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Do comments like this annoy you? AIBU?

(67 Posts)
PenguinBear Sat 02-Nov-13 15:20:35

Does it annoy you when someone likes to tell you how you feel/are?
E.g. No you don't have a headache. I have a headache or no of course it isn't a sickness bug, you're fine while you're being sick.

They always have to be the worst and if they are ever questioned you are accused 'bullying' them and not caring.

How would you handle this type of bastard behaviour?

expatinscotland Sun 03-Nov-13 17:05:13

Tell such people to fck off.

PloddingDaily Sun 03-Nov-13 17:01:47

Ah...if the lethargy is unusual it could be the micro dinners then?...thinking unless you're being far more virtuous than I would be grin & the meals are the curry / pasta type, they could well have far more carbs than he's used to, if he's diet controlled? Plus seeing his dad's condition probably is quite scary...might be worth a gentle prod nudge to get him to see the nurse to check how he's doing & whether anything needs tweaking?

Best of luck, it can't be fun... flowers

PenguinBear Sun 03-Nov-13 14:56:45

Its Type 2 for those that asked, he's had it around 20 years. Thanks for the insider perspective plodding. smile

His dad also has it and I think he is now seeing in his dad, things that could happen to him in the future like issues with his eyes, ulcers on his legs etc.

Plus at the moment we have no kitchen so are surviving on crappy microwave meals.

ZingWantsCake Sun 03-Nov-13 14:19:06

it's all in your head - is my favourite.

very appropriate when I have a migraine though!grin

Alexandrite Sun 03-Nov-13 14:15:26

I used to get really bad period pains in my teens and twenties. My mum didn't believe in them because she had never had them. angry

HelloBoys Sun 03-Nov-13 13:19:57

My colleague crawls in with most ailments regardless of whether the entire office wants her vomiting bug.

HelloBoys Sun 03-Nov-13 13:18:55

Oh yes one woman up manship at work.

If I've been sick she's had it worse etc. headache period pains (my wombs falling out -her) her period blood ON the toilet seat!

She couldn't compare when I had norovirus as was sick in work toilet.

She now works upstairs.

She's worse re deaths and terminal illness omg. Competitive nature or what.

jammypuddingmonkey Sun 03-Nov-13 13:10:19

Not being allowed to be ill pisses me off. Everything, from a migraine, to a sore throat, to chronic conditions etc. Not allowed, didn't get permission or something hmm

But they're always allowed to be ill, of course.

whogrewoutoftheterribletwos Sun 03-Nov-13 11:36:52

My sister is terrible for this. The worst was perhaps when dd had colic. Then we constantly got 'oh poor you dd, aunty's suffered terribly from colic all her life' (yes, speaking in the 3rd person). Really? THEN WHY IS THIS THE FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD OF IT? And you must have been the only colicky baby ever to not have cried about it (dsis was apparently a perfect baby by all accounts).

Though isn't what we do by responding on these threads with our own stories just a version of competitive illness too? grin

PloddingDaily Sun 03-Nov-13 11:23:03


From what you've said it is possible that he's being a lazy lump (as I guess all people can be from time to time) DH would/will quite cheerfully disappear into IT/xbox for hours on end & he's not the interests of fairness & not jumping to the assumption that his 'diabetic line' isn't just an excuse I'm wondering how his diabetic control is? Poor control affects mood...affects motivation...affects mental health...& it can all feel too hard & easier to escape into another world rather than deal with reality & get a grip on levels which in turn will make everything else easier to deal with (my pet head in the sand thing is books blush). Even a mild cold can play merry hell with sugar levels & set off this kind of spiral.

There is a clear link between diabetes & depression, do you think this could be an issue? What might come across as 'poor me, poor me' might be a symptom of diabetic burn out (we all get it from time to time) or something preying on his mind like retinopathy etc... Would it be worth having a chat with him to see? I can appreciate being a partner to a diabetic must mean a lot of tightrope walking, it's a fine line between nagging, showing concern, being supportive & seeming uncaring (my DH veers across all those from time to time! grin) & I imagine it might feel like being on egg shells a lot of the time.

flowers ...Sorry, I do realise this is right off topic, I'm just trying to help by offering an 'insider's persepctive' - has he been diabetic long, or is it all still relatively new to you both?

Straitjacket Sun 03-Nov-13 09:54:52

I have a certain relative who appears to have everything I do. For example, I got diagnosed with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, she then claimed she did but has had no splints, or steroid injections for it. I got diagnosed with Pernicious Anemia, she claime she already had the year before but was far too busy to go and get the b12 injections hmm. And then when I was diagnosed with Osteoarthritis, so was they, the following day but yet has no pain relief in place and is forever asking me to send her mine instead hmm.

I haven't even bothered mentioning other things I have been diagnosed with, because I am fed up of all the crap that comes with it.

Meow75 Sun 03-Nov-13 09:47:55

When my DH broke his ankle in 09, the RAF ambulance medic that picked him up from the gym and took him the 2/3 mile to the med centre said to him,
"It's not broken. You're not in enough pain."
Dr at the med centre glanced at my DH as he was wheeled through reception and said "Get him to hospital, right now!"

Yeah, it was broken!

everythinghippie29 Sun 03-Nov-13 09:47:30

I love one of my good friends dearly but she is very much like this.

