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AIBU to think DD should be Star of the sodding Day?

(106 Posts)
PFBoftheDay Tue 05-Nov-13 18:16:52

I know I am, and I have n/c because I am probably being embarrassingly PFB.

DD is 6, and there are 21 children in her class. Her teacher does something called 'Star of the Day', which is,as far as I can gather, where the child who has been 'the goodest' all day, gets a star sticker and a prize (bouncy ball,sweets or bubbles) at hometime.

This has been an everyday occurrence from the start of the year, and DD was naturally desperate to be SotD and a bit disappointed when she wasn't. I, naturally, told her that she would have to keep trying, that the teacher would notice good behaviour, etc etc.

Just before school broke up for half term, and in the last few days she has started back, she has been getting really, really upset about it. There are a few children who have been SotD more than once, and on one occasion, a boy in the class who struggles with his behaviour got it, even though he hit another boy in the playground that day (though this is according to DD). I know the teacher was probably trying to encourage his good behaviour rather than discouraging him (and rightly so) and I explained this to DD.

However, today she came home in tears, because a girl who was horrible to DD and her friends at breaktime today (they told the teacher etc) got SotD. This girl can be very bossy and controlling and does put the other children's backs up at times. DD now basically thinks that the children who misbehave are getting rewarded.

I do think I see what the teacher is trying to do, and the reasoning behind it, but I feel this is really unfair on DD. She is a very well behaved child, we had Parent Teacher evening a few weeks ago and everything was positive. She works hard- she is very ahead in her reading & writing- and is as friendly and polite as you can expect of a 6 year old. The only thing she did struggle with was forgetting to put her hand up before answering a question, but she has tried really hard to remember, and at Parent Teacher, I asked about it specifically and her teacher said she had no problems.

I know I am being PFB, but she is quite a sensitive little thing, and I feel awful that she is trying so hard and getting so disheartened.

ICameOnTheJitney Tue 05-Nov-13 18:20:43

Go in and have a word. In our school star is done once a week and by birth they all have a go. I would just say to her that DD is feeling disheartened by not ever being chosen despite being good.

RevelsRoulette Tue 05-Nov-13 18:22:03

Please tell me the teacher doesn't say "goodest" grin

I'd probably talk to the teacher and say that she was upset because she had never been star of the day and what can you tell her to do in order to earn it.

That way you're drawing the teacher's attention to it but not in a PFB way. You're just asking what would the teacher like to see from her that would merit this award. Which is a reasonable thing to ask.

comewinewithmoi Tue 05-Nov-13 18:22:28

There has only been half a term.

PFBoftheDay Tue 05-Nov-13 18:23:12

I did think about going in, but didn't want to seem really over the top, as I did initially think it was down to birth/alphabetical order, but DD is one of the oldest anyway, and as some children have been SotD more than once, it's obviously purely at the teacher's discretion.

PFBoftheDay Tue 05-Nov-13 18:26:00

DD says 'goodest'grin Accompanied by heartbreaking, trembling bottom lip grin

I know it's only been half a term...but it's also been 2 months since school started back divided by 21 kids, some of which have got it more than once...

ok, having just read that over again, I'm definitely being a bit PFB grin

Sparklymommy Tue 05-Nov-13 18:27:10

These things rile me somewhat! When dd1 was in reception she asked the teacher herself how come X had a star and his work wasn't as lengthy/good as hers and she didn't get a star. The teacher tried to explain that for X his piece of work was a big deal, whereas dd was more capable and could have done it better.

A very hard lesson for 4/5 year olds to learn!

Perhaps have a word with the teacher. It can't hurt to point out that even "good" children need the encouragement sometimes. I loathe that "naughty" children get rewarded for the teensiest bit of good behaviour and those that try hard and work well get over looked. But that is the way it always seems to work.

Hope you dd gets the Star of the Day soon

comewinewithmoi Tue 05-Nov-13 18:27:24

You are being pfb but at least you are aware.wink

ProphetOfDoom Tue 05-Nov-13 18:29:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floralnomad Tue 05-Nov-13 18:29:32

I don't think you're being too PFB , it should be shared around and with only 21 children there has been ample opportunity for everyone to have been it by now . I actually think its a bit OTT doing it every day and weekly would be better and probably fairer . If it were my DD I would go in and have a word .

nicename Tue 05-Nov-13 18:30:24

It didn't take DS long to work out that some children get the worker of the week award 'for not hitting anyone alllllll week'.

teenagetantrums Tue 05-Nov-13 18:30:50

make her a star of the day certificate for home and give it to her with a little present, I think its difficult or the teachers sometimes to notice the behavior of normally 'good' children. my son was very behaved/average at primary school and got overlooked. My DD who is lovely to me, had behavior issues at the same school and oten star of the week for being normally behaved' made me a bit cross for my son, and it actually meant nothing to my daughter who never wanted to be a star.

