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AIBU to assume that the majority of people in the relationships forum...

(58 Posts)
Joysmum Mon 11-Nov-13 09:26:48

...are there because they have had (and are still hurting from), or are in the middle of, unhappy relationships?

MistAllChuckingFrighty Mon 11-Nov-13 13:33:58

< approving nod >

Geckos48 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:34:24

YABU, I have posted in the relationships forum while upset about aspects of my otherwise healthy and happy relationship.

MadBusLady Mon 11-Nov-13 13:38:10

Oh good, another one of these.

Grennie Mon 11-Nov-13 13:38:34

YABU. I am in a very happy relationship and sometimes comment in the relationships board.

ABitterPIL Mon 11-Nov-13 13:39:29

I am yet to meet a person who hasn't had ups and downs in any relationship, platonic, familial or otherwise.

As the very very vast majority of people have experienced downs in a relationship, the very vast majority of the people on the relationship would have experience too. It is a non question.

Joysmum Mon 11-Nov-13 13:46:21

Cailindana I will if I think of something specific I will.

I guess it's just that I think it's natural for those going through something to be more sensitive to it than those who aren't and when combined with people who may be feeling very sensitive and vulnerable this could be quite damaging.

Take something simply like a headache, a migraine sufferer will be wondering if their friend might be developing migraines, those who have lost loved ones through brain tumours are worried about ruling that out, others with sleep issues may think there's a chance of a night time bump on the head, as a glasses wearer I may think its time for another eye test. There's many reason why and our experiences shape us to think mainly of the ones that have been most relevant to us in our lives.

I picked the relationships forum specifically because it something I can relate to that includes vulnerable people, people who see their thread getting caught up with members more interested in fighting amongst each other and forgetting the original question.

I've had too much time on my hands recently and one thing I've found very interesting is to catch up on older long threads before I began lurking and to read only the posts written by the original poster, then to read everything. It's amazing how different my perspective is when I'm swayed by the thoughts of other members. Again, I should point out it's not me looking for a fight, just something I find fascinating.

AnandaTimeIn Mon 11-Nov-13 13:56:57

if you have lots of relationships experience, you haven't been that successful.

It really depends on your definition of successful.

Mine is being able to live independently, live the life I want to and if someone comes along to compliment that, great. If not, no problem.

EdithWeston Mon 11-Nov-13 13:57:17

I think YABU, but I see where you're coming from.

I think you are assuming that all regular posters on Relationshios threads deliberately hang out in at forum. Now, some might, but others (like me) use MN from Active Convos and click on threads from any forum that catch our eye at that moment.

Also, I don't think you need to have a particular background from your own relationships to spot issues in someone else's posts (which may or may not be presenting the whole story anyhow).

I think there is a level of commonality of advice - not as black and white as portrayed by detractors (I don't mean you, OP, but it's something that crops up occasionally), but based on a couple of things: the majority demographic of posters who are in LTRs that are meant to be monogamous; and the general concept that Michelle Obama summed up as "good relationships don't hurt"

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