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AIBU or is DH about family outings?

(66 Posts)
Mittensonkittens Thu 24-Oct-13 08:09:12

Ds (4) is on half term next week. Originally my mum and my aunt had arranged to have a day out with us. My aunt booked the day off work especially.

Then dh decided to have the week off so I told my mum and aunt we wouldn't be able to go out for the day with them because I KNEW dh wouldn't want to go. This morning dh said "we will take my parents out (PIL) for the day next week because they hardly see ds." They see him at least once a week without fail, sometimes twice. So I said "ok, but in That case will it be ok if we also see my aunt and mum for the afternoon."

And dh said (with a snappy aggressive look on his face) "I'd rather not because your mum and aunt see ds all the time." This is a lie, my mum sees him probably twice a week but my aunt - who has no children of her own and only one niece (me) and hence only one great nephew - barely ever sees him. Maybe once ever few months. She doesn't drive and lives over an hour away and still works full time so we don't see much of her. She is very very good to us and regularly sends clothes and books for ds. In fact when he was a baby she pretty well clothed him single handedly. It really pissed me off that dh was all "well I wanted a family week to ourselves." I said I can't very cancel on my mum and aunt saying was want some family time and the go out with his parents.

Aibu to think that if we're going out with his family for a day it isn't too much to see mine one afternoon? Dh rarely ever sees my family, I have to go on my own to family events, whereas I always go with him to things, always.

Morgause Thu 24-Oct-13 08:10:10

YANBU. Tell him it's happening with or without him.

YANBU about thinking you're DH should be fair. I wouldn't of cancelled with my family in the first place though, I would go anyway. So YABU for that.
Just out of interest, does your DH often behave like this?

Inertia Thu 24-Oct-13 08:16:23

He is being an unreasonable bully. Don't change your plans.

Pooka Thu 24-Oct-13 08:22:41

Go out without him?

RoadToTuapeka Thu 24-Oct-13 08:22:49

His stance does sound odd. I wouldn't have cancelled the original day out in the first place, nor would DH have expected me to. He'd come along too.

So Yanbu and I would worry if his attitude in this case exemplifies his usual behavior as sounds bullying and intolerant.

JoinYourPlayfuckers Thu 24-Oct-13 08:24:40

So your husband decides to take the week off work and you immediately cancel your plans for that week?

I think you have a bigger problem than what to do this half term.

Why does he get to decide what you do with your time?

MoominsYonisAreScary Thu 24-Oct-13 08:25:40

Id be going anyway, with or without him

JennieR60 Thu 24-Oct-13 08:26:34

I think if it's ok to see his parents then it's ok to go out with your family. It can't be one rule for him and one rule for you.


Jolleigh Thu 24-Oct-13 08:28:08

YANBU - but you shouldn't have cancelled your plans in the first place. He can't use the fact that your child sees your mother frequently as a negative point either. Family is important. Your DH is BU to expect you to change plans simply because he's decided to take time off. Tell him to put his dummy back in.

Screamqueen Thu 24-Oct-13 08:29:29

Are you scared of him? I dont get why you immediately jumped and changed the original plans.

diddl Thu 24-Oct-13 08:29:30

He sounds awful.

I'd feel like not going to his family events for starters.

Why do you see more of your parents?

Is it because you're a SAHM/they're nearer/you make the effort?

If his parents don't see your son because he cba to organise it, that's his fault imo.

WooWooOwl Thu 24-Oct-13 08:29:48

I don't think that you seeing his parents is at all relevant to whether you see your Mum and your Aunt or not. You and your child are people, not a jar of jam that needs to be equally shared between everyone that wants a bit.

Go out with your mum and your aunt and leave your DH to himself for the day if he doesn't want to go. You have a life of your own that doesn't have to be dictated for you based on whether your DH has a day of work or not.

CoffeeTea103 Thu 24-Oct-13 08:29:51

Yabu to cancel your plans with your aunt and mum in the first place. Your aunt seems to really adore your son and yourself so it was wrong to do that to her.

ihearsounds Thu 24-Oct-13 08:31:39

So you made plans. Someone booked a day off work to spend time with you. Then your dh decided at the last minute to have a week off and you change your original plans because he wouldn't want to come.... Why?

You are not joined at the hips. You can spend time apart. So what he wants to spend time together, pre-existing plans comes first. Either he come with you, or he stays at home and sulks.

If he is throwing a tantrum about the day then he needs to grow up, and realise you are not a child to be told what to do.

Thewalkingdeadkr Thu 24-Oct-13 08:34:07

He's your husband not your leader!
My dh has the week off too but won't be dictating what we do anymore than I will.
Why does it bother him so much to see other people?

BurberryQ Thu 24-Oct-13 08:38:17

why did you cancel your plans in the first place just cos he was going to be home? because you 'knew' he wouldnt want to come you say?
perhaps he is too used to you dancing attendance on him and has become an over-entitled fucker?

SatinSandals Thu 24-Oct-13 08:41:15

I can't see why you cancelled. Just tell him that you are going and he can come if he wants. What you do with his parents has no relevance.

teacher123 Thu 24-Oct-13 08:41:51


You shouldn't have cancelled your nice day out with your mum and aunty that you already had planned just because DH has taken that week off work. It's only one day out of a whole week and it's so rude to cancel plans like that.

Are you scared of him? Why doesn't he like your family?

The fact that he won't go with you to family events and is being so aggressive is red flags all over the place to me.

Mittensonkittens Thu 24-Oct-13 08:45:43

I cancelled because I knew he'd be unpleasant. We see more of my mum (although not my dad as he is at work) because she has my son one afternoon when I'm working and she comes over to see us. Pil don't, was always go there. They are older than my parents in fairness and find ds a lot to cope with on their own so my mum tends to do the babysitting.

CelticPromise Thu 24-Oct-13 08:48:43

He sounds like an arse. Reinstate your plans and go without him. Let him go with PIL on his own and have a day to yourself.

He does sound like a bully. Is he like this in other ways?

colafrosties Thu 24-Oct-13 08:48:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BurberryFucker Thu 24-Oct-13 08:50:49

so you have to tiptoe around him for him not to be 'unpleasant' ?

MrsMook Thu 24-Oct-13 08:52:36

Go out with your family. Whether he comes or not is his issue.

Expecting you to drop yours but go out with his is very hypocritical and unreasonable of him.

PedlarsSpanner Thu 24-Oct-13 08:54:30

What does the unpleasantness look like? Is he unpleasant to you, your family, your child?

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