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Would we be mad to live apart M to F to save for future security?

(18 Posts)
PeppiNephrine Thu 24-Oct-13 15:58:54

north, not south. As far up as coastal east meath is only an hour or less.

working9while5 Thu 24-Oct-13 14:55:01

Where Peppi? I've seen nothing under 1100 euro including Bray, Greystones etc. Is there somewhere we're not looking? I've seen places eg in Arklow but I won't be working initially with three small kiddos and if he's going to be gone 7 to 7 say with a lengthy commute family support would trump this sort of set up. I am a bit wary of commuter belt distances as I've commuted for eight years between 2 UK cities and though the train part is a mere 20 mins the whole journey takes an hour and a half each way. I could actually almost commute faster to central London from oop North than the 15 miles I do here... Guess we need to look into it as so much depends on distances between stations and home/work and employer

We both have friends in Dublin and are at an age many are now returning... but who knows how that will be in reality.. been a long time. I think renting out here might work.

We're v fortunate really in so many ways but feels hugely daunting nonetheless!

Lilacroses Thu 24-Oct-13 14:24:27

Not in your exact situation but myself and DP have lived apart for 4 days of the week for the entirety of our relationship because her job is very specialised and is down South but she doesn't want to live there. The only times it is really difficult are if she also has to go abroad for work for several weeks. Seeing each other mainly at the weekend is pretty ok but we only have 1 dd who is now 11.

The main problems we've found is that you do feel out of touch with each other sometimes (contact is alot easier now though with skype etc), at very stressful times at home (DD and MIL ill, pressure at work) I have become resentful that she is "away from it all". She gets very tired from her commute and is often exhausted at the weekends not wanting to go out whereas I have been home all week and am very keen to go out. Some friends and family members don't entirely appreciate that we only have this short time together at the weekend and are a bit protective of it.

Generally though it works fine and it is the way it needs to be for now. The alternative, us moving closer to her work, is something neither of us want.

I hope things work out for you all.

DontmindifIdo Thu 24-Oct-13 14:13:40

What would your UK house rent out for? Rather than stepping off the ladder, restarting a life in Ireland with no safety net for coming back (esp are they are suggesting house prices are due to go up again in the UK shortly), I'd try renting out your UK house first.

If you can do this, you can then still pay off your mortgage in the UK with the rent income, it wouldn't seem as 'dead' money to be renting in Ireland. If yo'uve been away for 12 years and never worked there, I'm guessing you're starting again, building friendship networks, getting to know people, your DH starting a new job, you might not like this new life.

Lots of people manage the living apart in the week thing, I guess it depends what your DH is like if he'll like it, you'll have family support, but he'll be in the city on his own, working in a new job, in a country he's not lived in (so not lots of close friends) for 12 years. He might be very lonely and it's more likely he'll be the one to hate it.

Pigsmummy Thu 24-Oct-13 14:13:38

Don't drive! The mad cow roundabout is hell in peak times, the train lines are great, quiet, there was a report published about declining numbers on trains which has resulted in fares freeze and quieter trains. Places like Carlow are a nice commute, cheaper rent and great communities for raising a family. I would look into other options before deciding to live apart tbh however if you decide to live apart then it's only for a short time, some people do this for years and survive, we are recently wed and like each other still but in a few years I might suggest that Pigsdaddy takes "the lodge" (works away Mon-Fri).

PeppiNephrine Thu 24-Oct-13 14:03:35

you don't need to pay anything like 1k£stg a month! you can get a 3 bed for 700€ a month in a seaside village less than an hour from the city centre on the train.

ExitPursuedByABogieMan Thu 24-Oct-13 13:56:27

I think it sounds like a great idea. It would only be for a finite period.

Milkjug Thu 24-Oct-13 13:56:23

I know quite a few people who do Galway-Dublin weekly commutes, though more because of jobs being in different cities than saving on rent.

Forester Thu 24-Oct-13 13:39:45

If you have a good relationship with your family that you think would still work after living with for a year I think your suggestion could work. The main practical downside of living apart is lack of support - but if your family can help then that's not such an issue.

Also depending on what your DH does there may be scope for flexible working e.g. working from home on a Friday / working 4 long days getting the fifth off.

