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To find this selfish and inconsiderate?

(66 Posts)
SuiGeneris Sun 03-Nov-13 06:28:21

We have just been away on holiday to visit my family. PILs came out at the same time, staying in separate accommodation. They were invited for various meals and came round, but halfway through the first meal it transpired FIL had an upper airway respiratory infection that was bad enough for him to have taken paracetamol and other medicines before coming.
I am cross that he did not volunteer this at all and made no attempt whatsoever at limiting the chance of infecting those present, which included a little baby, its carers, carers for a very elderly and fragile person and four asthmatics (two of whom are young children). He knew all this, knew he had a temperature and knew he should have been more careful because when I asked him exactly what he had (so that we could provide the right medicines) he muttered something about not being welcome.
Now 80% of those present at that meal are ill! AIBU to think he should have been more considerate, not kissing anyone and staying away from the children at least?

AndYouCanDance Sun 03-Nov-13 06:31:09


I hate this. Utterly, utterly selfish.

LoopaDaLoopa Sun 03-Nov-13 06:31:26

I think you sound selfish and inconsiderate.

LoopaDaLoopa Sun 03-Nov-13 06:31:57

But yes, he should have said, you are right.

gamerchick Sun 03-Nov-13 06:34:13

If he was poorly then yes he shouldn't have touched anybody. But it's done now.. I hope everybody's on the mend.

AndYouCanDance Sun 03-Nov-13 06:35:52

How is the OP selfish and inconsiderate?

And why TF was FIL KISSING people??! Aargh! My blood pressure is rising on your behalf OP.

Your FIL is a selfish, selfish twat.

SuiGeneris Sun 03-Nov-13 06:36:27

Loopla/ why? What is selfish about trying to protect vulnerable people you love? An infection of this sort can land the baby and the elderly person in hospital and can take the asthmatics weeks to recover from.

LoopaDaLoopa Sun 03-Nov-13 06:38:15

No, I agree that he should have said, but your post is written without an ounce of sympathy for an ill, presumably elderly man.

Chottie Sun 03-Nov-13 06:40:58

OP - this is so irresponsible - I hope your FiL knows just how many people are ill now. Babies, asthmatics and the elderly have far less resistance to germs.

Loopla you and I are obviously not only on different pages but are on different books on this one. confused I'm just wondering if you misread the original post?

tracypenisbeaker Sun 03-Nov-13 06:57:48

Loopa Well the FIL obviously doesn't care about anyone else.

agedknees Sun 03-Nov-13 07:10:06

How is the op being selfish and inconsiderate when all she wants is to protect vulnerable people?

ILetHimKeep20Quid Sun 03-Nov-13 07:27:06

Isn't that just another name for a cold?

CSIJanner Sun 03-Nov-13 07:41:53

My DSis suffers from bad asthma, plus DF's asthma and is now in a frail condition. I would have raged.


Shamoy Sun 03-Nov-13 07:53:19

He just had a cold right? And took some paracetamol before coming out for dinner
I really wouldn't avoid a family meal after travelling abroad to visit people for a cold!! Nor would I see the need to warn people I had a cold. Especially if the only reason you know he had a cold is that he mentions it half way through the meal. He obviously wasn't visibly ill or coughing/sneezing so a mild cold basically

saintlyjimjams Sun 03-Nov-13 07:58:01

If he had a cold YABU - anytime you are out in public you will meet people with colds. If he came to visit a sick person in isolation (eg staying at home after chemo) then I would say YANBU, but as you are out and about in public and it's November then YABU.

CSIJanner Sun 03-Nov-13 08:04:47

From my point of view, if my asthmatic DF gets a bad cold, he's either laid up for two weeks or, as has happened before, been hospitalised, taking longer and longer to recover. The same scenario has happened with my DSis, only she ended up in an oxygen tent and in hospital for nearly a month. To healthy adults, a cold is a cold. But when people are that susceptible as with some members of my family, a mere cold can mean something more life threatening.

Yes, they had travelled abroad, but from what the OP has stated, he knew he was ill and still kissed vunerable members of the family. It's one thing to attended a meal and excuse yourself from close contact saying "have a bit of a cough/sore throat and wouldn't want to pass it on" to not mentioning it and infecting 80% of the people there.

ILoveAFullFridge Sun 03-Nov-13 08:08:37

Older people are often hardier in their attitudes than younger, and less bothered by germs and illness.I once apologetically and politely refused to shake hands when I met an older man, explaining that I had a streaming cold and had just blown my nose, and he found it very rude of me.

I see nothing wrong with going out and joining in when someone had a cold, but certainly would not kiss anyone. I probably would not go out if I had a temperature, but, as I said, he probably has a hardier attitude and did not want to upset and arrangement to meet.

saintlyjimjams Sun 03-Nov-13 08:10:24

Well I agree he shouldn't have kissed people, although I suspect travelling on a plane spread more germs etc.

There have been times when I've really needed ds2 to avoid getting a cold for a week or two, and I'm not sure there's much you can do other than isolate yourself, as soon as you see people you're stuffed.

TossedSaladsAndScrambledEggs Sun 03-Nov-13 08:12:57

You do know an upper respiratory tract infection is a common cold? Jeez it is hardly typhoid.

ll31 Sun 03-Nov-13 08:18:10

So you made an old man feel unwelcome because he hsd a cold, well done. You sound deeply unpleasant.

raisah Sun 03-Nov-13 08:25:34

My BIL does this all the time. He came round with his dd both flu ridden and passed it onto me and my ds. I was 36 wks pg & my ds has chronic lung disease, he knew all of this but still came. We were v ill & were nearly hospitalised, BIL's reaction was to tell us to take paracetamol!


anonacfr Sun 03-Nov-13 08:35:28

If he had a temperature it was clearly more than just a cold.

FunkyFucker Sun 03-Nov-13 08:49:22

Having had bronchitis, pneumonia, and pleurisy from catching a common cold; I am with you OP. Totally selfish. I'd be raging.

SuiGeneris Sun 03-Nov-13 08:56:09

A) It was more than a mild cold: he had a temperature. B) I did not suggest he should not have come.

What I am annoyed about is that he kissed everyone, held the baby and the children, as if he had been perfectly healthy and did not even mention he had a temperature. Most considerate/polite people would have done as a poster above said and avoided touching/kissing others.

Plus, he knows full well that one of the babies was in A&E twice for breathing difficulties over the summer and also that another of the children is under two different consultants for issues that are caused by respiratory tract infections.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 03-Nov-13 10:35:52

Upper respiratory tract infections are just common colds.

You will come into contact with people with a common cold on an almost daily basis throughout autumn and winter. People do not stay at home in quarantine when they have them. I appreciate you have concerns about your children's health but unless you keep them in seclusion from other people, you simply cannot escape it.

If you had a cold would you not cuddle your children? What if you and your DH both had colds? What would you do then?

Kissing people wasn't the wisest move, I agree with you on that point.

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