Over ILs taking us away

[notonnelly]

Okay, we tend not to go away with DD (1) as she doesn't sleep that well when we are away and is generally just much happier at home.

It was in the in laws wedding anniversary and they wanted to go away for a weekend to celebrate with the family. That is MIL's mum, DH, me and DD, their other son. It was to be in a hotel which we weren't mad keen on as DD won't go to sleep if we are in the room (meaning WTF do we do when she goes down for the night?). ILs know how she is. ILs are retired, but very young and active retired. Think golf/tennis everyday.

But fine, they wanted this weekend in this hotel, so we went along. They very kindly were paying. They said they really wanted this weekend to spend lots of time with DD. They live 5 mins along the road.

SO, on the Friday night they book dinner at 7pm in a pretty formal place in the hotel, expecting DD to join. We managed, but had to get her away early as she was so knackered. Then once she was tucked up in bed I had to sit on the hotel corridor reading a book whilst they all had drinks in the bar. We told them we would be down for breakfast with DD about 7.30 - 8.30. They said, oh well, we set our alarm for 8.30, we will see you later on in the day.

Saturday, they arrange sporting stuff to go an do and not stuff DD can come along for.

Then Saturday night they arrange a formal private dinner at 8pm. DD cannot come and is not the sort of baby that would sleep in the room in a buggy. So, I am pretty much pressurised into doing that phone monitor thing and I hated it, hated it. And then again, I have to sit in the corridor once dinner is over and they have drinks.

I thought it would have been nice to have a more relaxed early dinner that DD could have joined in on!

Same scenario at breakfast the next day.

So, it just leaves me wondering, why the fuck did they ask us, why did they want this 'family' weekend. I am not expecting people to bend over backwards to accomodate our somewhat rigid DD, but bloody nora, they hardly saw her and I spent alot of time camped out in a cold hotel corridor. Why bother?

AIBU, I think I may be a little as it was a nice thought to pay for us to go away with them, but it was a pretty hellish weekend all in all!

[pictish]

How old is dd?

[notonnelly]

1 year old.

[fridgealwaysfull]

A lot of older people seem to forget what it's like to deal with a one year old. It probably sounded great...dinners together, activities together but then the reality was that they wanted to eat at 8pm, way past her bed time. I'm sure it wasn't deliberate. Just learn from it and next time they suggest it say you'll need interconnecting rooms so that you won't be sitting out in the corridor when she's in bed.

[pictish]

The probably just assumed you would be a bit more flexible.

[littlewhitebag]

I would have to say (and expect to get shot down in flames) how have you got to the stage that your DD is so inflexible? I would have popped mine in the buggy and pushed around until they were asleep and expected her to fit around whatever was going on. I realise i am old school though and maybe this is not what is done now.

I also think your in laws wanted you to be with them to celebrate their anniversary. Why wouldn't they? They were hardly likely to choose something to suit you and your child. They wanted to do what they wanted. If you thought it wouldn't work you could have not gone. Or perhaps got your parents/friends/relatives to look after your child for the weekend to allow you to attend child free.

[CaptainSweatPants]

It says in the first line dd is 1

I agree with you

If they live 5 minutes away surely they can see her more often
They could have arranged a meal at lunchtime
My dad is like this, would rather eat later, lie in etc

[ThePinkOcelot]

I don't understand the sitting in the corridor scenario. Why did you do that? Why not just stay in the room with your dd?

[Lariflete]

YANBU - even lovely gestures can sometimes be ill-considered.
Our DD and DS are the same - they have fairly rigid routines (DD a little bit better as she gets a bit older) but my parents can not comprehend the hell on earth that ensues later that night and all the next day if they don't get to bed on time!

[pictish]

Oh yes...so it does...sorry.

I mostly agree with littlewhitebag.

[CoffeeTea103]

It was their weekend and even though they spent a little time with you it was nice of them to include everyone. Your DH must have been happy to celebrate with his parents. It's one weekend, it's over now and no need to dwell on it. You seem very restricted by your dd. What would you do in emergency/ unplanned situations.

[firesidechat]

Why did you have to sit in the corridor rather than stay in the bedroom?

