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AIBU if I wince every time I see a baby wrap? (warning: mention of harm to babies)

(40 Posts)
CanucksoontobeinLondon Sat 26-Oct-13 21:07:17

This should actually be titled IKIBU (I know I'm being unreasonable) rather than AIBU, because I know full well that I'm being totally unreasonable.

About a month ago I had a dream that DD (actually aged 4) was still an infant and I was "wearing" her in one of those fabric baby wraps. In the dream, the fabric slipped, she fell and was killed. Very upsetting sort of nightmare to have, but the worst part is now every time I see someone wearing a baby, my heart rate speeds up, I get very tense, and I start to imagine them falling and being killed.

And it's not going away. If anything it's getting worse. At first it was just the fabric baby wraps that made me go mental, but now I'm experiencing the same reaction when I see a baby in a Snugli, even though they're much more sturdily built. It's driving me nuts. Please note that I have no tragic baby-falls-from-baby-wrap backstory, nor have I ever heard of accidents occurring with them. In fact, DH and i used to use them ourselves when the kids were babies, although we only ever used a Snugli, not the fabric kind.

Yesterday I was in Tim Horton's, and saw a man with a baby in a Snugli. I had to bite my tongue to stop from asking this total stranger if he was sure his baby was buckled in securely. Both the area where we live and the area where I work are filled with families with young children, so I see this sort of thing a lot. It's getting to the point where I'm considering going back into therapy to deal with the anxiety of seeing total strangers wearing their babies. Which is ridiculous, but there you go.

DH says it's just stress and it'll go away in time. I have been under a lot of stress lately, but not remotely baby or baby wearing-related stress (move and family stuff). This is just such a silly neurosis to have, but have it I do. Anybody here ever experienced anything similar or am I alone in my craziness? Thanks.

madamginger Sat 26-Oct-13 21:26:05

Baby carriers/wraps should always be knee to knee, that is the fabric should support them all the way across. Baby Bjorn's and others like them are very bad for baby hips.

umberellaonesie Sat 26-Oct-13 21:32:52

madamginger - baby bjorn type carriers are not bad for 'normal' baby's hips. They may be uncomfy for baby and mother but they are not very bad for either user unless the baby has an underlying hip issue.

CanucksoontobeinLondon Sat 26-Oct-13 21:34:52

Thanks everybody, I appreciate not being told I'm nuts.

I've decided to call my old therapist's office on Monday and see if one of her former colleagues can see me (it's a group practice). She retired in May (stupid therapist, daring to retire when I still had issues to work out!) and at the time I had no desire to start with someone new. But it seems like my mind is trying to tell me something. Probably best to pay attention.

cafecito Sat 26-Oct-13 21:35:50

isn't this a it like the imp of the perverse thoughts - yes often stress linked, eg seeing a train and thinking - I could just step out.

but yours is fluffier and a bit less worrying than that

I think it's normal and lots of people have these thoughts about lots of things. I think it is stress linked and it will go away when you are feeling better otherwise. I think you would be unreasonable to actually judge parents who use slings (they are fantastic) and I know that's not what you mean. how many slings have you seen rolling in front of a train on cctv in the news, or tragically hit by a vehicle? I'd say they are statistically going to be safer, at a guess.

I also wince when I see big tall people carrying small children on their shoulders in the city, I worry they'll trip and child will be in A&E pronto with a nasty head injury.

but yes - yab a bit u to worry but hopefully you now realise it's not just you who has thoughts like it and hope your stresses or anxiety levels become better soon.

cafecito Sat 26-Oct-13 21:37:10

sorry x posts. I think it's really good that you have the self awareness to post about it and have seen it might just be a sign of underlying problems or things that could be addressed. hope you start feeling better soon.

TwerkingNineToFive Sat 26-Oct-13 21:42:56

Do you have a 'safe place thought' you could think about when you start to worry about this stuff. Something like next Christmas or a memory of a holiday? Just an idea.

PBeanandGone Sat 26-Oct-13 21:44:07

Im glad you starfted this thread. sorry you are getting intrusive thoughts though.

I have had three different slings now. a wrap, a baby bjorn and a baba....I keep being told that the baby bjorn is not supportive. Her legs kind of dangle. Sometimes her bum looks sore after an hour or two. The baba is a nightmare to do up, it also feels too big and as if she cant breathe in it. The wrap makes me panic when trying to get her out. She feels tangled up and i worry she will fall out. I feel a bit stressed with it really.

pomdereplay Sat 26-Oct-13 21:50:16

PBean, see if you have a local Slingmeet you can get to -- they are fab with helping you find a carrier (and carries!) that work for you. Or if you're near central Southampton I would love to help!

As others have said OP these intrusive thoughts are so common, and slings aren't anything to do with it. Please don't worry, I think this is quite a normal part of being a mum.

cantsleep Sat 26-Oct-13 21:50:34

Intrusive thoughts, now I know what they are.for years I have had this and it is horrible.

I love dcs but out of nowhere I can be pushing the buggy and think to myself " I could push it in the road" I notice when I think this that my knuckles are white from gripping the handle so tight.

I have all sorts of similarly worrying thoughts like this and have to tell myself to stop it.

Like the idea of a 'safe place thought' I will be using that as a coping strategy.

pianodoodle Sat 26-Oct-13 21:58:22

Good idea about going to see someone. In the meantime, re: the sling anxiety, it might help to think that even if a buckle did come loose no parent would let the baby fall. It's instinct - they might pull every muscle in their body catching it but that baby wouldn't get near the ground x

CanucksoontobeinLondon Sat 26-Oct-13 22:01:47

PBeanandgone, I hope things get sorted out for you. Having a good sling/wrap/bjorn/whatever is invaluable when the baby wants to be held but you need your hands free for other tasks. Which is most of the time.

I also think a "safe place thought" is a great idea, and I'll be trying it.

onepieceoflollipop Sat 26-Oct-13 22:03:22

Not sure if this will help or not...but for us pianodoodle's theory was right. Years ago our sling came loose and dh instinctively caught dd in plenty of time. (and his reactions are not usually speedy)

WooWooCaChoo Sat 26-Oct-13 22:09:09

Is it connected to OCD do you think? I know Pure OCD is very much centered around intrusive thoughts, maybe everyone is on the scale somewhere. It could be worth looking at the coping techniques for this though.

MakeHayIsAWhaleNow Sat 26-Oct-13 22:24:26

Oh I hate these intrusive thoughts - I frequently wake in the night with visions of something horrible happening to one of the dc, and also get he bridges thing. And the dream I had of dd drowned in the bath....shudder. I took a long time to relax about her baths. You have my sympathy, OP - I hope you are able to get back to your counsellor and it helps.

OneUp Sat 26-Oct-13 23:08:25

PBean have you tried Rose & Rebellion, Ergo or Connecta carriers??

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