go complaining to the HT on the first day.
I think the coming out of school issue is not related. You've not given his age, but it's likely he was in the Junior school if he's the eldest of 3 at school, so, no, I wouldn't expect the teacher to have to accompany him out. Juniors walk out to their parents on their own in all schools I've had anything to do with.

soapboxqueen Mon 11-Nov-13 18:43:40

Actually when the teacher does talk to you about the reading results could you say 'Oh I did wonder if it was ds you were talking about yesterday when I was waiting in the yard for him. Can't be many children that have just started' Big smile.

That way you have put the shot across the bow eg I know you were talking openly about my ds's results, without getting their backs up that a complaint was made.

Just a thought.

BalloonSlayer Mon 11-Nov-13 18:40:42

If he is the oldest of 3, isn't he in the juniors?

Round here the juniors are just let loose, it's only the infants that are handed over to a known adult.

This also means that the infant teachers are the only ones you get a chance to talk to at the end of the day.

float62 Mon 11-Nov-13 18:40:32

Teachers gossip, fact. Teachers can be quite derisory about dc and parents, fact. What they don't like is it pointing out because they like to think that as 'professionals' they don't do either. When his teacher gives you his reading age tomorrow respond with "I already know thanks, I heard you discussing gossiping about it in the playground yesterday."

monicalewinski Mon 11-Nov-13 18:38:54

Hi, my boys are on their 3rd school now (forces) and they have done both Scottish and English schools. My eldest dropped behind in maths because the 2nd school refused to let him use the methods he had been taught already and my youngest dropped back with reading due to confidence issues (got a bit bullied at the 2nd school).

The teachers should definitely not have been talking about pupils within earshot of other people and this is wrong, but in your situation I would probably let it slide this one time. I say this because it is more important for your children to have the easiest start they can in their new school and causing ructions regarding staff or making a complaint at this stage could maybe see you viewed as 'problem parent'.

I would use what you have heard to advantage, ie speak to his teacher about how she thinks his levels are and if she has identified any shortfalls (even though you already know she has - just don't let on that you do), then get a plan together with her re addressing any identified gaps.

Obviously if a situation that like occurred another time I would make a complaint, but I would personally let this one go (if it were me).

I hope that all 3 fit in quickly to their new school and enjoy it, thanks

JesuslovesmethisIknow Mon 11-Nov-13 18:36:57

no she was his teacher. and it was the end of the school day.

soapboxqueen Mon 11-Nov-13 18:36:44

I think there are two issues here. I think the fact that the conversation was over heard should be raised with the head as it has obviously upset you and they should not be talking about a child where it could be over heard. I think the exception would be if the conversation room place where they could reasonably exist to be private. Obviously the yard is not one of those places.

In all honesty your description of the language used does not sound terrible. Maybe his scores were interesting. Maybe they have had scores through from your last school and they bare no relation to what they have discovered. Maybe they were being facetious about another member of staff. Staff need to be honest with each other for the benefit of the children and unless they were calling children names I would be more concerned with talking openly in public.

JesuslovesmethisIknow Mon 11-Nov-13 18:36:14

dc 1 has mild special needs stardust and his past report showed this (it was given to them today so they will have seen it).

It was their slightly negative tones/body language that made me think 'oh crap' tbh - not so much what they said but how they said it type thing. I am not good with words.

So is it odd the new teacher did not come out atall? I just took it as standard tbh that it would happen on the first day (then yearly at parents evening) ?

ReluctantBeing Mon 11-Nov-13 18:33:32

As it wasn't quite the end of school (From the sounds of. It), it probably wasn't a teacher, but a TA.

JesuslovesmethisIknow Mon 11-Nov-13 18:33:22

I think I will ask for a quiet word with the head tomorrow when I drop them off and just be really honest with him about how this has tainted my experience of the first day.

stardusty5 Mon 11-Nov-13 18:32:30

I would certainly hope that it is something along those lines rather than them being rude about your son personally!

Either way, as others have said they should not be discussing things like this within earshot.

ReluctantBeing Mon 11-Nov-13 18:32:18

Yes, they were exceptionally unprofessional. I think you should complain to the head.

JesuslovesmethisIknow Mon 11-Nov-13 18:30:24

I am concerned about making my dc1 life harder tho if I P off the teacher from the off set but I am actually upset.

JesuslovesmethisIknow Mon 11-Nov-13 18:29:38

I am glad it is not just me that found it weird that no one checked he got out ok confused or with whom he left.

Frostedloop Mon 11-Nov-13 18:28:44

Complain to the head, that information is confidential and its deeply unprofessional to do that.

JesuslovesmethisIknow Mon 11-Nov-13 18:28:19

stardusty, you may be right. He had a lower reading age (if it was him they were discussing) than he had been put down for on his last report...
so maybe you are right.

I will see tomorrow when I get to hear his reading age according to the new school. Not that I give a feck about reading age tbh - his happiness is my priority but if it is the same figure as I overheard I can be certain that what I heard was about my dc.

bundaberg Mon 11-Nov-13 18:28:07

yeah i would speak with the head too, and also mention that no-one was there to ensure you collected him... that's not really on

Balaboosta Mon 11-Nov-13 18:26:49

I once overheard something like this. A teachers meeting in which senco announced "okay, so we agree that we can cope with mini-boosta". I was like - wtf? - cope?!
Okay, so he does have special needs! But it was an odd experience so I sympathise!

farrowandbawl Mon 11-Nov-13 18:26:06

A complaint to the head needs to be made.

JesuslovesmethisIknow Mon 11-Nov-13 18:25:10

no I was too shocked. I did not let her know who I was. at that point.

I was a bit hmm that I collected him without anyone witnessing me doing so either tbh. I could have been anyone no? :/

stardusty5 Mon 11-Nov-13 18:25:00

Its very unprofessional and I do think that you could easily bring it up very politely. I'd be mortified.

I may be way off, but were they definitely being rude about your son? What i mean is, some schools can be more (shall we say) 'generous' than others when testing. Could it be that his data says he should be X reading age when actually he isnt as strong? I have known this been a bone of contention between schools before and may explain the bitchy attitude?

JesuslovesmethisIknow Mon 11-Nov-13 18:23:51

Thanks try. I feel disproportionately upset about it tbh.

When he was let out of school I have to be honest I was expecting a 20 second feedback as it was his very first day? was that reasonable to expect?

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