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To be sick of my friends arrogance

(97 Posts)
NancyShrew Thu 07-Nov-13 12:17:10

I have a fairly good friend who is convinced that everyone fancies her, to the point where another friend was talking about introducing her new boyfriend and she said "oh but what if he fancies me, that will be awkward!", which I thought was a completely inappropriate thing to say.

In actual fact the boyfriend in question (and indeed other men) have made joking but derogatory comments about the friends appearance beforehand - not exactly giving the impression they fancy her, but I've always totally and utterly defended her, said she's gorgeous etc.

It's just getting a bit wearing, particularly when she tells me I need to dress more like her, lose weight, change my hair etc. I'm no oil painting but I do think I can hold my own, I get the odd bit of male attention/compliments from strangers etc.

I do love her and in my eyes she's beautiful and I'm sure there are a lot of people who think that too, but AIBU to be fed up of being constantly told how many people fancy her and how I should be more like her?

Purple2012 Thu 07-Nov-13 12:20:41

Yanbu. That is arrogance not just confidence. It would drive me mad.

Wossname Thu 07-Nov-13 12:21:52

I would find that quite funny smile

thebody Thu 07-Nov-13 12:22:45

she sounds a peach and very funny to have around. I would take the piss out of her continually.

why are you telling people she is gorgeous though? but wierd that. if she's so arrogant why are you adding to her ego?

Corygal Thu 07-Nov-13 12:23:33

She sounds a bit loopy - arrogant people often are.

thebody Thu 07-Nov-13 12:24:10

oh and if she tells you to loose weight and dress like her hoot loudly and say 'don't fucking think so love'

stop those doormat ways!

MillicentTendancies Thu 07-Nov-13 12:26:37

It's just getting a bit wearing, particularly when she tells me I need to dress more like her, lose weight, change my hair etc. - erm wtf?

She sounds like a massive tool. I would dump her like toxic waste.

NancyShrew Thu 07-Nov-13 12:27:23

It's not so funny when she's picking at my confidence and making out nobody fancies me! I do rise above it but it is beginning to grate a little.

I tell people she's gorgeous because I'm her friend and don't want to slag her off or join in the bitching!

I will add I don't think it stems from being insecure at all.

SoleSorceress Thu 07-Nov-13 12:30:32

Yoy fancy me too Nancy.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Thu 07-Nov-13 12:33:21

I had a friend like this, she told everyone my husband fancied her, her bil fancied her, my stepsons fancied her, she wasn't able to leave her house without men eyeing her up, she thought she was gorgeous, imo she was pretty average really.

The best time was when we were at a party, she nipped to the shops to get more booze and came back declaring the new guy working in the shop was all over her, I pointed out that I worked with his boyfriend and they had just moved in together and she started boasting about him having one look at her and she 'turned' him. She wasn't even joking shock

It was a constant source of entertainment, until she told me in front of a pub full of people that she had decided she wouldn't go near my husband she would 'let me keep him' and I think she expected me to thank her for doing me some sort of favour hmm I fell out with her over that one.

Boardingblues Thu 07-Nov-13 12:34:37

Are you both 13? Sounds like it!

You have been party to creating the dynamics in you relationship. She knocks you down and you build her up. So stop building her up. When you compliment her, she is probably hearing you telling her that she is better than you. So just stop it.

If she is such a good friend, tell her that he comments about your appearance hurt. A friend will understand and change. If she doesn't, then maybe you other friends are right about her.

Tee2072 Thu 07-Nov-13 12:37:03

Wow. She is very insecure. Why is she your friend if she bothers you so much?

moosemurphy Thu 07-Nov-13 12:43:53

is she called Jolene?

Mintyy Thu 07-Nov-13 12:46:16

another friend was talking about introducing her new boyfriend and she said "oh but what if he fancies me, that will be awkward!", which I thought was a completely inappropriate thing to say"

So you should have snorted loudly and told her to stop being so ridiculous. Honestly.

lottieandmia Thu 07-Nov-13 12:49:02

If she's annoying you and trying to knock your confidence then she is not much of a friend - try cooling things for a while. Perhaps she will get the message?

