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to think dh should swap cars with me now ds is here?

(104 Posts)
pumpkinsoda Wed 30-Oct-13 12:21:39

We have one car each, mine a 3 door hatchback and quite low to the ground which I bought well before dcs were in the planning. He's got an estate which we bought after we discussed to ttc.
Whilst pg I mentioned we should swap cars when lo has arrived and he agreed.
Ds is now 7wks old born after emc so I'm still a bit tender and struggle to get him into the rear seat and strap his car seat in. He can't go into the front because the airbag can't be switched off. Furthermore we have a large GSD cross and physically I cannot get the baby in the car with the pram in the boot and the dog. He's too big to sit on the front seat and he can't sit next to baby whilst I drive as it's too dangerous if I have to suddenly brake and he might fall onto lo. I do have to take dog in car to go to the woods as walking would be too far.
Now I asked dh to swap cars with me as all he needs it for is going to work (20min drive) and he doesn't need the space whereas I do. He refused stating that he feels like he's sitting in a bathtub (wtf) whilst driving my car and I should just cope with it.
This morning he took his car to work knowing full well I have a GP appointmnent and I struggle getting the lo in my car because of the cs wound.
Aibu to think he's being selfish driving the big estate whilst I have to struggle with my little hatchback?

specialsubject Wed 30-Oct-13 12:23:26

sounds like the excess item is the dog. Tell your husband that you either swap cars or the dog gets rehomed/put down, as you can't manage it with the baby.

BTW dogs should NEVER be on the front seat!

toastandmarmiterocks Wed 30-Oct-13 12:24:09

Of course he IBU, and you know it!

Hegsy Wed 30-Oct-13 12:25:29

YANBU, your DH is being a selfish @rse.

vtechjazz Wed 30-Oct-13 12:26:39 don't like having to suffer, do they. Poor diddums feels funny driving your car?? Fuck that. Tonight steal the keys. Tell him to go fuck himself for putting his pathetic weirdo feelings over the safety and comfort of his family.

This has pissed me off.

Mouldypineapple Wed 30-Oct-13 12:26:46

Yes he's selfish. Mention it to your GP and then say "the GP says.." You need to protect your scar or you'll end up getting a hernia. The area will be weak for quite a while. Is he normally this selfish?

FunkyFucker Wed 30-Oct-13 12:42:21

Feels like he is in a bathtub? Try it with a baby and a dog. Eejit.

ipswichwitch Wed 30-Oct-13 12:45:00

yes he's being a selfish arse. why should you have to "cope with it" when he aparently can't cope with driving a bathtub.
DH swapped cars with me when DS came along for similar reasons - yes he will have the odd whinge about how shit my car is but he fully accepts that this is the way it has to be for a while until we can get a new (better) car

territt Wed 30-Oct-13 12:46:17

Could you not look at selling your car and getting something more suitable?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 30-Oct-13 12:48:02

YANBU, he's being a selfish twat.

FeisMom Wed 30-Oct-13 12:48:36

Why not sell your car and buy something that meets your needs

FeisMom Wed 30-Oct-13 12:48:50

x post with Territ

PrimalLass Wed 30-Oct-13 12:49:16

YANBU. Tell him it is either swap or you need a new car.

Theodorous Wed 30-Oct-13 12:52:14

I don't think the op was looking for anti dog advice. Many people find it perfectly acceptable to keep their dog after having a baby. The rest dump them in rescue and leave the rest of us to pick up the pieces. What a silly and inappropriate response.

Simple answer, if he won't swap trade in little car for a lovely shiny big one that he will be coveting.

territt Wed 30-Oct-13 12:52:16

I think calling him a twat is a bit over the top, I know I couldn't drive a smaller car. always had larger cars and when I have borrowed small ones I always feel uncomfortable.

the best idea surely is that your car isn't suitable and you need to change it :-) then you get to find one you like.

Theodorous Wed 30-Oct-13 12:53:41

FFs get the dog put Down/rehome. Barmy.

beecrazy Wed 30-Oct-13 12:57:04

Have DH put down, job done!

Theodorous Wed 30-Oct-13 12:58:38

Yes he is surplus to needs now a baby is here. Sorry op for derailing. Go buy a lovely big 4x4 with all extras and never let him use it.

pumpkinsoda Wed 30-Oct-13 12:59:43

There is no way I would get rid of the dog, he's mine. Dh would prob love for the dog to be rehomed, he couldn't even be bothered to walk him whilst I was in hospital for a week after birth.
Would be great if I'd have the money to change cars. If I'd suggest it he'd say we've got a perfectly fine family car (which he won't give to me).
To the poster asking whether he's usually selfish the answer is yes but I kind of always tolerated it before lo. But now lo is here it really grinds on me.
Fgs he hardly even visited us in hospital, even the nurse commented on it and asked whether he was working. When I told her he was on paternity leave her face was a picture.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 30-Oct-13 13:03:22

Maybe, but he's going back on a pre arranged agreement. Why should the OP have to change the car?

Handbagsonnhold Wed 30-Oct-13 13:07:56

Tell him he will have to sit in your f'ing "bathtub" n like it as you need to swap cars to ensure the safety of your new baby and your 'post operative' self. What a selfish individual he sounds ugghhhh!

Wibblypiglikesbananas Wed 30-Oct-13 13:08:37

In which case, it sounds like you have much bigger problems than the car and the dog. I had a c-section last week, DH came to the hospital three or four times a day - once before taking DD1 to nursery for the morning, for a couple of hours whilst she was there, back again for us all to have lunch together and then again in the early evening. And I wouldn't have expected anything less - I'd have done the same for him if he were in hospital. I'm not sharing this as a boast, rather I think it's really odd that a new father would leave his vulnerable partner and newborn alone in hospital for so long. Why?! What else was so important that he couldn't be there for you?

The car situation is ridiculous. You had major surgery bringing his child into the world and he is actively making your recovery worse by not swapping cars. All that twisting and turning to get into the back with the baby and car seat is not good. At all.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 30-Oct-13 13:12:18

I take it back, he sounds utterly selfish. He didn't visit you much in hospital? Wtf was he doing? Does he do much with your baby? I almost hate to ask...

HazleNutt Wed 30-Oct-13 13:13:09

he was on paternity leave and didn't even visit the baby in the hospital??

Not suggesting anything, youknow, drastic, but I'm sure we would all help you to hide the body..

Just hide his keys.

WooWooOwl Wed 30-Oct-13 13:17:45

He's being very selfish if he won't even swop with you until your scar has fully healed. He should absolutely swop with you for the time being, and if you don't even need the car every day then he has no excuse.

In the long term I don't think it would be a problem having a baby with a three door hatchback, that's what I used until dc2 was 3yo. It sounds like the dog will be the problem in the future, as if he doesn't really want the dog and you do, then it is you that should make the sacrifice for it. Is there anywhere else that you can walk the dog?

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