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To wonder if posters who are totally convinced they are right...

(41 Posts)
Mrsmorton Mon 11-Nov-13 13:29:19

...expect people to stop and say "you know what, you're right, can we lock this thread now because we've got our answer"?

Some people are so totally opinionated that I wonder why they are even on a discussion forum because they only get irritated and insulting when their statement opinion is questioned?

My husband does this sometimes and it annoys me to distraction.

What's so wrong with being able to see things from someone else's point of view? A bit of debate? A bit of questioning? Instead it's just "bollocks, that's wrong".

AIBU to think we can all learn something from everyone around us if only we open out eyes and ears?

Tee2072 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:31:58

Thread about a thread?

So you always take on board and don't stand by your opinion?


DeepThought Mon 11-Nov-13 13:34:37

<pictures opening out eyes>

<feels faint>

Mrsmorton Mon 11-Nov-13 13:34:40

I have very strong opinions but I'm always prepared to listen to other opinions rather than dismiss anyone else's experience/research/voice as bollocks.

I would rather learn about why people feel the way they do than just metaphorically put my fingers in my ears and shout lalalala I'm not listening.

Mrsmorton Mon 11-Nov-13 13:35:44

Oops, typo. Opening our eyes.

<lays deep thought down and raises legs>

happydaze77 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:35:48

YANBU to expect people to listen to other peoples' opinions. As you say: what's the point of them asking a question if they only want one answer?!

I suppose most people are looking for reassurance that they ANBU, and so are bound to be more appreciative of those who agree with them.

Are you referring to any thread in particular? (just being nosy)

MaidOfStars Mon 11-Nov-13 13:37:50

YANBU to imagine that listening and taking on board a spectrum of opinions is the best way to proceed in real life.

YABU to imagine that this would also happen on the internet smile

pianodoodle Mon 11-Nov-13 13:39:56


Pianodoodle has spoken you may lock the thread now smile

Mignonette Mon 11-Nov-13 13:44:07

I have very strong opinions like many but I have changed the way I think about issues and have been happy to acknowledge this both on thread and via PM. I don't have a problem with it.

I don't think it is that rare. Maybe acknowledging it is, I don't know.

The eloquent people on here who post from their own experience stand out.

CailinDana Mon 11-Nov-13 13:47:27

I admire people who can say "you know what, you're right." I've seen it happen a fair few times on MN. A poster on a smacking thread (whixh are always heated) who defended smacking eventhally said they could see the anti-smacking point of view and that they would try not to do it anymore. It takes a lot of character I think to admit mistakes, particularly parenting ones, and change your point of view. People tend to see a challenge to their views as a challenge to them as a person and so defend the views even in the face of credible argument against them.

Mignonette Mon 11-Nov-13 13:52:29

Yes it is hard to acknowledge a change of heart in parenting because it is not just your own parenting that you have to question but that of family too if you are using similar methods to parents/grandparents that were much respected.

I used to be a little sod for not backing down (because of how I was raised funnily enough smile) but over the last fifteen years or so I have managed to get past that although it was hard.

CoteDAzur Mon 11-Nov-13 13:54:55

It depends. Some things are pure opinion and others are pure fact. Most of what we talk about here will be a mix of the two.

Unless you are talking about your favourite colour etc, most "opinion" will be based on "facts" that can be wrong.

Joysmum Mon 11-Nov-13 14:00:17

I love a proper debate. One of my great passions in life is my ponies. I've gone through a whole cycle of being so convinced one way is right, only to do things differently. I tend to try to post the process I've gone through to get to where I am which can make me seen indecisive. Better to change your mind and be right, than to not change your mind and be wrong.

I also believe so much of the debates are based on semantics of how something has been written, less about the issue itself.

Whatever the reasons though, we must all be getting something out of it otherwise we'd not be on here.

CailinDana Mon 11-Nov-13 14:08:20

The relationships topic isn't generally a place for debate.
I do agree thought that at times debates can descend into arguments over semantics. That's partly due to people lacking logic skills and partly due to people being stubborn and disingenuous. It's frustrating but to be expected really.

CailinDana Mon 11-Nov-13 14:12:47

Oops got two threads mixed up. Disregard the first sentence of my last post. The rest makes vague sense.

Bettercallsaul1 Mon 11-Nov-13 14:57:21

I think the reason that OP s - and everyone else! -generally never change their mind, is that our discussions/arguments are emotion-based. Our reaction to any situaton is first through our feelings, which we then try to defend with logic and rationality. People don't change their mind over an issue because they don't want to!

Bettercallsaul1 Mon 11-Nov-13 14:58:50

Sorry - "situation".

thistlelicker Mon 11-Nov-13 15:00:51

Nothing worse than going on an aibu and the majority tell the op they are yet they still argue/dispute/dont like what they are told

Bettercallsaul1 Mon 11-Nov-13 15:11:10

If we don't want to change our position, no amount of rational argument to the contrary is going to convince us!

moldingsunbeams Mon 11-Nov-13 15:12:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect Mon 11-Nov-13 15:15:58

I am always right though

Tee2072 Mon 11-Nov-13 15:19:58

And when usual isn't right, I am.

knickernicker Mon 11-Nov-13 15:20:01

Even if people disagree with me, I know that Miranda is not funny.

Geckos48 Mon 11-Nov-13 15:26:22

I think it depends.

I think that debate is good and productive but I think that if you are debating a topic you are passionate about, the likelihood is that you have done enough research and have had enough conversations to have a pretty firm view on it.

I have had excellent debates with people who think differently to me and not had to assume that they or I will change our opinion on what we are debating.

I think that debate is something we should focus on more in education, teaching people to understand how to take a point of view for what it is, rather than a personal attack.

I have utmost respect for those who debate their opinion well and fluently without changing it but little respect for those who take everything as a personal attack or turn everything into something personal.

The point of debate should be to argue your own point, not change someone else's mind... In a nutshell.

fromparistoberlin Mon 11-Nov-13 15:26:48

I get very surpised by quite how opinionated people are and how rude they can be

I have backed down a fair few times on here, but rarely see others do it

Frankly alot of them just want a big old ruck, not a debate, an argument

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