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To text DHs friend??..

(135 Posts)
Worrieddd Mon 11-Nov-13 00:13:42

Need some advice ladies.

DH has been out on the piss all day. He rarely goes out, infact probably 5 times a year but when he does he does the whole hog and gets absolutely annihilated. I fucking hate it but bite my tongue. Every time it's the same he goes out, and at some point stops texting or answering his phone.

So this morning he left at 9am - text me at 3ish to say he was in a pub. I haven't heard from him since! I'm so bloody annoyed and worried. The thing is he does this every year, every Remembrance Sunday. Last year he lost all his mates and got kicked out of the bar. The year before I found him wandering the streets absolutely smashed. He's always supposed to ring me to pick him up but never does.

So today I have got so angry at him not answering the phone that I've grabbed my parents house keys (they are on holiday) and come to theirs, it's in another town 50mins away.

I guess it's to teach him a lesson. I want him to get home and wonder where the fuck I am and be worried like I am freaking out about now , I also know that when he finally turns up we will have a massive argument and well I don't want to see him in the state he is going to be in.

However I am also worried sick. What if something has happened to him? I know he's got form but what if one time something has happened? argh, shall I text his mate and ask if they're all together? I don't know what to do. One part of me is just to sod it and leave him to fester and when he gets home will be wondering where I am??

Help sad

xCupidStuntx Mon 11-Nov-13 00:21:29

I've texted the friend before and the general consensus was that it made me look a bit controlling (same story, he rarely went out so his friends couldn't understand why I was concerned) and it made things a little awkward between me and the friend who I've known for a long time.

Worrieddd Mon 11-Nov-13 00:23:42

Oh bloody hell. I've just texted him.

Why do they put us through this it really pisses me off

Worrieddd Mon 11-Nov-13 00:24:36

I just want to know that he is ok then carry on being angry with him hmm

Bunbaker Mon 11-Nov-13 00:26:36

He is an arse.

AgentZigzag Mon 11-Nov-13 00:27:54

Because he's got form for it you have to step away from the phone!

It's very unlikely something has happened to him, and if something has, someone will make contact with you.

You know he gets arseholed, you know he doesn't text, but you still get into an argument with him when he comes back drunk, as you knew he would. Can't really understand why you'd do that. Is that why he doesn't answer the phone, not because he's doing it to annoy you but because he knows he's going to get grief?

If he's not got work and can recover tomorrow, let him get on with it.

NancyOsbourne Mon 11-Nov-13 00:31:09

It's hard but I would try not to text as this is not out of character.

Maybe just sit tight until he contacts you.

AgentZigzag Mon 11-Nov-13 00:32:08

Not sure I can say this without sounding harsh, but you're kind of putting yourself though this, not him.

He's just made a choice as an adult to go out.

I don't normally think this about threads either, but why ask whether to text and then text 10 mins later after only one answer?

runningonwillpower Mon 11-Nov-13 00:34:14

Yup, he's an arse.

But is punishing an arse whilst he's drunk the best tactic?

Will he even know he's being punished?

Sounds like you are the one who is going through torture right now.

Isn't this best talked through when he's sober and you are not furious?

Worrieddd Mon 11-Nov-13 00:34:42

Just got a reply:

'Hi Worrieddd, yea he's fine and with us guys, don't worry lol xx'

So now I look like a controlling bitch. Eeeeeeh

To be fair agent I don't really give him grief, we made a deal I don't text him but he has to tell me where he is, is that not fair? I keep my end of the bargain but he never does. Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

Why can his mate answer his phone but my DH can't?

I also know he's gonna get home and piss in the bed but that's another thread... angry

I will carry on being angry now. I ironed all his shirts for work tomorrow for the first time as well. Hope he has a hellish hangover

Worrieddd Mon 11-Nov-13 00:36:44

And yes you're right I am the one punishing myself I should just let it go.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 11-Nov-13 00:41:08

Any reason this happens on Remembrance Day? I'm just thinking he might have a reason he gets this pissed today. sad

Worrieddd Mon 11-Nov-13 00:42:49

He's in the Army Terry. Just something they all do after parading etc.

Which is fine as long I know he is ok and not been gang raped down a back alley or sommat.

AgentZigzag Mon 11-Nov-13 00:44:23

Because he gets so pissed I can see where you're coming from with him texting you, but if DH told me the only way I was allowed out without him text hassling me was to keep telling him where I was, I'd be telling him where to get off.

I was thinking you'd give him grief because you said you have massive arguments with him when he got back as you didn't like seeing him drunk. So with the before going out grief and the getting home grief I just presumed there'd be when he was out grief too.

If he's pissing the bed though he should be sleeping in the bath/outside/in a body bag (to catch the piss not because of his untimely death of course grin).

runningonwillpower Mon 11-Nov-13 00:45:25

A man getting so drunk that he pisses the bed is not something you should let go.

But I would wait till he is home and sober before I took issue.

You can't reason with a drunk person.

