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When do you "allow" your kids to delete you from FB

(53 Posts)
Gossipmonster Tue 05-Nov-13 22:54:56

DS1 is 16. He's a good kid, doesn't go our much, very image conscious (won't invite anyone over as we are "embarrassing" - we are quite normal). I am a single mum most of the time as OH (not his dad) is in the Navy and lives on base 600 miles away.

Made him wait till 14 to have FB he is now 16 and wants to delete me although has my parents sister etc on there. He is respectful of what he sees as my pretty strict rules (for his 16th bday he was allowed to play 18 games).

I kind of understand though that he wants his privacy and really want him to feel able to have his mates over and that I trust him - but he has his wider family on there (including his dad and his dads family who live abroad and all hate me and have blocked me) so I kind of want to monitor what he is putting out there.

Argh what do I do? Or do I just tell him to make another account for just his mates?

Beastofburden Wed 06-Nov-13 14:46:53

My DS has forgotten to unfriend me but there is no way I am going near his FB profile, there is such a thing as TMI. I decided to stop looking when he was around 15.

Actually I am more worried about what he might read on mine hmm

JustAnotherFucker Wed 06-Nov-13 14:52:27

I have been blocked for aaaaages by dd yet she happily has loads of family/extended family on there who spy for me hmm grin I think I am just a massive embarrassment!

Shonajoy Wed 06-Nov-13 17:20:55

My son won't be my friend on Facebook!

teenagetantrums Wed 06-Nov-13 17:50:12

My son deleted me at 16, i am however fiends with many of his friends so i can see what he up to 90% of the time, not that its any of my business hes 19 now. My DD has two accounts one for friends and family and one for friends i cant see the friends one although she told me send her a friend request i keep forgetting, to be honest the bad spelling and swearing puts me of wanting to see,

tiredoutgran Wed 06-Nov-13 18:35:18

I would have to make her accept me first - she simply won't! Mind you, she is 22, but it still hurts smile

ThoraNomiki Wed 06-Nov-13 21:48:49

Why would people not want their parents on their friends list? That's just odd. It's a profile to share photos and videos and thoughts with the people you know and like, right?
I'd be warning him now never to make anything about himself public that he wouldn't want his mum to see. Not because you're a stalker mum (you don't sound like it to me) but because once you put something out there on the internet it's difficult, if not impossible, to claw it back.
Reminds me of Sun, sex and suspicious parents. Why would you behave in a way in public that you wouldn't want some people to see?! There's always the possibility what with camera-phones and the internet.

Strumpetron Wed 06-Nov-13 21:51:02

Why would people not want their parents on their friends list?

Would you want your parents hanging out with you and your friends confused it's just the same for some people. When I was younger I used facebook for me and my friends to chat amongst ourselves, I didn't want my mum reading my conversations - none of it was rude or naughty - it was just well it's my mum grin

I do now have her on there and speak to her most days, she's like one of my best friends grin

littlewhitebag Wed 06-Nov-13 21:55:33

I have never had Facebook. I detest it. My children (DD's age 15 and 21) both have it and have done for years. I have made sure they understand the dangers of the internet and they also know if they ever leave it open on the computer i will look at it. I would never ever have wanted to friend them on facebook. It seems slightly weird to me.

Strumpetron Wed 06-Nov-13 21:58:44

they also know if they ever leave it open on the computer i will look at it

So they'll just be extra careful at closing it then confused

FuckyNell Wed 06-Nov-13 21:58:52

Gosh I call my my 16 year old dd ditcherNell with good reason

specialsubject Wed 06-Nov-13 21:59:30

trouble is that children on facebook can give away your address, when you are not home, where you go on holiday, loads of other details. Bring on harrassment and ID fraud.

The 'he can get married' argument is specious.

he needs to be fully aware of all the pitfalls, set privacy settings and not compromise your security before he earns online privacy. Not that there is any such thing!