Why did you hate the phone monitor? I only ask because I've never used one and not too sure how they work.

I'm not one of those people who believe that children should fit around their parents and that babies don't change your life, but it strikes me that possibly encouraging your child to be more flexible might be a good idea. Don't you ever go on holiday now? I don't mean abroad (we didn't try a plane journey until ours were about 10) but a self catering holiday in this country could be a break for you all.

I don't think that it had to be a hellish weekend.

[notonnelly]

How have I got to the stage my DD is so inflexible? Are you shitting me? How have I got to the stage? It is the way she is. I have tried, god knows I have tried to get her to sleep where ever/whenever, but she won't. She just won't. Even the midwives in hospital were commenting on how difficult she was to settle and it has never changed. She is a light sleeper. If I tried (oh christ) to get her to sleep in a room where her parents and grandparents were having dinner, it would be a farce. Littlewhitebag perhaps you should have a wee gander at the sleep boards an develop some empathy for those of us who don't have flexible babies. All children are different.

Furthermore littlewhite the ILs wanted DD there, they were desperate for her to be there.

[Mim78]

Wondered why DH couldn't take turns with you sitting in the corridor if this had to be done?

[firesidechat]

littlewhtebag, I was thinking the same as you about possible being a bit old school myself. Mine are all grown up now, but young children are in some ways the most flexible. We dragged ours around all over the place and they soon learnt to sleep anywhere. Travel cots are great and we wouldn't have had a social life without one.

[pictish]

So let her stay up a bit later?

[notonnelly]

fireside A SC cottage is a different kettle of fish. There you can settle DD and then go and have a evening to yourself (just like at home) knowing your DC are close.

In the hotel her room was over a 10 minute walk away from where the meal was. I was not comfortable leaving her in the hotel room like that. I think there are a lot of parents on here who don't like doing that (from the threads I have read anyway).

[firesidechat]

Ooops just seen your last post OP. Think I will bow out now before you get annoyed with me too. I was trying to help, sorry.

[notonnelly]

I really don't think it is a case of being old school. you had flexible children! Some are, some aren't. God knows I have tried with her, but if you kid won't sleep anywhere, they won't sleep anywhere, you cannot bloody make them! DD is wonderful in many many ways, but flexibility ain't one of her strong points! We have tried taking her away at various times and it has always ended in tears!

[FantasticMax]

I sympathise, my DD is like this too (though getting a bit better at nearly 2). I am very envious of those with easy to settle babies that go to sleep anywhere!

In fairness they probably forgot what life is like with a baby in tow. You survived it though and can take heart from the fact that if you do it again next year your DC will probably be a bit more flexible.

I would try and keep taking your DD away overnight to get used to it, though. That can't be much fun being so rigid with what you can and can't do.

[HissyFucker]

Jaysus, my DS would need his bed bombing to wake him up... NOW, but aged 1yo? hell tothe screaming big no!

Inflexible my arse! OP, your weekend sounded hard, and I agree, they invited you all, paid for it, so great, but did everything that suited THEM! The formal dinner is a joke, lunch/high tea would have been a more family friendly idea, but you weren't the one calling the shots.

How does your H feel about it all? I, for one, don't think YABU.

[HissyFucker]

If it helps any OP, it does, really does get better! (((hug)))

[WipsGlitter]

I know you'll flame me but...

Sitting in the corridor was utter madness. And martyrish. If it was going to be that bad you should have insisted on interconnecting rooms.

[firesidechat]

By the way, the self catering suggestion was in response to this:

Okay, we tend not to go away with DD (1) as she doesn't sleep that well when we are away and is generally just much happier at home.

rather than the weekend you've just had. I do realise that this wasn't what you asked about though.

[Dorris83]

I understand OP.
There isn't an option for my DS to 'be a bit more flexible'. If he isn't in bed by 7 he is incredibly unsettled and will be distraught.
It won't be forever but he needs his bedtime to feel safe and secure and it's not fair on him to change that.
Sounds like a rubbish weekend all round. Shame they didn't share the times of the meals beforehand so you could have discussed what would be realistic for dd.