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To have reported this woman for harassment in the work place?

(127 Posts)
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Sun 10-Nov-13 19:27:07

Dh and I have not been married for long. I am protestant and he is Catholic. Most people were happy for us and didn't give a shit about the cultural differences between us, only cared that we were happy togther, which we most definitely are.

There is this one woman who I work with who is very against "mixed religion" relationships. She wouldn't come to our wedding because it was against her beliefs, and she told us so. Fine, that's her choice and doesn't really affect me.

When work colleagues congratulated me on our marriage she would roll her eyes, tut, raise her eyebrows and generally just behave like a bored toddler. Didn't bother me because I had more bloody important things to worry about that her childish behaviour.

On friday though, she said something that, in my opinion, was bang out of order and downright rude. Another colleague who I am very friendly was telling me about her daughter's christening that is coming up shortly. She was telling me all the details of it; lovely church, nice godparents etc, and I told her how lovely it all sounded. Other colleague, who wasn't even involved in our discussion asked me "How are you going to christen your ds if you are different religion?" I politely told her that we have decided not to christen our son and let him choose to do so himself when he is older, if that's what he wants. She then starts telling me that it was "evil to do this to ds as he needs to be saved" hmm

Cue me asking her what business is it off hers to judge how Dh and I raise our child, this was not appropriate and could she please stop. Only she wouldn't stop. She went as far to tell me that my marriage was "sinful"!

I can't believe someone say say such horrible, inappropriate things to someone else.

Was IU for reporting her to our manager for harassment? Ok, I know I wasn't but I still feel a bit "bad" for it.

KenDoddsDadsDog Wed 13-Nov-13 07:35:52

My DH is from close to Lurgan , had never seen Buckfast in a pub til I went there.
Jinsei , lots of people have moved on and stopped living in the past. Idiots everywhere sadly.

Littlegreyauditor Tue 12-Nov-13 22:20:59

Jeepers. I would suck spilled 9 day old beer out of a tea towel before I would risk mulled Buckfast. Each to their own I suppose grin

treaclesoda Tue 12-Nov-13 22:09:45

Littlegreyauditor I heard a rumour that they keep Buckfast in the fridge in the offies in Lurgan and they call it champagne wink

I once had a colleague from there who made mulled Buckie at Christmas grin

Littlegreyauditor Tue 12-Nov-13 11:45:56

Definitely keep a record of her behaviour OP, dates, times etc. I have a picture of her, it's very clear, and I bet she is exactly the sort of bosom hoiking, lemon sucking aul bastard who feels it is her god given right to proselytise to whomever she happens to encounter. She will make it her business to have another go at you. You will have to keep slapping her back into place until she learns (maybe).

I have worked with a couple. Once had to give official warnings to one who started a stand up row with a patient over the name of a city in the North West hmm.

Be pleasant, pass yourself, record everything.

As an aside, this : Buckfast? Are you from Lurgan? made me spit tea all over myself grin

LoveAndDeath Tue 12-Nov-13 10:23:06

Jinsei, the vast majority of people in NI are lovely. But it's like everywhere else, you will always get people in every community who don't like black people/catholics/ muslims etc.
The OP's colleague actually sounds a bit unhinged.

Jinsei Mon 11-Nov-13 22:35:13

What a sad thread. It's awful that people still think this way. sad My grandparents had a mixed Protestant/Catholic marriage, and they experienced a lot of prejudice in Liverpool, where they lived when they were young. However, I believe it's much better there now. Shame that NI and parts of Scotland haven't really moved on.

DH and I are also in a mixed marriage - I was brought up in a loosely Christian tradition (lapsed catholic mother and atheist father) and am now agnostic. DH grew up in a mixed Hindu/Sikh family. DD is learning about all faiths and will make her own decisions when she is older. I don't think our religious differences have ever been an issue for anyone!

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Mon 11-Nov-13 21:59:59

Sounds a bit odd for a "born again Christian" as well - they are normally in favour of believers baptism. Anyway, completely legalistic attitude which runs completely contrary to what I believe Jesus was all about.

CSIJanner Mon 11-Nov-13 21:40:13

So she's a BAC, yet harbours a grudge (Ephesians 4:31-32), judges (Matthew 7:1-2) and fell short on sharing out the lemon sherbets (Hebrews 13-14).

Yup - real Christian attitude there. Reminds me of my childhood with my white English father and my Asian mother getting bricks in the window and being spat at by people who later sat next to us in church. I would go further than call it harassment and start making notes of further prejudicial mutterings as unfortunately I doubt it will stop. Get yourself a diary and keep track as PP's have suggested.

TillyTotter1 Mon 11-Nov-13 21:00:04

Things like this make me ashamed to be from N.Ireland.

I was at a mixed Catholic/Protestant wedding a few moths ago and the grooms family all boycotted the ceremony

KatOD Mon 11-Nov-13 20:43:31

What a loon!!

