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To say DH can't go to his Xmas work party?

(240 Posts)
Unknownmember Sat 26-Oct-13 16:42:25

So DH's work Xmas do is on a Saturday and includes an overnight stay in a hotel, as it's really a get as drunk as you want party. He really wants to go to this.

But it's the same day as DC1 3rd birthday. I said no as I think he should be at home celebrating. I was thinking we would go out for the morning and have a few of our closest friends over for cake later in the day.

He think it's ok to go and then come back Sunday afternoon and celebrate then.

I do have issues with him and his drinking, and also have said that he places too much importance on what other people think of him. And this is happening at a detriment to our marriage.


YouTheCat Sat 26-Oct-13 16:45:24

Is the birthday on the Saturday or the Sunday?

ENormaSnob Sat 26-Oct-13 16:45:59


And controlling.

LowLevelWhinging Sat 26-Oct-13 16:47:08

can he not celebrate during the day and go to the do at night?

Methe Sat 26-Oct-13 16:48:03

Oh please! tell him he can't go.. You're not his owner!

I don't think his work christmas party is the thing causing issues with our marriage.

MommyBird Sat 26-Oct-13 16:48:23

Can't he just go out on the saturday night, have a few and come home?

Unknownmember Sat 26-Oct-13 16:48:41

His birthday is on the Saturday. But if I go on his regular pattern of what he is like, he wouldn't be home till Sunday afternoon.

DC would be having his nap and then we would have about two or three hours before his bed time

Methe Sat 26-Oct-13 16:48:44

your marriage that would be.

MikeLitorisBites Sat 26-Oct-13 16:49:07

Yabu imo.

A 3rd birthday isnt a biggie to us and could easily be celebrated another day.

My ds' birthday is Dec 12th and for the last few years his bday has been around my Christmas do. I've alwats gone to my parties.

Dp would never dictate to me where and when I could go out and I wouldnt ever do it to him.

kinkyfuckery Sat 26-Oct-13 16:49:26

I am assuming Dcs birthday is the following day...

Can he make it back early, or not stay overnight?

BasilFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 16:49:34

I think it sounds like the drinking is the real problem and so is his reliance on other people's opinions.

But I don't think it's OK for him to go and assume he can come back and celebrate his DC's birthday on Sunday afternoon, the assumption being that you'll have done all the work and preparation for it.

Basically he's wanting to be out for the greater part of his DC's birthday weekend then stroll in as if he's a guest while the work of preparing it has all been dumped on you. Not reasonable.

But tbh if you have a problem with his drinking, that's far more important IMO.

Ihatemytoes Sat 26-Oct-13 16:50:08


kinkyfuckery Sat 26-Oct-13 16:50:13

So he celebrates the Dcs birthday on the Saturday, then goes to his works do.

Where's the problem?

MikeLitorisBites Sat 26-Oct-13 16:50:50

So whats the problem with him spending Saturday morning and early afternoon with ds then going off to the the party and home sunday?

curiousgeorgie Sat 26-Oct-13 16:50:58

I would probably ask my DH not to go, rather than telling him, if I really didn't want him to. He'll only resent you if you make him stay, then it won't be enjoyable anyway?

dexter73 Sat 26-Oct-13 16:50:59

'I said no' - jeepers, who made you the boss? YABU.

sapfu Sat 26-Oct-13 16:51:06

At this stage, YABU.

Celebrate in the afternoon and he can go out in the evening.

But having reread your last paragraph, I suspect this is nothing to do with your dc's birthday and more to do with other stuff.

WilsonFrickett Sat 26-Oct-13 16:51:26

I don't understand why you can't do that on the Saturday and then he can go to his do, surely it's in the evening?

sapfu Sat 26-Oct-13 16:51:29

What time would he leave on the saturday, to go to the work do?

SofaKing Sat 26-Oct-13 16:51:45

Yanbu. If he is drinking enough to cause you marital problems, he should not go on a bender the night before his son's birthday. There is a risk he will be hungover and ruin the day and I doubt you will forgive him for that if there already issues stemming from his drinking.

LowLevelWhinging Sat 26-Oct-13 16:52:07

I really don't understand this.

Why does it matter what time he comes home on Sunday if DC's birthday is Saturday? confused


HappyMummyOfOne Sat 26-Oct-13 16:52:07

He is not a child and telling another adult they cannot do something is wrong.

Why cant you just fit the cake in around it, the child is 3 and wont know any difference. Do you really invite your friends for a childs birthday cake?

YouTheCat Sat 26-Oct-13 16:52:25

I don't see the problem. You celebrate your child's birthday before he goes off on his drinking binge. confused

BasilFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 16:52:45

Yes what's wrong with doing your DC's birthday party on the Saturday (so he can do preparation for it as well)? Is there an issue with guest's availability?

Or is it that you're scared he'll go to the party and get roaring drunk and have a hangover next day?

MommyBird Sat 26-Oct-13 16:52:53

Cant he celebrate on the saturday day/afternoon then go out on the night?

I can see where you're coming from if i'm being honest.

The drinking is the main problem.

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