3rdnparty Tue 05-Nov-13 18:32:00

I don't think your being pfb the teacher may have just missed her by accident - when ds in reception his bf got missed as the teacher ticked by his name by mistake...if his mum hadn't asked the teacher would have been none the wiser.... i would either be direct or ask what she needed to do as hadn't happened yet as mentioned above.... every kid got to be star for something !

teenagetantrums Tue 05-Nov-13 18:32:53

nicename see that was my daughter, getting praised for not hitting someone, made my son sad and wanted him to try the same thing.

GreenVelvet Tue 05-Nov-13 18:33:52

After 5 years at school my son was never star of the week, which was statistically improbable.

Agree with Schmaltzing. Despite good intentions, it can end up crappy.

I have always suspected that it was targeted at the "underdog", sometimes for compliant behaviour or as an "encouragement".

I would mention it. I didn't but found it irksome and wish I had ...

SkullyAndBones Tue 05-Nov-13 18:34:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theoriginalandbestrookie Tue 05-Nov-13 18:35:08

I'd go and speak to the teacher using revel's wording, what can DD do to earn the star of the day ?
Ridiculous to hand this out every day and demotivating if it's primarily used to improve the less well behaved DC's behaviour.

temporarilyjerry Tue 05-Nov-13 18:36:16

^ In our school star is done once a week and by birth they all have a go.^
WTF. This kind of meaningless reward does nothing to promote good behaviour. What is the point?

OP, I don't think you're being PFB but not sure that speaking to the teacher will help.

PFBoftheDay Tue 05-Nov-13 18:37:44

yes comewine I am definitely having one of those 'this is what I have become' moments. It seems like only yesterday I was taking the piss out of my friend, who was disappointed with the teacher who wrote her DS1's report as 'she didn't feel it had really captured his personality'. He was in Reception at the time. grin Little did I know...

Sparkly it is a hard lesson,isn't it? I wouldn't mind so much but it does seem very unfair.According to DD her friend- a very well behaved little boy- hasn't been SotD either, so I do think the children who are no trouble may be getting overlooked

SeeYouNT Tue 05-Nov-13 18:38:12

<wonders if OPs kids go to same school as mine>

dd (foundation 1) has been star of the day twice since start of term. and i have no idea what they are made star of the day for and what it entails, other than they are allowed to bring a toy in from home on the day they are "star of the day" confused

mirry2 Tue 05-Nov-13 18:39:11

teenagtantrums this happened to my dd and I too didn't want to say anything in case I was seen to be a pushy parent. it was only when my dd said she was going to start doing some messy work for a few weeks and then 'improve' on it later so that she got star of the week that I spoke to the teacher who was really surprised that my dd had never received one. It turned out that no records were ever kept.
My dd received satr of the week the next week and was happy at last.

iwasyoungonce Tue 05-Nov-13 18:39:24

Definitely have a word.

If you think you're being PFB, listen to this: when my DD was in Y1 she was getting upset that she never got to hold the assembly rules. Each day, a child would be picked at random. The HT would say, who wants to hold the rules this morning? And she'd never get picked.

So when we had our annual parents meeting with him, right at the end I sheepishly mentioned that she was desperate to hold the assembly rules. I knew I would sound like a tit, but basically decided it was worth asking! He chuckled (in a very nice way - he is such a lovely man) and said he would sort it! The very next day he picked my DD and she was over the moon! (She never knew I'd asked).

Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do!

MissPricklePants Tue 05-Nov-13 18:41:50

My dd is in Reception and wants to be star of the week. She tries her hardest (she has a speech and language delay and now possible hearing issues so struggles to understand) and is coming on fab but has yet to get it. She is working so hard! Hopefully she will get it soon as she is saying I work hard and my best but my teacher never sees me!

PFBoftheDay Tue 05-Nov-13 18:43:45

oh your poor DS Skully

I think once a day is very over the top too tbh. I'm not sure giving one chosen child a daily present- because that's what it is, really- is that good an idea- surely the children (like my DD) will be thinking about it a lot more than if it was a weekly thing

CrohnicallyTired Tue 05-Nov-13 18:43:53

Not PFB at all. I was one of the well behaved/academically bright children, and very very rarely got rewarded for it. By secondary school I was fed up with the whole system and did go off the rails a bit by year 10/11- fighting, walking out of lessons etc. Obviously I'm not putting that entirely down to not being star of the week in infants, but it was representative of the teachers' attitudes towards me- they knew I'd do all right so it felt like they couldn't be bothered to encourage me.

At the school I work at, the star of the week is marked off on the register and no one gets a second go till everyone has had one turn. As there are around 30 children in the class and 40 weeks in the year, the well behaved children usually get 2 turns.

As well as that, there are privileges such as being the teacher's helper that go entirely on register order so everyone gets a turn, and I feel that our general reward system (team points etc) is very fair, as the best behaved children do get far more rewards than those who find behaving more difficult (yet still handing out enough rewards to encourage the more challenging children).

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