SugarHut Thu 07-Nov-13 12:55:49

Has she always been like this? This is going to sound awful, but a girl I know who's just lost a lot of weight (credit to her, she's done amazingly well) now think's she's gods gift. None of us are saying anything as she is obviously ecstatic about what she has achieved and she should rightly be very proud of herself...but she's never been a very pretty girl, now she's just a thinner version of a not particularly pretty girl.
Also, a couple of us have split from long term partners (myself included) and we're a little bit "aren't we fabulous" right now. I think it's the self convincing that actually, you're a happy, beautiful, capable woman, who is in control of her life...when perhaps your environment suggests otherwise. We're definitely a bit guilty of behaving like this at the moment.

I think if you are like this following a certain event, maybe it's some kind of defence mechanism, and although it's a temporary pain in the ass, sometimes it's understandable why we behave like this and you should give her a teeny bit of slack. I think if you are like this all the time, someone needs to say something to her.

FreudiansSlipper Thu 07-Nov-13 12:59:33

it must be very annoying

but really she is unlikely to think that she wants you and others to think that, for you and others to feel inferior to her beauty because something in her needs to feel superior to others

or she is totally deluded which some people are, but her need to tell you i doubt it

Anchoress Thu 07-Nov-13 13:04:26

Honestly, while she sounds delusional and tiresome, what us depressing about the OP us that it sounds as if both of your identities/self-esteem are unhealthily bound up in being 'fancied'.

If you (somehow) remain find of her, tell her to change the record, and that your appearance is not up for daily discussion. Also, tell her that a bunch of strangers in the Internet think she sounds about thirteen, unable to stop gassing about which boys fancy her.

Calloh Thu 07-Nov-13 13:07:43

Nancy don't let her get you down. Ignore her comments and remember she has a very skewed way of looking at things which means that what she says to you is bollocks.

But it is a bit funny to read, I am shock and grin at Angels.

I had a friend who said she looked like some famous woman and did we all know that she was number 48 in the FHM top 100 list. We all laughed and then said that we all looked like other people and did she know that they were 32 etc in the top 100 list. It was probably a bit mean. But jeez it is insufferable sometimes, especially when they start trying to say that your man prefers them etc.

Usually these people do have some redeeming features that make you still want to be friends - if only to see how bad it's going to get.

TeamEdwooooooo Thu 07-Nov-13 13:09:13

I have a friend like this. We both used to be very fat. I got married, had kids, lost some weight but am still a fattie curvy woman.
She lost a lot of weight, is skinny & pretty and enjoys the single life, and so is often derogatory about my looks and lifestyle. We don't see each other very often because we are just very different people know.

A couple of weeks ago we met up with some other old friends for a night on the town. This friend almost had a tantrum when she saw me dressed up, she even moaned "That's not fair! You look too pretty!".
By the end of the night she had a right cob on because I'd spent the evening fielding male attention and she was virtually ignored. I swear that her resentful and bitchy core soured her pretty exterior.

EldritchCleavage Thu 07-Nov-13 13:09:30

I knew someone like this. In her case, even very direct ribbing did not dent her belief that every man who crossed her path had the hots for her in a major way. She seemed to have an extreme need to believe that to, which was sad. At least in her case, she didn't put down other women.

OP, why are you putting up with the digs? You defend her to others because you don't want to be bitchy, why are you letting her get away with a much lower standard of behaviour? Does she respect you at all?

raisah Thu 07-Nov-13 13:14:19

Tell her that shr souns rude & arrogant rather than gorgeous. You are enabling her arrogance & delusion rather than being her friend. It will be difficult to have that conversation with her but to prepare yourself mentallt ask her why everytime she makes a delusional comment.

NancyShrew Thu 07-Nov-13 13:16:05

I am not obsessed by men fancying me whatsoever, usually I couldn't care less, but when it is constantly discussed it makes me doubt myself and wonder if I'm actually not all that.

slothlike Thu 07-Nov-13 13:27:14

What do you actually say to her when she's telling you to change how you look? This would drive me mad, I don't think I could help being a bit short with her.

Realistically (I know it's not really the sort of thing you want to be saying about a friend, or anyone else) is she someone who would generally be considered unattractive, hence the relatively frequent piss-taking re. her appearance (which is just rude and I'm glad you defended her)? If so, maybe she's aware of this and feels insecure about it, leading to her complimenting herself as a kind of defense mechanism?

PumpkinPositive Thu 07-Nov-13 13:29:44

I have a fairly good friend who is convinced that everyone fancies her, to the point where another friend was talking about introducing her new boyfriend and she said "oh but what if he fancies me, that will be awkward!", which I thought was a completely inappropriate thing to say.

That's very funny. grin Are you sure she's not pulling your leg?

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