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To want our house guest to leave in the morning when we do?

(115 Posts)
Melbourme Sun 10-Nov-13 10:44:04

Help solve a disagreement between me and DH. DH's brother is coming to stay with us overnight one day this week - he is mainly staying with us because we live somewhere that's convenient for the airport, but there is an element of coming to see us because he lives a long way away so we only see him a few times a year so this is a handy 'kills two birds with one stone' scenario. He will also be staying with us for the night when he returns in a few weeks time.

Just for context we all get on well but aren't close (that includes DH and his brother - no falling out, just not that close). The issue is that I want him to leave in the morning when we leave for work - at around 8.30am. DH feels that this is rude and we should let him stay in the flat for the day until he needs to leave for the airport. DH's brother would do whatever we asked him to.

My practical opposition is around double locking the door - but we could solve this by giving him a set of spare keys and him dropping them through the letter box of my sister's who lives a 5 minute walk away. My main reason though is that I just feel really uncomfortable with the idea of someone being in my flat when I'm not there. The flat is very small so it's not as though he'd just be hanging out downstairs like you would in a house. Our bedroom for example is a complete mess at the moment (and no time to tidy it before he comes) and I'd hate for him to have a nose and see it! If he left with us he would be able to go to various local cafes for a few hours, or has to go into central London to get the train to the airport anyway so could find stuff to do there etc. I get that it could be inconvenient though.

This may cause issues the next time he stays as well as that time I will be working from home, but I work in our sitting room and would find it really distracting to have him around during the day - as it's a one bed flat the only other place for him to go would be the tiny kitchen.

So, AIBU in not wanting him to stay in the flat after we've left for work?

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 10-Nov-13 10:45:49

I think YABU. Unless he's very nosy he won't go into your bedroom .

tethersend Sun 10-Nov-13 10:47:10

I see your point, but YABU overall.

He's not a stranger. I think it would be quite rude to chuck him out at 8.30 if he's got the whole day to kill.

Can you or DH take the morning off?

SilverApples Sun 10-Nov-13 10:47:48

Yes, I think you are.

MrsBungleScare Sun 10-Nov-13 10:47:56

Tbh I think it would be very rude of you to tell your bil to leave your house when you go to work. It's not at all hospitable.

FlashDrive Sun 10-Nov-13 10:48:32

YABU and rude

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 10-Nov-13 10:48:46

Honestly? You want him to kick his brother out? He wouldn't feel very welcome. Of course you shouldn't do that!

SavoyCabbage Sun 10-Nov-13 10:49:27

Yabu. I would think you were rude if I went to stay with my brother for one night and I was turfed out at 8.30. He's your husbands brother. Would you feel the same about someone in your family?

He's not going to go in your bedroom. He's going to watch the tv or similar. He's not going to think badly of you for having a messy home. At least not worse than he is if you boot him out.

SilverApples Sun 10-Nov-13 10:49:38

If you can't stand it, tell him before hand so that he has a choice of staying with friends or having a B&B. I'd be very unhappy if my OH treated a guest like that, and he is an antisocial grump.

MrsMinkBernardLundy Sun 10-Nov-13 10:50:27

I think YABU. Imagine how you would feel in his shoes.
Just say, sorry bedroom is a total tip, i would be so embarrassed if you saw it, but feel free to hang out for the day...or whatever.

notapizzaeater Sun 10-Nov-13 10:50:34

He's family, I'd not ask them to leave.

WhoNickedMyName Sun 10-Nov-13 10:51:23


I could understand if he only had an hour to kill, he could go to the airport early, but a whole day, no, that's rude.

ICameOnTheJitney Sun 10-Nov-13 10:52:04

He is family! YABVU!!

Crowler Sun 10-Nov-13 10:52:27

That's rude and would cause familial tension.

BehindLockNumberNine Sun 10-Nov-13 10:52:45

I think YABU.

Also, if you don't see DH's brother very often, could your DH take the day off? He could spend some time with his brother, perhaps take him to lunch on the way to the airport? It would mean a bit more time spent together AND it would mean the brother was not left in the flat on his own (and once they are out to lunch they won't be in the flat at all)

Chocotrekkie Sun 10-Nov-13 10:54:00

I would be quite upset tbh if my brother told me that I have to leave at 8:30 cause he doesn't trust me enough to leave me in his house.

Really what could he do - look at your messy bedroom ??

If you are working from home just ignore him and kind of "mmmm" noises if he talks to you. If he is a decent bloke he will leave you in peace anyway.

mousmous Sun 10-Nov-13 10:54:16

I would do the same. unless he could take the spare keys with him?
I wouln't have him put them through the letter box, thieves can use wires to fish for them.

deepfriedsage Sun 10-Nov-13 10:54:38

Take a work from home day so you can monitor him, and prevent him examining your knicker and bra drawer.

EirikurNoromaour Sun 10-Nov-13 10:55:12

YABU! Get a grip!

ZacharyQuack Sun 10-Nov-13 10:55:42

If he's going away for a few weeks, won't he have luggage? Do you expect him to lug bags around London all day after you turf him out at 8:30?

Ruprekt Sun 10-Nov-13 10:56:10


I would never do that to someone esp family.

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood Sun 10-Nov-13 10:58:21

I wouldn't ask family to leave (unless I really disliked them). ANyone else would be turfed out.

Selks Sun 10-Nov-13 10:59:07

I'd go and tidy your bedroom, if that is a source of anxiety for you, then let him stay as long as he likes. I think it's pretty unreasonable to ask him to leave when you do, and kind of sends the message that he can't be trusted.

JohnnyFontaneCannaeSing Sun 10-Nov-13 11:00:01

So you want to boot him out cause you've got a messy bedroom. Get a grip. Rude.

beals692 Sun 10-Nov-13 11:01:04

I'd feel uncomfortable with it too (especially about them forgetting to lock up properly) although if it was family I'd probably feel that I had to let them stay. Btw, how far is he travelling from? It just seems a bit odd that his reasons for visiting are:

a) because you are near the airport - but apparently his flight is very late in the day as he has to hang around London all day. (I live up north so if I had a morning or midday flight from Heathrow/Gatwick I'd travel down the night before but, if it was later in the day, I could easily travel down there the same day.)

b) because he's coming to visit you - but you'll actually be out at work most of the time so he'll mainly be 'visiting' your empty flat.

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