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To want to call the Man I married my Husband

(724 Posts)
Mrsdavidcaruso Sat 02-Nov-13 08:44:21

First I am not saying that Marriage is in any way superior and don't want to have a discussion about that, its more how someone wants the the special person in their life to be described or referred to.

The word Partner is exactly the correct term to use for the vast majority of people who are in a relationship but not married, but I do object when someone refers to my Husband, knowing he is my Husband as my Partner when I have made it clear I find it offensive.

If I am in mixed company where other halves are discussed like parent groups/childrens groups then the word Partner is the right word to use, forms with the word Partner on can (and are) changed by me to Husband.

But in a one to one situation I expect the person I am talking to refer to the man I married (not Mr Caruso alas) as My Husband.

I am going into Hospital soon and the Nurse was taking details, and asked me if my Partner would be picking me up after surgery, now just because I am Mrs C on paperwork does not of course mean that I am still married to Mr C so she was right to use the word in that context.

However when I said my Husband would be picking me up she continued to use the word Partner, when I gently and politely explained that I have a Husband not a Partner and I didn’t want her to keep referring to him as my Partner, I got a lecture from her saying ‘we don’t use the words Husband or Wife or Spouse as it discriminates against unmarried and same sex couples ‘.

As I say I can understand that term being used when addressing a group of people all with different situations and I would never in such circumstances demand the word Husband be used just for me in that situation.

But this was just her and myself and surely having established that I wanted to use the term Husband that she should have shown me courtesy and respect by using the same term herself and not giving me a lecture.

I am afraid in the end I got very annoyed and told her I found her attitude personally offensive and terminated the meeting, ( I will find out what I want to on the net).

I am sure there are plenty of people on here who would find it equally offensive to have their Partner referred to as their Husband or Wife when they have made it clear they prefer to use the word Partner.

So I don’t think I am being that unreasonable or am I?

DropYourSword Sat 02-Nov-13 08:53:37

It dIdn't sound like she gave you a lecture at all! She explained why she used the word partner. It makes sense to do this so as not to make assumptions and offend anyone.

NotYoMomma Sat 02-Nov-13 08:54:08

her job is actually to look after you in a medical capacity and ensure you recieve good treatment, your medication, your food and drink, check are responding well etc. a nurse will have hundreds of people to look after.

partner is going to be a lot easier all round and you should get over yourself.

atomicyoghurt Sat 02-Nov-13 08:54:38

Can you please stop giving husband and partner capital letters. Also my.
Très annoying.

And yes YABU.

Why such a fuss?

SarahBumBarer Sat 02-Nov-13 08:54:45

Partner is a catch-all word that most reasonable people would not find offensive. Professionals therefore get into a habit of using the word partner so as not to inadvertently use the word "husband" and perhaps upset someone. This is perfectly sensible and reasonable since their situations are likely to be much more delicate than that of some precious flower determined to have her PARTNER referred to as her husband.

YABU and ridiculous and yes rude. You must have come across as a loon.

PukingCat Sat 02-Nov-13 08:54:57


What the nurse said was sensible i didn't realise they did that.

It is clear that you have a massive chip on your shoulder and should get a hobby or something

maras2 Sat 02-Nov-13 08:55:13

Are you insecure in your relationship/marriage,OP? Your post does sound very OTT for such a non subject.

Llanbobl Sat 02-Nov-13 08:55:32

You are not being unreasonable to want to call the man you married husband.
You are being unreasonable to expect society to pander to your "want"
Partner will he defined in legislation (it is in Social Security legislation) and means a person you are married to or in a CP with or a person you live with as though you were married or in a CP.

SarahBumBarer Sat 02-Nov-13 08:56:05

Does your partner think you are being ridiculous?

Stravy Sat 02-Nov-13 08:56:46

YABU. I prefer partner to husband but I don't get arsey if people say husband as he is my husband as well as being my partner. She has the same conversation with hundreds of people so you can see why she would say partner by default.

NonnoMum Sat 02-Nov-13 08:57:04


I hate the word Partner. Makes me think of country dancing.

perplexedpirate Sat 02-Nov-13 08:57:29

I find it offensive when people use 'myself' when they mean 'me'.
But, whatever.

D0G Sat 02-Nov-13 08:57:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Norfolknway Sat 02-Nov-13 08:57:42

Crikey. Get over yourself!!

Who cares? Partner/ husband/ Dave/ fella?!!

TBH, out of all of them I refer to mine by his name. Because, that's his name.

BroodyTroody Sat 02-Nov-13 08:57:45

Sorry OP, YABU. The poor girl must work in a minefield when discussing partners/other half etc and 'partner' is a catch all term that is indiscriminate!

Mrsdavidcaruso Sat 02-Nov-13 08:58:07

Sarah My Husband gets more annoyed than me if someone calls me his Partner and not his Wife

SirChenjin Sat 02-Nov-13 08:58:09

YANBU in my book.

You've acknowledged situations where it's appropriate to use the term partner, but here you have expressed your preference and the nurse has ignored it - very unprofessional and goes against any number of NHS policy documents.

dawntigga Sat 02-Nov-13 08:58:25

Dear goddess woman! Have a grip }{


PukingCat Sat 02-Nov-13 08:58:30

Does your marriage define you?

atomicyoghurt Sat 02-Nov-13 08:58:42

Haha nonno

SarahBumBarer Sat 02-Nov-13 08:58:46

Well at least you didn't spoil two families.

Stropzilla Sat 02-Nov-13 08:58:49

I find it offensive when people capitalise random words!

Beccagain Sat 02-Nov-13 08:59:10

I admire your disclaimer at the beginning MrsCaruso, and totally agree with it, but I think your feeling offended would carry more weight and be more justified if you did actually think that marriage was a superior state.

As it is, you are getting wound up over precisely nothing imho, and as many others have said, professional staff are following protocol and really don't have the time to discuss your semantic preferences with you.

btw I ALWAYS refer to Mr Gain as my husband!

AuntyEntropy Sat 02-Nov-13 08:59:24

She was a bit silly (because continuing to use a non-specific term when you've made it clear which version applies to you is unnecessary - I'm sure she didn't continue to say "and he or she can visit from 8 until 8" once you'd said that your OH was a man). But you are overreacting unreasonably to her minor lapse. And it's quite possible that she finds "partner" a newfangled concept that she's finding it difficult to train herself to use, hence she doesn't want to use "husband" at all at work in case she lapses back in circumstances where it's inappropriate.

MOIST Sat 02-Nov-13 08:59:34

You really need to get out more. Find something real to get worked up about.

KirjavaTheCat Sat 02-Nov-13 08:59:50

Did you spend lots on your wedding, by any chance?

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