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Not going out to formal events because I genuinely can't fit appropriate clothes.

(76 Posts)
FlabbyFFF Sat 09-Nov-13 17:05:10

My DH has just told me I am ruining our social life and while I agree I genuinely cannot find dresses to fit me that are suitable.
I am desperately dieting after having 4 children in quick succession but my shape is alwful and am 3 sizes up from pre -pregnancies . I reckon about size 18 -20 because of stomach and arms need covering .
I have tried shopping so many times and it all ended in tears. It is the black tie, cocktail ball type things that I am so afraid of and it is his work crowd ( I am at home ) .
He doesn't get it at all and won't help shopping wise .

PasswordProtected Sat 09-Nov-13 20:01:19

Don't buy, hire!
Think 3/4 length sleeved top & wide pleated trousers in crepe or similar.

bimbabirba Sat 09-Nov-13 20:04:49

Boden ship everywhere and they go up to large sizes

hamdangle Sat 09-Nov-13 20:46:43

I absolutely swear by the pretty dress company. Their dresses are made of this really stiff stretch material that hold everything in and makes you look and feel like a million dollars. They look like they might be unforgiving but they seem to mask everything especially if you get one of the floral ones

I swear that they are worth every single penny!

Caitlin17 Sat 09-Nov-13 20:56:15

hamdangle very nice, I hadn't heard of them.

travailtotravel Sat 09-Nov-13 21:24:30

OMG I am sorry if this has already been said but I don't think the problem here is your dress size, it's your DH. If he loved and complimented you you'd feel more confident for a start.

I am a 22, my DH married me at a 16. He often tells me I look nice (he's Mr Descriptive, what can I say) even when I feel shite. Any negativity has me spiralling for the biccies.

Now, lots of places ship and ebay could be your friend as could a local seamstress. Get ordering! So long as he is paying.

travailtotravel Sat 09-Nov-13 21:35:44

To be helpful, these dresses are amazing:

I cannot normal wear dresses as I look awful in them but I have 4 of these little puppies. Bang on some heels and bling and bingo off you go - comfy, flattering and sassy.

VikingLady Sat 09-Nov-13 23:02:57

What exactly has his body gone through in giving you 4 children? Exactly. He's not really entitles to express a negative opinion. And a 14 isn't big - it's less than the UK average! Are you somewhere full of very thin people? I had a friend move the Malaysia for a year and she said it was incredibly depressing to go into shop after shop and find they stocked nothing over a 10.....

Practically, empire line (seam under the bust). It skims the tummy and you can't tell if there is an overhang. Patterns or beading/lace help disguise any underwear/shapewear lines.

Good luck grin

VikingLady Sat 09-Nov-13 23:05:49

Sorry - mis-read, 18 not 14. Still only the average though.

PomBearWithAnOFRS Sat 09-Nov-13 23:12:28

I am WAY bigger than you OP and I can find clothes - try Holy Clothing here- they ship from India even though they're a US company so delivery to Europe tends to be pretty fast, and their things are all cotton so if you're somewhere warm they would be ideal.
Try palazzo pants instead of skirts or dresses too - I find them much nicer and more comfy to wear, especially when it is warm my fat legs chafe in skirts sad I got several pairs from eBay this summer, including a pair of posh Evans "Praslin" ones and they were much cheaper than in the shops and again, mail order so no faffing about trailing round the shops and searching for things grin
I love online shopping grin

Charlesroi Sat 09-Nov-13 23:13:33

If you've got the money go somewhere that does personal shoppers. They'll find you an outfit or two you'll look fab in.

duckyfuzz Sat 09-Nov-13 23:22:58

House of Fraser have some fab stuff in at the mo, like this

manicinsomniac Sat 09-Nov-13 23:38:38

I can understand how you feel. It isn't necessarily about your size though. As others have said it's a confidence thing. I've stayed in and missed through feeling fat while actually being very underweight in the past - actually weight and size was irrelevant, it was the feeling. Not feeling comfortable in your own skin is a horrible feeling and I really sympathise.

I also sympathise with your husband though. If you don't get those crushing feelings of self consciousness and loathing about what you look like in certain clothing it's hard to empathise with those who do. And it's gutting to miss out on a social event you are looking forward to (as someone who has never been in a relationship I'd say he could go alone but understand most couples prefer to go to places together). I can easily imagine accusing someone else of 'ruining my social life' in the heat of the moment.

Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

DifferenceEngine Sat 09-Nov-13 23:48:23

Your problem is absolutely NOT your dress size.