AgentZigzag Mon 11-Nov-13 00:46:28

It's weird you say he's in the army now, because I was relieved that after reading ' Last year he lost all his mates' to read 'and got kicked out of the bar.'

AgentZigzag Mon 11-Nov-13 00:51:44

I'm glad he's OK though smile

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 11-Nov-13 01:13:28

Pissing the bed is not OK. When I worked in addiction it was a 'tick box' on the questions about whether someone had an alcohol problem.

However, today is a special case and can be terrifying for people in the military so some slack can be cut.

Rockinhippy Mon 11-Nov-13 01:41:48

I sorry I'm another that thinks you need to cut him some slack & sorry, but yes you do come across as controlling - I wouldn't dream of expecting updates as to where my own DH is when he's out on the piss - different if he's much later than promised of course, but that's not what you are saying here

he's a grown up that's letting his hair down & by your admission only does this a handful of times a year, you are the one treating him like a kid & worrying yourself as his mother would - stop it right now - it's not going to get you anywhere other than stressed & anxious - odds are he will be just fine & if he's not you would soon here about it - no news is good news & all that - you are being very OTT & I'm left wondering how the hell do you cope when he is deployed

Relax & enjoy some me time

Rockinhippy Mon 11-Nov-13 01:43:48

Just spotted the pissing the bed bit - if he cant behave himself when pissed - give him some old towels & make him sleep in the bath

whitesugar Mon 11-Nov-13 02:00:21

I agree with Mrs T, his behaviour is not great but it is a very special day for the forces and only happens once a year. You mention that he goes out and does this about 5 times a year. I go out with my friends an awful lot more than 5 times a year and end up pretty well on and get home late. Do you not think you are being unreasonable given that he only goes out 5 times a year. Pissing the bed is obviously not nice and he should be made sleep in spare room or bath or wherever! I think you are being very unreasonable and think you should cut him some slack on this occasion. If you are really worried and not just absolutely furious why have you travelled 50 miles away. If he does get into any bother you won't be there for him anyway.

MiniMonty Mon 11-Nov-13 02:33:35

YABVU (indeed)... Plus get over yourself.

He goes out a few times a year and gets wasted.
(woop di do)
By your own admission you absolutely knew in advance it would happen tonight and yet here you are all freaked out and bleating (about what) ?

Can't you plan ?
Couldn't you have set up a girls night on the same night?

What's your real problem with any of this anyway?
How are you are so angry at him for doing something which you absolutely knew he would do that you've slipped off to your parent's house just to freak him out.
That seems odd and vindictive (and pretty strange actually)...

Pissing the bed - that's never going to be good but see earlier - "Can't you plan"?

I think the word you've missed out from everything you've said so far is "JEALOUS".

Blah blah bleat...

Worrieddd Mon 11-Nov-13 03:07:04

Ok I have still heard from him and incredibly worried :-(

I guess the reason I'm so freaked out - we have had a tragic few months, our baby was stillborn recently.

This is his first proper night out since it has happened and well I was all over the place since the john lewis ad was on during X factor!

He was out yesterday, fine picked him up at 8pm, he was smashed had pizza went to bed. He went out this morning. He didn't tell me what time he was going to be and where he was going. I assumed it was going to be the same time as yesterday (8pm ish) seeing as he's at work first thing tomorrow. Last text I got was at 12:30pm (just checked) so have not heard from him for over 14 hours.

I just think it's common courtesy to let his wife know where he is and what he is up to especially as he didn't communicate this to me at all. It is disrespectful! I wouldn't do that to him?

The reason I left was I assumed he would be home and I was pissed off that he wasn't answering his phone at 22:45 - the reason I rang him in the first place was after reading this gulp. If you read further down, it freaks me out.

I just know that he will saunter in happy as Larry with not a thought about my worry. I don't want him to tell me where he is, who is with etc just that he is ok and maybe a time he is going to be home!

I am fine with him on deployment to whoever asked, or any other time he is away just not when he's drinking. Like I mentioned earlier he gets himself in a state, once he rang me as he was being chased by a load of blokes, another time he came home with a black eye cos he decided to go to someone randoms house party as he was walking home from town smashed. When on holiday he stays out drinking and I have found him asleep outside our room. Not to mention the wandering around town and last year getting kicked out of the club which he was mortified about and didn't tell me for ages!

I am absolutely not jealous hmm the last thing I want to be doing is going out drinking, trust me. The reason I left our home is because I wanted to avoid an argument and I wanted him to wander where I was! Yea maybe it is silly... But God forbid what if I really did need him for an emergency and he wasn't answering his phone?

Now it's 3am and yup I've made a rod for my own back cos I will probably drive home now for the worry, hope he's there as he's not answering his phone or anything.

Worrieddd Mon 11-Nov-13 03:15:00

Mini Monty you come across as a right prick


MollyHooper Mon 11-Nov-13 03:16:04

What plans are there to be made for pissing the bed?

Plastic sheets? Let him sleep in the garden?

Yes, I am sure she is green with envy, nothing better than getting so drunk you regress to potty training.

Such fun!

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