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To find this Halloween costume upsetting (WARNING: POSSIBLY TRIGGERING)

(92 Posts)
frogspoon Sat 02-Nov-13 11:00:33

I have a cousin on Facebook, who is a university student. She recently posted up pictures from her uni Halloween party.

She dressed up as a "jilted bride" in a white dress with headdress, veil, bouquet etc. She smudged her make up to make it look as it she had been crying.

The part I found upsetting was that she had drawn red cuts all over her arms with lipstick, to look as though she had cut herself. I have previously self harmed, several years ago, and it made me feel quite uncomfortable to see the pictures. I am considering hiding them from my newsfeed.

AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this.

WooWooCaChoo Sat 02-Nov-13 11:03:10

Yanbu to feel uncomfortable but I think YWBU to say anything.

CoffeeTea103 Sat 02-Nov-13 11:03:46

Yanbu, you are more affected by this because of your previous self harming. Hide this from your newsfeed if you find it too upsetting as she might post other Halloween picks.
For myself, I don't find this disturbing but that's individual choice.

usualsuspect Sat 02-Nov-13 11:04:19

Just hide the pictures.

frogspoon Sat 02-Nov-13 11:04:23

Yanbu to feel uncomfortable but I think YWBU to say anything.

But I didn't say anything? Nobody will know if I hide the photos from my newsfeed.

ebwy Sat 02-Nov-13 11:06:29

No, you aren't being unreasonable to feel that way, but nor is she for the costume. I used to cut too, and I wouldn't like it, but don't think you can really stop people doing that kind of thing. just hide the photos and ignore

WooWooCaChoo Sat 02-Nov-13 11:06:37

That's fine then.

misskatamari Sat 02-Nov-13 11:08:23

YANBU to feel upset at all - to be honest I personally don't think it would be unreasonable to say something either (depending on how close you are). I don't mean in a rude way just in a way that might make her think about her choice of costume, as self harm isn't something to make a joke/display out of. Don't worry about your newsfeed - she'll be none the wiser that you have hidden her posts.

LordPalmerston Sat 02-Nov-13 11:08:39

oh fgs
move on

everlong Sat 02-Nov-13 11:10:30

I suppose if you've self harmed yourself then yes they could upset you.

Don't dwell on it though.

PatoBanton Sat 02-Nov-13 11:12:42


bit like someone dressing as someone with anorexia

or someone who had ocd

it's unkind and thoughtless and stupid. I would hide too.

HairyGrotter Sat 02-Nov-13 13:24:08

I was a self harmer for years, this sort of thing wouldn't even cross my mind let alone enough to be offended.

I think you ought to take a closer look at your issues surrounding it, and look for helps to deal with it. I still have my scars but they are merely surface scars, the ones underneath are well and truly healed.

HollaAtMeBaby Sat 02-Nov-13 13:51:35

Are jilted brides meant to go off and cut themselves then? Is that a thing? Her costume sounds shit.

CajaDeLaMemoria Sat 02-Nov-13 13:52:56

There is an anorexia costume this year.

It seems to be a year for poor taste costumes. Hide and ignore.

EmeraldJeanie Sat 02-Nov-13 13:55:20

Bit sick and thoughtless as a costume.
University students usually young so maybe when she's grown up a bit she will see bit out of order.
On the other hand she may not give a toss ever and bulldoze her way thoughtlessly through life....
I sympathise op.

frogspoon Sat 02-Nov-13 13:56:13

I had counselling to deal with it at the time, but never felt I got a huge amount out of it. I wouldn't say I normally get triggered when I hear about other people self harming or see their scars, if anything I can relate to it because I was in that position myself.

I realise that most people who hadn't self harmed would barely notice or care, but it did make me feel very uncomfortable. Especially seeing as it was only lipstick and she presumably just washed it off at the end of the night, whereas with some of my scars I will never be able to get rid of them completely. I have decided to block the pictures, as they are upsetting to look at.

WorraLiberty Sat 02-Nov-13 14:02:55

Why didn't you just click 'hide' on the photos as soon as you saw them?

What's to consider? You cousin won't know you've done it.

NoComet Sat 02-Nov-13 14:03:08

Many Halloween costumes have a cut, scared zombie vibe to them.

If she had deliberately done it to indicate self harming that would be tasteless, but I suspect they are just hurriedly added make up for a bit of extra effect.

Might be worth a quiet word, if you see her and are happy discussing your experiences, as self harm is not as well understood as eating disorders. Where even my 15y knows to mind what she says.

AgentZigzag Sat 02-Nov-13 14:15:42

Are you just asking whether other people think it's distasteful as well because you can't tell whether your view's been skewed by doing it yourself?

Rather than 'AIBU to hide this picture' which of course is totally up to you.

'or someone who had ocd'

Can't help but wonder how you thought that costume would go Panto grin

frogspoon Sat 02-Nov-13 14:16:00

She drew a load of horizontal red lines across both her forearms.

Several people in my family (including my aunt and mum) "Liked" the photos so I think it was just me who found it upsetting. My mum even called me over to take a look at it. (She knows I self-harmed but apparently doesn't think that an issue) apparently she thought I would like to see it.

frogspoon Sat 02-Nov-13 14:17:13

Are you just asking whether other people think it's distasteful as well because you can't tell whether your view's been skewed by doing it yourself?

agentzigazag, thats basically the reason. Especially seeing as my mum "liked" it.

Pawprint Sat 02-Nov-13 14:19:01

YANBU. That is a pretty awful idea - drawing on self inflicted wounds. She sounds a bit thoughtless. Hide the pics.

Helpyourself Sat 02-Nov-13 14:22:04

I'm amazed a the harshness shown to you on this thread OP
It's at the least crass and obviously triggering.

edam Sat 02-Nov-13 14:24:17

That is rather unpleasant and I'm not surprised you were upset. But I'm sure your niece didn't intend to cause any distress.

honeybunny14 Sat 02-Nov-13 14:25:08

Yanbu to feel this way but shes not either just hide the pics if its really upsetting

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