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Just got DP's opinion on Rape - not impressed AIBU

(190 Posts)
wurzelmini Sat 02-Nov-13 21:31:53

Must admit, have had a few glasses of wine so i'm really not sure if I am BU or not. Was having a conversation with 'dp' about his families religion (Jehovah's) and asking what I would be allowed to wear to a meeting as he had expressed an interest in going to one after many years of not going.
I am not religious but was quite interested in their views on how women dressed and he said I shouldn't expose certain areas as they wouldn't like it.

The conversation then got on to how women dressed when out on an evening and I said it wouldn't make any difference if identical twins walked down the same street at night one in jeans, one in a mini skirt, if a rapist was in the area they would take either regardless of how they were dressed - we have now disagreed as he believes a rapist would not attack a woman in jeans!!

Am really annoyed at his opinion but am really not sure if IAIBU???

wurzelmini Sat 02-Nov-13 21:34:50

Oh - he's asked me to adjust my post after reading it and said the rapist would attack the woman in the mini skirt before he attacked the woman in jeans! Opinions??

SueDoku Sat 02-Nov-13 21:35:32

NO - next question..?

SueDoku Sat 02-Nov-13 21:36:34

X-post - but would still disagree with him, just not quite so loudly...

Shakirasma Sat 02-Nov-13 21:36:35

YANBU and your dp sounds like a victim blaming wanker.

OHforDUCKScake Sat 02-Nov-13 21:36:37

Maybe point him towards the recent report about the woman in her 80's whose home was broken into she was raped by a man in his 20's.

She was neither walking, nor wearing a mini skirt I can assume.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Sat 02-Nov-13 21:37:02

It might be easier to attack a woman in a skirt rather than one in jeans - is this what he is suggesting or do you feel is it more sinister than that?

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Sat 02-Nov-13 21:37:42

He is a skeezy dumbass.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Sat 02-Nov-13 21:37:57

My opinion is that your 'dp' is a knobend. A rapist will attack anyone regardless of what they are wearing.

QuietNinjaTardis Sat 02-Nov-13 21:38:09

Your dp is talking rubbish and need to read up on rape myths. Maybe direct him to the Mumsnet we believe you campaign? Hopefully someone will come along who can link to it.

scaevola Sat 02-Nov-13 21:38:14

Well it's a silly hypothesis, and not typical of not rapes.

If he is thinking of violent stranger attack in general (ie not rape), of two similar victims the attacker is likely (likely, not guaranteed) to choose the one who looks less likely to be able to run away or fight back.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 02-Nov-13 21:38:30

Erm....right. Your husband sounds like a total twat.

Number one cause of rape? RAPISTS!

MammaTJ Sat 02-Nov-13 21:38:38

Well, they would probably go for the easiest option! Therefore not the woman not in jeans. That does not mean the woman not in jeans is to blame, the rapist is still to blame.

Isoscelesnorks Sat 02-Nov-13 21:39:09

So if I wear a skirt to the office I'm secretly telling all the men I work with to have their way with me?

candycoatedwaterdrops Sat 02-Nov-13 21:39:21

He sounds very ignorant.

TunipTheUnconquerable Sat 02-Nov-13 21:39:35

He is buying into one of the most common rape myths of all.
Some research was done into what rape victims were wearing when they were attacked and the most common clothing was jeans. Obviously this is more likely to be because a lot of women wear jeans than because jeans incite rape, but there is absolutely no evidence that rapists are more likely to rape women in miniskirts.
Bear in mind that countries which enforce female covering, such as Iran, have horribly high rates of rape and sexual assault.

schmee Sat 02-Nov-13 21:39:39

Agree with Thisisaghostlyeuphemism that from a purely opportunist point of view a miniskirt might make it easier to attack. But I'm assuming that isn't what he means...

Beastofburden Sat 02-Nov-13 21:39:41

I though most rapes are by people you know?

mynewpassion Sat 02-Nov-13 21:39:44

Easier to attack on woman in a skirt.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Sat 02-Nov-13 21:39:52

It's a moronic question from a moron that doesn't deserve a second thought. Rapists rape old women in their homes, little girls, their wives and girlfriends, women wearing burkhas and women wearing jeans.

YABU to give this twat's 'opinions' a second thought.

gordyslovesheep Sat 02-Nov-13 21:41:48

rape if nothing to do with how a woman looks, walks, what she wears, what time of day it is, what she's drunk etc

it's about power and control - maybe start him there and then run like fuck in the opposite direction

sooperdooper Sat 02-Nov-13 21:42:08

I would be utterly LIVID if DH admitted he thought that way, what he's basically saying is that men have no concept of being able to control themselves and are basically a rapist deep down, which needs to be controlled by women dressing 'modestly' - it's not the women's issue, it's the mans

Please read about this rape support movement -

SlutWalk wants justice for the thousands of rape survivors who were told by the police and courts that they were dressed too provocatively, they didn’t scream loudly enough, they were too drunk or too young or too mentally ill to understand what had happened to them, they must have consented because the rapist was their (ex) husband or (ex)boyfriend, they were sex workers and should be prosecuted rather than their attackers, they were asylum seekers and should be sent back to the detention centre or deported.

Itsjustafleshwound Sat 02-Nov-13 21:43:13

I'm a bit shocked that you even have to ask!!!

LEMisafucker Sat 02-Nov-13 21:43:47

I would be questioning if i wanted to be with someone who wanted to dictate the way i dress, even if it is to meet his JW parents. He sounds too controlling for my liking.

I guess an opportunistic rapist might go for the woman wearing a skirt (no comment on legnth here) simply because its easeir, but that isn't what he meant is it?

sooperdooper Sat 02-Nov-13 21:44:09

Sorry don't think that was very coherent, but I've had some wine too and this has angered me

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