I am a skinny runt, and frankly as far as evening wear is concerned I think the bigger sizes win hands down. You lot seem to have proper boobs and bum to put in a dress where as I just seem to look like a pipe cleaner person. ( hate my boobless pigeon chest)

I feel so .... Well, ..... Insignificant next to a well turned out curvy woman

It seems that ther is a confidence issue, partly in your head and partly dependent on finding something that suits. but trust me.

Once you find that outfit, you will ROCK! And I think the wise mnetters will sort the outfit out for you.

PomBearWithAnOFRS Sun 10-Nov-13 00:02:14

Another thing I just randomly thought of grin (and have no idea if anyone else has already said it) - could you invest in some really good underwear? Like Rigby and Peller or somewhere - get it fitted (or ask here on MN for the "Bra Intervention Ladies" to do their thing) and get some really good "support pants" or whatever they're called. Not because there is anything at ALL wrong with how you look, but because with the right underwear for a dress/outfit, it will look even better and you can have confidence in your appearance. Like others have said, when you know you look good, and you feel good, you will look amazing - confidence shows through, and if you are comfortable, and just know you look good, it will carry you through and you will be fine.

travailtotravel Sun 10-Nov-13 12:14:34

How are you, OP - overwhelmed?!

Flossyfloof Sun 10-Nov-13 13:06:58

Ooh Pombear, that is a nice site! Flabs, I can just see you in some of those things. Proper undies first though and I think maybe you should change your username.

Financeprincess Sun 10-Nov-13 14:26:20

Sorry to hear that your confidence is low, OP. 18-20 is really not that big. You can look gorgeous if you follow some of the other posters' suggestions. Try not to be too hard on your DH; he probably wishes that you and he could go out together more and thinks that you look just fine! Your post didn't suggest that he'd said that your size was ruining your social life, rather that he was sad that you didn't want to go to any formal parties.

And, like Difference Engine, I can only dream of having a knockout cleavage that would look gorgeous in an evening dress. Make the most of yours!!

pointyfangs Sun 10-Nov-13 15:29:48

I really love that site, Pom - I just wish they're do lengths up to 60" so that us tall and curvy people can benefit too. This is the problem I nearly always have, people assume that if you're tall (I'm 5'11'') you must therefore not be big. Very annoying as I love proper maxi dresses and find them very hard to come by. Long Tall Sally just doesn't do the sort of styles and fabrics I like.

OP, this is really about your confidence - 18/20 isn't that big at all, head out online and you will find something fabulous.

KnitFastDieWarm Sun 10-Nov-13 15:56:35

I also think this goes deeper than just one dress. it's about the cognitive dissonance we feel when we lose or gain weight.
i could stand to lose a few stone (and am in the process of doing so) and I know the feeling of trying to reconcile the smaller size you remember being with the bigger size you see in the mirror!
the thing to bear in mind is 'how can I look the best I can NOW?' if you want to, you'll lose the weight - but don't wait until then to look the best you can. I say to myself 'no, I'm not as slim as I used to be, but you know what? I'm going to be the hottest, most glam, most interesting woman of my size at this party!'
if you want to lose the weight, you will. until then, lippy on, nails done, hair blow dried, and tits out ;-p

Weegiemum Sun 10-Nov-13 16:12:48

I'm larger than you,OP, and recently found SimplyBe, it's great. Marisota too.

I need to wear maxi as I've got an illness which has scarred my legs badly and I get swollen ankles, and I've no sense of balance so heels are right out.

My brother recently got married and I wore This dress - lovely, I've never felt quite so glam!

Weegiemum Sun 10-Nov-13 16:14:39

Except mine was red!

ZillionChocolate Sun 10-Nov-13 19:49:51

Asos curve might also be worth a look.

In the UK, I'll order 10+ dresses online expecting to return 8-9. Just find somewhere with reasonable postage/returns to your country.

FlabbyFFF Mon 11-Nov-13 12:47:16

Girls you have given me great advice and opened my eyes to online outlets I never knew existed.
We are in Azerbaijan (crap expat posting) and unfortunately postage is limited.
I think I am going to try the tailors with a few styles lifted off the web.
But thank you lots for making me feel better . I have not shopped plus sized before so you have really really helped.

newfavouritething Mon 11-Nov-13 13:11:11

Sorry, posting in a hurry so not had time to read the replies, but have you tried Monsoon dresses on ebay? I'm 20/22 and buy a few to try, wear one then re-sell. So far have broken even so 'new' dresses for events for no money.

EldritchCleavage Mon 11-Nov-13 14:08:46

Tell your DH to stop whingeing and be supportive. He can stump up a good budget for a dress maker, personal trainer or anything else you feel would help you, refrain from being unkind and make sure he doesn't just leave you alone to be miserable when you do go out.

Try Marina Rinaldi online for ideas for clothes, they're a great make.

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