She had been struggling with depression and I knew she had been to the Drs about it. I asked how it was all going as I have had issues with depression and severe anxiety myself which she is aware if but has never really spoken to me about.

She said it was going great she was off her meds and treatment, but then went on to say that she had been on more medication than me ( I don't know what she was basing this on or that it was top trumps) and that as the only CBT I had been offered was telephone based (the only type my Drs offer across the board), that my issues must have been nowhere near as bad as hers and the Drs couldn't have considered it that serious.

I was shock. I would NEVER compare an illness like depression across people as it is so personal and variable. I was shocked that someone who had experienced this could be so dismissive of it!

It's honestly a subject I will have to avoid with her in the future as although i am currently feeling quite good about my life, I felt genuinely upset by this conversation and it made me question myself and my course of treatment!

Mrspebble Sun 03-Nov-13 09:45:17

I have a friend like this. Her job is tougher than anyone's, her pregnancy worse than anyone's.

I wouldn't mind and let her ramble on but when I recently had an emcs and infection and asked for a few days to get on my feet for visitors she rang constantly saying.. Oh we are all a bit sore!!!

A bit sore!!!!!! A day after a full labour then section...


FiveExclamations Sun 03-Nov-13 09:38:40

Ha! An in law has huge form for this, I think it's a self defense mechanism as in "On no! Five is ill! She might expect me to help, like she did when I was ill. I'll tell her I'm sick too, or have been and managed on my own, then she can't expect me to help and I can maintain my image of being a decent person while being completely selfish. Hurrah!"

Lots of people do it sadly, I have a couple of mates who are soldier on, help others out people and sometimes you can just see it in their face as some one is maundering on about their aches and pains while they are babysitting someone else's kids, cooking all an elderly relatives meals and feeling guilty because they've had to say no to someone all while fighting off a stinking cold.

ithaka Sun 03-Nov-13 09:37:04

OP - is your partner T1 or T2 diabetic? As has already been stated, they are 2 very different conditions, so I would only use the Steve Redgrave example if he is T2.

vladthedisorganised Sun 03-Nov-13 09:30:29

When in labour in hospital I told one of the HCAs that I was in a lot of pain.
"No you aren't"
"Er, yes, this is really quite severe"
"No it isn't. This your first baby? You're not in pain"
???? Having had assorted injuries of varying severity up to then, I thought I would know the difference between 'almost unbearable' and 'ow, I banged my elbow on the doorframe'

PenguinBear Sun 03-Nov-13 09:29:10

I may use the Steve Redgrave thing, thanks! It's gets very tiresome...

Can you bath the younger dc, can you help cook dinner, can you collect dd1 from her friend's house, can you do anything. His answer is always 'no, don't you know I'm a diabetic' he then proceeds to tell me how selfish I am, don't get his illness and don't care about it. He goes into his study and just plays on his computer.
Though when he wanted something for his computer he made the hour long trip to Peterborough to get it without issues! Funny that!

BerstieSpotts Sun 03-Nov-13 09:28:07

In fact this particular trait was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I LTB.

BerstieSpotts Sun 03-Nov-13 09:27:11

It's not your DH/DP is it? Huge red flag for emotional abuse, if so. They just can't stand anyone being centre of attention more than themselves...

PloddingDaily Sun 03-Nov-13 09:26:00

Argh, phone!!! Was trying to say i often get other symptoms if things are out of kilter but I'd be mortified if people assumed I was engaged in swinging the lead / one upmanship... sad

PacificDogwood Sun 03-Nov-13 09:25:17

Boo, those are the 'fixers': unable to listen and give sympathy, but feel the need to 'do something'.
V annoying. 'Tis often men, but my mum is also pretty bad for it....

MidniteScribbler Sun 03-Nov-13 09:24:41

My aunt does this. Drives me mental. She's allowed to be sick and have a sore back and stay in bed all day (while I run around after her making cups of tea and doing all the housework and washing) but when I have the flu, she just wants to remind me how she had it a few weeks earlier and 'we women just have to soldier on".

PloddingDaily Sun 03-Nov-13 09:24:37

I'd be very wary of the whole issue of how badly one person's medical condition affects them vs another person with the same condition (& as said already, T1 & T2 are very different beasts esp re exercise)...just like non diabetics, it's not fair to say to someone "well
X runs marathons so you must be being a wimp" as we're all different...& then I also know from bitter personal experience that diabetes is a) bloody hard to control b) makes you feel lousy when your levels are wrong - physically & mentally & c) nothing is more poisonous in a relationship than your oh assuming you're swinging the lead just because your medical condition is not always visible in it's effects. Oh, & a hypo / exercise / slightly wrong carb counting can have effects that last hours /days in extreme cases.

I'm not saying your DH doesn't have a case of '2shits' (as it's called in this house! grin), just trying to put the other side of diabetes across - I often get fatigue & other symptoms if th

BooCanary Sun 03-Nov-13 09:23:17

I get more annoyed with people who won't allow you to whinge about being ill, unless youve fully confirmed that you have taken all and every relevant medicinal remedy:

Me- Oh I feel really crap, bad head and stomach ache.
Dh - Well have you taken some rennies?
Me - no, its not really a rennies-type stomach ache.
Dh - well how do you know until you take some? How about paracetamol?
Me - well I might just go and lie down and take some paracetamol in a minute.
Dh - try nurofen, and maybe a hot drink. Or have a bath?
Me - arrrghhhh!

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