Strumpetron Wed 06-Nov-13 22:03:13

I do agree it can be dangerous, Facebook has been less than transparent with it's changes lately and it's doing no good at all. Making things private has gone much harder - the other day I couldn't make ALL my photos private, I had to go through them one by one, despite my profile being set to private.

It used to be - private profile = no-one except friends can see. Now you have to change 'permissions' for status updates, different photo albums, personal details, work details etc.. it's a mine field for someone who isn't savvy. I've had to log onto a few of my friends profiles to hide everything for them.

Ursula8 Wed 06-Nov-13 22:09:43

God I blocked my DD aged 16 because she kept giving me grief about what she could see I was up to on FB.

Ab Fab anyone?

Strumpetron Wed 06-Nov-13 22:11:37

ursula Ha I have a suspicion my mum hides things from me, I know she has a fella she chats too but I'm not allowed to look shock

Oh how the tables have turned grin

Caff2 Wed 06-Nov-13 22:16:33

My dad's my facebook friend. So's my auntie. I'm 36...

FortyDoorsToNowhere Wed 06-Nov-13 22:16:40

If i had facebook at 16 I would have had 2 accounts.

MistAllChuckingFrighty Wed 06-Nov-13 22:19:09

I am 48 and I have two FB accounts grin

Strumpetron Wed 06-Nov-13 22:20:42

My dad has one, he hasn't a clue how to use it and often ends up commenting on photos from ages ago to try and start a conversation. He also has put his work as my work for some reason I don't know how he's managed to get that muddled up.

kaumana Wed 06-Nov-13 22:22:51

kisses Ha! glad to see someone on this thread that is aware of how FB. works.

Theas18 Wed 06-Nov-13 22:23:57

Mine haven't actually deleted me..... but I'm sure the older 2 have me on limited profile. I haven't insisted they keep me though.

It's lovely just to get the odd photo of the eldest at a party etc and be able to message her if needed.It was great when she went interrailing too to be able to see the photos.

I would be wary of a child younger than 16 not having an adult over view- an I'm sure the kids don't have each other on limited so if anything really bad happened they'd say which is reassuring.

BerstieSpotts Wed 06-Nov-13 22:26:14

Don't let his dad's family's opinion encroach on your life! Who cares what your ex thinks of you - he's your ex! And if your DS isn't your friend then you're free to bitch about said ex to your own friends wink

(Joke... or at least, keep it to PM!)

pixwix Wed 06-Nov-13 22:29:27

Ds1 is now 16 - I rarely use FB. When he was about 14, he unfriended me from FB on the grounds that I didn't really need to know who fancied their new geography teacher etc...

Having said that, I have a computer downstairs kinda rule, and when he realised we had mutual friends, and I wasn't chasing him, he added me back confused.

purpleroses Wed 06-Nov-13 22:29:39

Would he agree to keep you on there if you promise not to comment on any of his posts or photos?

I wouldn't take it personally that he wants you off there, but is happy with wider family - it's not wider family we need to break away from in our teens, it's those we're closest too. If you've brought him up pretty much as a single parent you probably have quite a close relationship, and he's feeling the need now to establish his own identity a bit. At 16, I'd let him de-friend you (but yes, you could ask your sister or someone to keep an eye out for anything that's a real cause for concern, just like you would if he was hanging around in person somewhere she went, but you didn't)

kaumana Wed 06-Nov-13 22:52:55

On FB you can choose what you want each individual to see. So, for example on a night there might be some pics that I don't want my family to see, a couple of boxes checked and you would never have seen me dancing on the tables.. and the rest...

Justforlaughs Wed 06-Nov-13 22:58:16

I am "friends" with all my DCs on facebook (well, the ones who have an account anyway) the oldest is 20 and the youngest is 14. I'm pretty sure that any teenager who didn't want their parent on their fb account would just set up another one anyway. I don't look very often but occasionally I take a peek, the fact that there is never anything worth seeing makes me wonder how many accounts they have wink

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