Good luck

working9while5 Thu 24-Oct-13 13:39:09

Not too pushed about living with parents aspect. My sister did it and my brother in law with dh's family, both our families started off living with their parents as couples with young children. It's not ideal as an adult with kids but much of this is far from ideal.

When my sister and partner lived with my family they had a separate living room etc and my mum and stepdad are both retired and travel a huge amount, my mum spends a lot of time in Dublin herself.

It's more the emotional toll and deciding is saving a good whack of money worth it in the long run or if staying together at this point with young kids is more important.

Beccagain Thu 24-Oct-13 13:26:17

My family live about an hour and a half from the Red Cow roundabout directly off motorway. ... so not close but okay for weekends.

Three hours a day would be exhausting but do-able. Could you all live with your DP's and so save even faster (or would fuel costs be pretty much the same as utilities in your SDad's flat?)

But having said that, the weekly commute, doesn't sound that horrendous...your DH could spend three nights a week with you, and you would have family support while he was away...

pixiepotter Thu 24-Oct-13 13:23:54

I think living with your parents is a recipe for disaster

working9while5 Thu 24-Oct-13 13:21:16

I suppose I forget about Luas etc.

Just have this nightmare of throwing away all our money on rent. When you think of a year's rent being 12k it makes me feel faint....

All the commuter belt rents even down in Wicklow Kildare etc seem to be about a thousand.

My family live about an hour and a half from the Red Cow roundabout directly off motorway. ... so not close but okay for weekends.

Point about buying in a year is interesting. ..

House prices in Dublin have just started to go up again, so you would want to be sure that you are saving at a rate higher than that (otherwise your deposit will still only be the same percentage of the house value, and your mortgage will be bigger).

If I were you and were definitely coming back I'd be looking to buy within a year - so even if your DH comes over first, get him to start looking from about 6 months in.

You'll get a very decent 3-4 bed house in the suburbs for £1K approx a month if you do decide to rent first - transport is much better than it used to be with the two Luas lines, the DART, certain bus routes etc.

PeppiNephrine Thu 24-Oct-13 13:04:46

Why not just rent in the commuter belt? Rents are cheap an hour from Dublin, and commuting doesn't cost much, and schools are easier to get into.

TEErickOrTEEreat Thu 24-Oct-13 13:04:36

Well, plenty of people do it, even though it isn't easy. How far is it from Dublin to your family? Is it a quick jaunt for mid-week things (if they happen) or hours long journey?

Glad you're still Irish. smile

working9while5 Thu 24-Oct-13 13:00:35

We are still Irish hmm

working9while5 Thu 24-Oct-13 13:00:06

DH and I are about to have dc3. We were both Irish but have lived in UK for 12 years, both have only worked here.

Increasingly we are wondering about moving back. DH' s industry has picked up and I have good contacts in Ireland to establish private work ad hoc to supplement income.

However the only jobs Dh will get will be in Dublin. The rents alone are eye-watering in areas and buying really unlikely. Childcare seems incredibly expensive.

We have some equity in our home here, say 50k, but I don't want to see ity wasted on rent. We've been used to a piddling mortgage of only 550 a month and have paid off quite a bit just with that. I just can't imagine shelling out a grand in rent for a very modest home with no garden that is effectively just money thrown away...

I could take the kids and live with my family for a year or so with Dh being with us at the weekend. My mother has suggested this. My stepdad also rents rooms in Dublin for professionals doing just this and would give one to Dh at cost e.g. just utilities. I worked out that in 18 months with equity, savings and putting away rent money saved we would have close to 100k which would be a game changer in terms of what we could afford in Dublin. I only want a simple 3 bed semi d with a bit of garden, not looking for a luxury home but so hard to find and schools are a nightmare as ds1 due to start next Sept but in Dublin most apparently signed up to at birth, different system to here.

It just seems awful to split up our little family. I like life here but I do miss both our families desperately and our parents have had health scares etc and we can't afford to travel any more... we miss all family christenings, birthdays, retirements, funerals. I had to miss a very important family funeral recently as only last-minute flight available was £900!!! In all honesty if it was like it was ten years ago and we could get home for a reasonable amount 4-6 times a year and last minute in emergencies we would not be considering leaving.

But... but.... I've been looking through archives and many say it is desperately hard on all parties. It's the kids and the marriage that worry me mostly.

He has a few interviews lined up but I am so unsure...

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