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to object to my boss having a "close friendship" with one of the team

(13 Posts)
aslongasheneedsme Sun 27-Oct-13 15:05:31

Have worked happily within a team of 8 colleagues for over 10 years. We have always been treated equally and fairly by our male boss. Lately we've noticed that one of us has been receiving favourable treatment over the rest of us e.g. overtime for non-essential trips, first dibs on her timetable. She has also boasted that they go out every weekend. He's married, she's not and has admitted that she's fancied him since she started. She also seems to know personal info about the rest of us, things we told him in confidence. Can't discuss with his deputy as she says "How high?" when he tells her to jump.

Euphemia Sun 27-Oct-13 15:11:44

Tell HR.

APartridgeAmongThePigeons Sun 27-Oct-13 15:11:54

YANBU. can you take it over his head?

HellMouthCusty Sun 27-Oct-13 15:15:15

nothing romantic in my example - but last year i really suffered becuase i managed the best friend of MY manager - so i spoke to the staff member about flagrant abuse of a policy we had and the next thing you know, my manager made a huge issue over a tiny thing in my 121, i went to counselling over it, i went to HR, we went to mediation - everything

i usually am more positive op - but having been in your situation - kinda - all i can say is that - you're screwed, if you make a thing out of it your manager will get you one way or another

JoinYourPlayfuckers Sun 27-Oct-13 15:15:26


You should tell HR.

QuacksForDoughnuts Sun 27-Oct-13 15:18:12

The simplest thing might be to ignore it and let the pair of them crash and burn, which they will if they're doing anything they won't want senior colleagues or partners to find out about. Do you and the rest of your team get on well enough to survive any fallout?

Thinking about it, I feel sorry for her and for anyone else who is getting preferential treatment based on being someone's 'special friend' rather than on their work. This is because a) it's unlikely that what they have will blossom into a long-term stable relationship, it's more likely to end with them hating each other and her in the worse position as the more junior colleague; and b) anything she achieves on her own merits will look suspect. Trust me, I'm a spousal hire - I have had to work extra hard to prove that I have some worth beyond the organisation's desire to keep hold of OH.

aslongasheneedsme Sun 27-Oct-13 15:18:48

Yes I could take it over his head but the @h!t would really hit the fan if I did as he is very "precious" about his team and he and his line manager have fallen out before over his relaxed attitude to management. I shouldn't' t let it get to me as I'm due to retire soon but it's leaving a nasty taste in my mouth for my last few months.

Chusband Sun 27-Oct-13 15:22:48

If you do take it over his head, I'd stick to the professional stuff about overtime, timetables etc.. Let them reach their own conclusion about a possible affair. After all, you don't know for sure.

APartridgeAmongThePigeons Sun 27-Oct-13 15:30:47

No dn't say affair, but that they hang outside of work is relevant if she knows personal info about colleagues that she shouldnt be party to

Beastofburden Sun 27-Oct-13 15:35:24

Why not arrange some social events, involving partners, so his wife can meet her?

JumpingJackSprat Sun 27-Oct-13 15:40:20

I would be extremely pissed off if my manner was telling people stuff I had told her in confidence. As long as I was sure I hadn't told anyone else at all I would be complaining to hr.

ImperialFucker Sun 27-Oct-13 15:46:45

I agree - I would definitely pull him up on that. It's quite easy to do, just have a private meeting with him and say, "I'm really concerned that I told you X in confidence and now I find Y knows about it. Can you tell me how that happened?" Then eye ball him.

travailtotravel Sun 27-Oct-13 15:53:24

Its a toughie. I would be inclined to wait for the crash and burn, and be very circumspect about what i told my boss in the meantime.

Or catch him out with something - talk to him about something, and ask him to keep it confidential. If moddom seems to find out, challenge him on it. Might be a flag to him that you've got his number but in a non threatening way. Depends if you want to warn him or get him into trouble.

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