Reckon it might be an idea to keep a record of everything she does, as a previous poster said it may take more than one warning for her to get the message...

FCEK Mon 11-Nov-13 20:24:36

wow I have just read this thread. There are still some people like this, my cousin is in a mixed religion marriage and she had problems with her inlaws.

Start writing down everything that is said/done.

Giving you the silent treatment/not giving you a sweetie, is that not victimisation or something?

Watch for her getting your colleagues on her side...I've experienced that.

ilovelymum Mon 11-Nov-13 20:21:24

I am protestant but I don't go to church that much and my neighbour is strongly catholic we got on fine until I told her I was christening my son a protestant too, she wouldn't talk to me look at me or even to the kids one day she refered to me as "the filth next door" this was to much I told her she was bang out of order and to stop .she did and we laugh about it now ,though since we moved I haven't bothered to keep in touch its still something I remember

you were right to do it

pianodoodle Mon 11-Nov-13 20:11:20

Glad they took it seriously!

Pathetic re: the silent treatment just shows how right she thinks she still is.

She sounds like the type who'll annoy someone else before too long as well...

Agree with making a note of anything else said!

Definitely the right thing to do to not rise to any nonsense. She's only making more of an arse of herself.

Well done smile

persimmon Mon 11-Nov-13 19:40:33

She sounds vile. Imagine if she was talking like this about a mixed race marriage. Bullying for sure.

KenDoddsDadsDog Mon 11-Nov-13 19:28:24

CraicDealer grin
Take her in some Tayto chocolate

TheCraicDealer Mon 11-Nov-13 19:11:25

Haha, you should've said, "if I'm going to hell like you say I am then not getting one of your sweets is the least of my fucking problems".

TheHeadlessLadyofCannock Mon 11-Nov-13 19:01:49

She's lucky indeed! I'd have had her guts for garters. You did the right thing reporting her, and I'm pleased that your manager was shocked.

The not offering you sweets thing is so beyond childish it's actually quite funny.

PumpkinPositive Mon 11-Nov-13 18:23:25

Sounds like certain elements of Glasgow. They could teach the Irish a thing or two about sectarianism.

I wouldn't engage further with her. Let management deal with her.

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Mon 11-Nov-13 18:16:26

Thanks pedant. I am not sure what was said to her or if it's going on her file, it's all kept confidential. But manager was truly shocked that she called my marriage sinful. What annoyed me was the fact that she involved my son in this prejudiced verbal attack.

There were many other things she said to me that I haven't listed her. Calling my marriage sinful was only he start if it. She also went as far to say that my son will
resent me and DH when he is older for not having him baptised and that it was the least I could do for him for splitting his life between two different religions hmm

She is lucky I didn't thwack her round the chops.

PedantMarina Mon 11-Nov-13 17:47:44

PS: colleague not speaking to you all day is a result in itself!

That flippancy aside, keep a diary. It may well take a few occasions before she's Well&Truly Telt.

How do the rest of your colleagues seem about this

Sorry if too many questions.

PedantMarina Mon 11-Nov-13 17:43:53

Thanks for the update, Henry. Well, I don't suppose any of us expected her to suddenly get a personality transplant.

Did the boss tell you what she said to colleague? Did she follow-up? Is it going on her record? Etc.

Mylovelyboy Mon 11-Nov-13 17:32:28

OP. Is she not the full shilling confused. Sounds awful. You tried to deal with her and it didnt work. You reported it and you were right to do so.

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Mon 11-Nov-13 17:28:51

Hi everyone thanks so much for all the support and opinions smile my boss was very shocked when I told her about what my colleague said and said she would speak to her today as it was totally unacceptable and verging on harassment.

Colleague was most certainly not happy. Didn't speak to me all day except when necessary. At lunch time she went round the table asking people if they would like one of her sweets, but stopped before she got to me hmm

A bit pathetic if you ask me. As if I care hmm

LittleBairn Mon 11-Nov-13 09:47:32

move my patents experienced exactly this situation in 80's Glasgow its sad this sort of crap is still happening.
My mums priest condemned me to hell as a baby, he could cope with my mum being a teenage unmarked mother living in sin but dear lord not my father being Protestant. And my maternal grandmother constantly undermining my catholic family use to it all too.

enormouse Mon 11-Nov-13 09:42:34

I've heard that joke anie but with Jedi.
I.e. 'yes but are you a Catholic jedi or a protestant jedi?'

I thought this sort of out of date thinking had died out but I had it happen to me and my DP at a party. There was a woman who kept snubbing us both, ignoring, giving dirty looks, refusing to sit near us etc. Later found out she was loudly catholic and disproved of DP and I being atheist (me - formerly sikh, him - C of I), having a mixed race child out of wedlock and not having any intention of christening him. Apparently she would only associate with other catholics which imo was extremely insulting to our hosts who were in a mixed catholic/protestant marriage.

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